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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday - AIBU?

82 replies

claragolightly · 22/07/2020 13:48

Last September I was forced into agreeing to an oblication - holiday with overbearing IL who doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual. I have never wanted to go and my partner knows this. He doesn't really want to go either, but wouldn't tell his family as much so here we are. This is all by the by.

It's next month. Flights haven't been cancelled and ILs still want to go. Partner has said we have to go as we don't have a valid excuse not to.

I have been feeling very anxious about it. Firstly, I don't want to spend time with the ILs - she has stirred up a lot of drama during lockdown. Also, I'm an introvert and have been used to spending plenty of time alone / only in my partners company over the past four months and I will have no way of escaping / getting alone time during the holiday. It won't be at all relaxing, as I will have to do a lot of driving (an aside not worth discussing)

These factors would have been a concern before COVID, but I'd have got on with it to keep the peace. And I wouldn't be taking such a big dive from loads of solitary time to having to be "on" and with others 24/7.

Secondly, and this may sound daft, but a family member is a pilot and she faces redundancy. I do not want to get on a plane while she can't fly one. I would find it too upsetting. I have no issue with COVID/flying.

Finally, it's unclear what the rules are about testing / self isolation etc. I don't want to have a COVID test on arrival (holiday is in Greece), the thought of a swab makes me feel sick. I'd do it if I was concerned about having the virus, of course. I've read that if one person tests positive on a flight, everyone will have to self isolate. I don't know if that's true or not. I'm also concerned about local lockdowns - what if we get stranded? We have cats! I'd have to take my work laptop just in case. I don't want to fork out for extra accommodation / cat care in the event of this.

Would I be totally unreasonable to make a stand and say I'm not going? I feel like it might be. I realise this is such an insignificant problem in the grand scheme of things, but I'm feeling so stressed about it.

OP posts:

Drinkingallthewine · 22/07/2020 16:37

Greece's hospital system is very poor. Even as a private patient with travel insurance or medical insurance it's often the case where you have to hire your own nurses to care for you or purchase your own sanitary things like incontinent pads etc.

We had Greece fully booked and with a travel insurance policy that covered outbreaks/pandemics (bought before it all really came to Europe. We are supposed to be there right now but the only thing stopping me is if one of us gets sick over there and has substandard hospital care. So for that reason alone, I won't go. If it was Italy or Spain who have an excellent healthcare system then I'd be tempted.

Leflic · 22/07/2020 16:38

Just tell them you aren’t coming. It might be annoying for them but there’s nothing they can actually do except moan and leave you both out of the Will.
Chickens way out is to develop Covid symptoms the

Leflic · 22/07/2020 16:39

week before

jessstan2 · 22/07/2020 16:40

Greeks are among the world's healthiest people and have one of the highest life expectancies in the EU. ... Health care in Greece is provided through national health insurance, although private health care is also an option.

DiscBeard · 22/07/2020 16:51

Surely if a pilot family member is facing redundancy you would do everything you can to support the tourism/aviation industry - so that comment is completely counter productive.

If everyone took your view all pilots would be out of work!!!

notimagain · 22/07/2020 16:52

Err the more people that get on planes the more jobs there will be for pilots

^^This..and of course more jobs for cabin crew, all the folks on the ground at airports etc...

lockdownalli · 22/07/2020 16:53

I am completely baffled as to why you agreed to this in the first place to be honest. Do you have form for being a pushover?

Big Girls Pants Time.

You are not going.

However - it would be VVU to suggest your DP doesn't go without you.

Also agree with PP - the bit about your rellie being a pilot sounds batshit. Leave that out. No excuses. I don't want to is sufficient.

coconutpie · 22/07/2020 17:00

You are an adult. They are not holding a gun to your head. You are perfectly entitled to say you will not be going. You have the perfect excuse right now to use - you do not want to travel due to Covid-19.

RunningFromInsanity · 22/07/2020 17:03

You lost me at a family member is a pilot and she faces redundancy. I do not want to get on a plane while she can't fly one.

because that is an shit excuse and it makes me think you are exaggerating everything else.

