Not sure if I want to learn to drive

[EvePolastri938]

I'm 29 now and have failed my driving test 9 times, mainly due to nerves I think. I was learning between the ages of 17-24 but I haven't had any lessons for 5 years now.

I live in an area with excellent transport links and have 5 supermarkets within a mile. I can get to my parents' house, work, the airport, the city centre etc. And I spend £85 a month on public transport (unless say I travel across the country or something).

I hear a lot of how driving is an essential life skill, everybody should do it etc. (I think there was a thread about this the other day).

However I don't agree, I don't think everyone is cut out for it (I don't know if I am), and cars are not cheap. People shouldn't feel like they have to learn if they can get by in other ways.

I have noticed a certain snobbery towards non-drivers, and a friend of mine keeps asking me when i'm going to learn and made a remark along the lines of, "Well you know public transport better than any of us"

I used to feel ashamed at having failed 9 times, but i'm more confident now and don't care as much.

I have no plans to live in a rural area, and i've always managed with walking/public transport.

Would I be unreasonable to not learn to drive ? I really don't want to spend thousands again.

It sounds like you dont earn that much as you are worried about costs - if you could drive i bet you would open up a whole new job market to yourself and be able to get a better paid job - have a think about how that could make a difference to your life? I second getting an automatic car.

While it's not "unreasonable" per se. I think, in the situation you are in currently, you don't NEED to be able to drive.

But, in life, situations change quickly, and a car could quickly become essential.

Even if you have no plans to drive any time soon, I think it would be foolish to not at least get a licence to fall back on. Once you've got it, you've got it forever. You don't have to use it, but it's there for when you need it.

Change your instructor and try an automatic so you can concentrate on the road. Seems as though your life would be a lot easier if you drove; and think about how much you'd save on bus and train fares!

Good luck.

I earn around 18k a year, and fortunately the job I have has never required me to have a licence, it's true I could try for the licence and not necessarily need to have a car, I will look into automatics too :)

Ah, well that is different. If I were you, I would continue with the driving lessons when you can afford it.

I had my first driving lesson as a student when I was 17 and I didn’t pass until I was 21. I learned on-and-off during that time. I failed my driving test 4-5 times (possibly more - can’t remember!) What was failing me was nerves, not so much poor driving... I was a wreck before driving lessons, the dread would set in as soon as I finished a driving lesson as I would spend all week thinking about it and often lost sleep thinking about driving lessons. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever pass my driving test! I passed eventually with 2 minors and got a car within a month. I’m 24 now and I drive around 10,000 miles a year. I’ve never had an accident or near miss since passing. The freedom and independence it has given me is truly indescribable. Opportunities for work arose that simply weren’t available for me before having a licence. I have driven abroad which I didn’t find too distressing. Please don’t think this is a post made to brag - it’s simply the opposite. I’m hoping this’ll inspire you to learn to drive and pass your test - despite failing many times. Do you think your failures are the result of nerves? Anxiety? Poor driving? Is it possible you can get a friend to help you learn to drive as well as doing professional lessons? I feel like the best way to alleviate any anxiety about driving is just by getting into a car as much as you can!

As other have quite rightly pointed out - driving is a life skill and driving can open so many opportunities for you (simply putting it on a CV can improve your chances of getting the job). If you decide to have children in the future, it’ll be easier to ferry them around in the car and saves worrying about timetables, etc. What you think now might be different in the future, you may want to live in an urban area and having a car will improve your life immensely.

I would definitely try again. I would definitely look into driving an automatic but automatic driving lessons are more expensive than manual and manual cars are often cheaper than automatic. Even if you don’t see yourself getting a car once passing - at least you’ll have a licence handy if you see a car in the future that is cheap to run and you can just buy it. At least that way - you won’t have to worry about driving lessons/theory test/practical test. Good luck and let us know what you do!

I’ve got a licence but haven’t driven for over 10 years. I really hate it, I hate being a passenger in a car too, although fine with buses, coaches etc. I find cars really claustrophobic, it’s like their too small and flimsy to be travelling at the speeds they do, so close together! Weirdly, I am fine with being on a motorcycle and actually had a scooter for a few years.

My lack of driving has never caused me any problems, but I live in a very well provided for part of the country in terms of public transport. I work in central London where there is no option to drive in as no parking so I need a travel card to get to work which then covers all my personal travelling too. Taxis via Uber are available day or night In my area so in an emergency I can use those. Online shopping means no issue with getting bulky shopping home.

For me, not driving is a choice and it has impacted where I live as I need decent, reliable pubic transport. I wouldn’t move anywhere rural or where there’s a lack of options.

We need less cars on the road, not more, so if you don’t want to, can’t afford to or don’t need to drive then don’t.

You could dip your toe in? Lots of instructors offer a good package for drivers starting with them, so you could try a couple of hour long lessons? You're five years older now, perhaps more confident? Look at reviews online and try to pick an instructor accordingly. Perhaps you'd be more relaxed with a woman instructor?

Have you passed your theory test? I think that becomes invalid after a certain time (5yrs?) If you don't pass the practical.
There is something to be said for getting your license while you have time. Before life gets in the way..having children for example makes it far more difficult to learn, what with finding childcare and fitting around them and working.

However don't feel pushed into by others around you. I get its expensive. My 19 year-old has been learning and it feels like he's been haemorrhage money ever since.. the provisional license, the £18 per hour lessons, the revision materials, the cost of the theory test..it all adds up.

I would agree with you that you don't need a car at the moment, but Like others I still think it would be useful to have your license for the future. You might want to hire a car or van for an event that requires travel and lots of luggage or a job opportunity that arises that needs a car.

People go their whole lives not driving and it works for them, so it is really up to you.

I passed on my third test while being in foul 'I am gonna fail mood'. Even my driver instructor didn't think I would pass that day.
I made a mistake during driving but it didn't even turn into a minor but when I made it I turned from gonna fail ethos to fuck it just drive to get to the end. In my case a car really did open doors and couldn't come soon enough.

Thank you :)

I passed my test at 30, I didn't let not driving hold me back DD took part in lots of activities we just had to walk there and they were what were close by not necessarily activities dhd really wanted to do. However passing my test has made my life easier, I don't have to plan every outing in order to get the bus back (here buses are every 30mins each), or wait in the rain, I can nip to the supermarket after work. DD was able to start having swimming lessons which led to competitive swimming which would be impossible to do without a car as galas are all over the county even for fairly beginner comp swimmers and she lives it.

Don't feel bad that you don't drive, you could just say you do t for environmental reasons. Get into a better place financially as running a car on a low income is DAFT and then learn if you want. I never asked for lifts and would always consider myself independent before driving. There is no doubt now that I am more independent because before I was curtailed by where public transport routes were ie we never went to a zoo as there were no links to them etc.

I'm 36 and can't drive either. It is a bit of a pain but I threw quite a lot at it before I had my first child when I was 28. I started off having lessons for about 6 months in a manual and the instructor told me to try an automatic. I then failed twice while pregnant and then did an intensive one week course when my dd was 7 months then failed again twice. Because of the length of time I'd been trying to learn I did the theory test twice ( both times full marks weirdly). I cried for a whole afternoon after the last time. Then I just didn't have the money to keep throwing at it. Also I figured to myself maybe fate/ god/ whatever had decided it wasn't for me.

SephrinaX This was me! I passed at 32 (6 days short of my 33rd birthday).Never looked back .Similar to you had 2 hour lessons ,and passed after giving up 10 years before! Never give up ,as my friend said once you have passed your test its yours for life then!Also learning on an automatic as well helped me enormously

And practising with a friend as well if possible

Hey thanks everybody, i've decided to go for it but learn in an automatic this time, hopefully will have more success :)

I learned to drive last year at aged 32. It has absolutely changed my life. I thought i was independent but since having a car, I've now realised how limited I was because of public transport and how much longer getting anywhere took. I failed a few times over the years and honestly didn't think I was cut out for it but this time I learned in an automatic and it is much easier and meant I could focus on observation rather than constantly worrying about gears and clutch control. Its the best thing I ever did.