MzHz · 22/07/2020 17:11

You don't have to go. you can choose not to. Just say to DP that he is welcome to go - although may have to isolate on return, but that you are not going to go.

yes there is a loss of the flight money, but losing it will win you peace and quiet away from an IL you don't want to be with, didn't want to be with and who has actually worsened recently.

The price of your happiness is more important than the IL right to be overbearing and terrorise you.

CuppaZa · 22/07/2020 17:15

YANBU. I wouldn’t go.

babbi · 22/07/2020 17:22

Love your word oblication 👌🏻

OP , I decided a few years ago to pretty much say no to anything I really didn’t want to do socially or family wise etc .
And quickly learned to feel no guilt about it .

I cannot begin to tell you how much better and stress free my life is as a result .

Be strong and don’t waste anytime thinking up excuses which generally sound feeble anyway.
You don’t need an excuse you have a reason- you don’t want to go - that’s good enough .

Happydaysforever123 · 22/07/2020 17:25

I think yabu as you should have said no at the time it was first mentioned. Perhaps you will learn to say no now.

The pilot relative thing is ridiculous too.

IntermittentParps · 22/07/2020 17:28

It won't be at all relaxing, as I will have to do a lot of driving (an aside not worth discussing)

I think that sounds very much to the point!

Don't go, if you don't want to and don't fancy being (I'm guessing) your family's taxi service.

The pilot relative thing is ridiculous too. Don't be nasty. People feel how they feel. This shows empathy and care.

Quarantimespringclean · 22/07/2020 17:35

I agree that some of your reasons sound ridiculous but luckily you don’t need them. You agreed to this vacation long before Covid was an issue. Now all you need to say is ‘I don’t want to travel until I’m confident it’s safe’. People can argue as much as they like, just repeat that.

And in future make your life (and everyone elses) easier by turning down invitations to anything you don’t want to attend. A firm no last year would have been much simpler.

CannonCaboodle · 22/07/2020 17:43

Happynow001 · 22/07/2020 17:45

What everyone else has said, OP, plus hide your passport somewhere your partner would never look (back of the airing cupboard?) and sat you can't find it...

PlanDeRaccordement · 22/07/2020 17:53

I’d go and then do a runner and enjoy myself. At most I’d say, let’s all go on adventures and only meet up for dinner each night, won’t it be more fun if we’ve all done something different?

Gogogadgetarms · 22/07/2020 17:54

You committed to it OP. To back out now using a variety of excuses is unfair on your DP. You’re also giving his family more ammunition to dislike/complain about you. I’d make the effort. It’s one holiday.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/07/2020 18:05

"Last September I was forced into agreeing ..."

HOW were you forced?

And since you say ILs don't like you - WHY would they force you?

"Partner has said we have to go as we don't have a valid excuse not to."
Your partner needs to grow the fuck up. Adults don't need an excuse, they just have to say 'No. I don't want to.'

NoSquirrels · 22/07/2020 18:09

I would stick to the third reason as the main issue, if I were you.

Tell the ILs you can't because you are anxious about work and the cats and COVID testing and so on. And your anxiety will ruin the holiday for everyone so you are sorry, but you have decided not to go.

Tell your DP he is free to go on his own.

Don't get into lots of long drawn-out discussions about it where everyone tries to change your mind. Just say sorry, I have decided I cannot go, and my answer is final as I've been thinking about it already and considered all the options.

Beautiful3 · 22/07/2020 18:28

Sounds like you're looking for excuses really. If you never wanted to go, then you should have said so, at the beginning. You agreed to go, they paid and now you want to back out. Pretty unfair of you really. Just be civil and go enjoy it with your family.

Jeremyironsnothing · 22/07/2020 18:30

This is the ideal time to not go somewhere you don't want to. You have a ready made excuse. I and many others have cancelled much wanted holidays because of Covid.

HemulenHouse · 22/07/2020 18:31

The first reason was fine. Don’t say that pilot thing though.

Ellisandra · 22/07/2020 18:33

Reading through, I’m not surprised to find my view already shared.
You don’t have to go.
The pilot thing sounds bonkers. (they’re probably more invested in people flying again than anyone!)

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