We live in a country and a culture that assumes everyone drives, but the reality is that fewer younger people drive than even before.

Neither my husband nor I drive. We have 2 kids and we live in a city centre. We use bikes, scooters and public transport.

Individual cars are a luxury the planet can't really afford. No one is ever going to force you to live somewhere you don't want to live, and you obviously wouldn't choose to live somewhere you couldn't access everything you needed.

Swimming is an essential life skill. Sewing. Knitting. Computer coding. But no one bats an eye if you can't. Driving may be considered essential, but it really isn't. It just means you build your life in a different way.

How is coding an essential life skill

I would see it as more essential than driving. If you can sew, you can make your own clothes. If you can code, you can make your own apps and programs. The digital world is as important as the physical one, dont underestimate how important the skills are!

I grew up in a rural area and if you had no car, you couldn't get a job because the buses to town only came once every 2 hours. I failed 5 tests by the time I was 18. Then I moved to London and found I never needed a car. I only wish I had a car when I want to take a British holiday (some areas are better than others for providing good public transport) or if I am finding that the public transport route is too complicated to bother with.

I recently looked into taking my automatic licence. I could afford the lessons and the test. But I couldn't afford a car that was exempt from the ULEZ, and the congestion charge is 7 days a week now thank you Sadiq Khan. Electric and dual fuel cars tend to be much more expensive than petrol cars. So I gave up the idea. I might still take my motorcycle test though.

I never learned. Far too expensive, I could never afford the insurance. Even with my job now I could never afford it. People talk about cars in terms of hundreds and thousands - fuck that.

I live in a city, public transport everywhere I need to go. I never, ever get lifts and never ask for them.

I love making snobby people upset when they ask how I can possible 'live' without driving. I've had "what would you do if your child needed to go to the hospital for an emergency", or "how do you go to the garden centre". Usually by middle-aged middle-class folk who tell me the bus is 'common' and they 'don't understand' the tram (it's been there over 25 years...)

Honestly I get more joy out of not driving and watching people sputter in amazement than I ever would driving.

Lately though I've met more and more people who live in the city centre and no longer drive and have sold their cars, tired of paying excessive parking fees and repair costs for cars they realised they never used. I guess not driving will stop being so shocking in a few years.

yanbu!

I don't drive. Spent a fortune trying to learn and decided I hated every single second of it. I live in a city with excellent public transport, walk to work etc etc. Most of my friends who drive don't have cars because of the expensive, traffic jams and difficulty parking in a city. Those who have cars have young children and still moan about cost, traffic jams and parking.

What is the point in driving if it doesn't actually make your life easier and save you money? If you live in a city I don't think it does.

I passed on my 10th try by switching to automatic. My nerves got the better of me, I panicked and fucked up the gears, stalled etc. So glad I tried Auto, it makes no difference to me whatsoever and driving has opened up my world.

If I want to go somewhere I can just go without having to check public transport, carry heavy shopping etc

I don't agree, I don't think everyone is cut out for it (I don't know if I am) [...] People shouldn't feel like they have to learn if they can get by in other ways

Amen to that. I did pass my driving test a very long time ago, and almost never drive now because I have zero aptitude for it and honestly believe the world is a much safer and happier place if I don't. I never got to the point where I could do it on autopilot, I was constantly aware of having to keep track of several quite complex things at once and that something could go wrong very easily. And nobody tell me to drive an automatic - I've only ever driven an automatic since I passed (DH prefers them) and it doesn't help at all. My problems are to do with reaction time and spatial awareness, not gear changing.

Not driving is only selfish if you constantly expect other people to give you lifts. If anything I find it's sometimes difficult to refuse offers of lifts without offending people, but I've been doing it consistently for years and most of my friends get it now that I like to walk, cycle or take the bus if at all possible.

Mid 40s and about to start lessons again, having given up years ago. My life works fine without a car, and I've saved money by not having one. But there's no public transport where my parents live, and I've just realized that if anything happens to them, this will limit the practical support I can provide, so I'm doing it more as a future investment.