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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday - AIBU?

82 replies

claragolightly · 22/07/2020 13:48

Last September I was forced into agreeing to an oblication - holiday with overbearing IL who doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual. I have never wanted to go and my partner knows this. He doesn't really want to go either, but wouldn't tell his family as much so here we are. This is all by the by.

It's next month. Flights haven't been cancelled and ILs still want to go. Partner has said we have to go as we don't have a valid excuse not to.

I have been feeling very anxious about it. Firstly, I don't want to spend time with the ILs - she has stirred up a lot of drama during lockdown. Also, I'm an introvert and have been used to spending plenty of time alone / only in my partners company over the past four months and I will have no way of escaping / getting alone time during the holiday. It won't be at all relaxing, as I will have to do a lot of driving (an aside not worth discussing)

These factors would have been a concern before COVID, but I'd have got on with it to keep the peace. And I wouldn't be taking such a big dive from loads of solitary time to having to be "on" and with others 24/7.

Secondly, and this may sound daft, but a family member is a pilot and she faces redundancy. I do not want to get on a plane while she can't fly one. I would find it too upsetting. I have no issue with COVID/flying.

Finally, it's unclear what the rules are about testing / self isolation etc. I don't want to have a COVID test on arrival (holiday is in Greece), the thought of a swab makes me feel sick. I'd do it if I was concerned about having the virus, of course. I've read that if one person tests positive on a flight, everyone will have to self isolate. I don't know if that's true or not. I'm also concerned about local lockdowns - what if we get stranded? We have cats! I'd have to take my work laptop just in case. I don't want to fork out for extra accommodation / cat care in the event of this.

Would I be totally unreasonable to make a stand and say I'm not going? I feel like it might be. I realise this is such an insignificant problem in the grand scheme of things, but I'm feeling so stressed about it.

OP posts:
Notcrackersyet · 22/07/2020 15:09

Err the more people that get on planes the more jobs there will be for pilots

Shizzlestix · 22/07/2020 15:14

People I knew flew to Greece today, no swabs etc.

Will you never fly again if your family member is made redundant? Bit unfortunate but it shouldn’t stop you ever flying.

GeorginaTheGiant · 22/07/2020 15:16

If someone is facing redundancy you should do what you can to support their industry. The travel industry is on its knees. If you feel passionately about pilots’ jobs then FLY! So if you don’t want to go on this holiday, that reason really shouldn’t be your justification. To be honest it just sounds loony!

But you’re right, life is too short to go on a holiday you don’t want to go on with people you don’t want to be with. It sounds like there aren’t children involved anyway so it’s nice and simple to bow out.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 22/07/2020 15:16

They can't make you, they won't be allowed to board the plane with a gagged and bound, struggling, kidnapped person. Grin Just don't pack a bag and don't get into the taxi to the airport. Every time they try to bully you repeat ad nauseam "I'm not going, there is no discussion about my decision."

HollowTalk · 22/07/2020 15:18

this may sound daft, but a family member is a pilot and she faces redundancy. I do not want to get on a plane while she can't fly one

Please don't ever say that aloud, OP, or else you might find yourself carted off to a psychiatrist. Grin

callmeadoctor · 22/07/2020 15:18

To be fair, you shouldn't have said yes in the first place!!! (And whats with all the driving?)

jessstan2 · 22/07/2020 15:26

I expect the holiday was booked before the pandemic took over. I wouldn't go away this year, certainly not abroad, and would just say so.

You enjoy time to yourself, so do I so that sort of holiday wouldn't suit me. I know some people go on family holidays, do their own thing during the day and get together in the evening which seems OK but you really can't face it so dig your heels in. Make no excuses except the valid one, that coronavirus is not yet under control and it's unwise to attempt a holiday abroad this year.

Plenty of others will be feeling the same as you do about travelling.

I'm sorry you are at loggerheads with your in laws though. I must say I don't understand why they want to go away with you in those circumstances, unless it's their way of making peace. However, there are simpler ways.

(Btw the covid test is very quick, open mouth first then a quick wipe inside nostril, it wouldn't hurt. You could even do it yourself.)

fflelp · 22/07/2020 15:34

Just say no, you're not going.
Circumstances have changed.
I live in an European country and I am not going anywhere on holiday this summer even though the borders are open and there are lots of places I could go. I have cats too and I worry that if something changes I might not be able to get back. Just this week the country I live in has announced that people will have to present negative covid tests when returning from certain other countries which were considered safe just 2 or 3 weeks ago. Otherwise face compulsory quarantine. So things are changing all the time and it's too risky, in my opinion.
Just say to partner you're not going. End of discussion. He can go if he wants.
And stop listing a load of reasons - the one about your family member being a pilot and facing redundancy just sounds bonkers because the best thing you could do to support the airline industry is to get on the plane!

Silentplikebath · 22/07/2020 15:35

What’s the worst that will happen if you say that you’re not going on the holiday? If your IL won’t speak to you again I’d say that’s a good result Smile

Going to Greece in August wouldn’t be my idea of fun because it’s so hot.

Dustyroad63 · 22/07/2020 15:38

if it's making you anxious then just don't go.

I'd say to my husband it's making me feel ill just thinking about it so I'm not going.

What's the worst that can happen. As you said life is too short to be worrying about things when you can just say no.

okeypoke · 22/07/2020 15:42

As others have said just say no. You already don't get on so who cares what she thinks?!

saltycat · 22/07/2020 15:46

If you have separate accommodation I would just go. If not I would stay home.

Privacy is everything on holidays, and you can feign a tummy bug and stay in your own place. Just my 2c.

Is your DP afraid of his parents. I cannot understand an adult child not saying no, sorry doesn't suit us this year.

TheYellowOfTheEgg · 22/07/2020 15:46

Just say no because of the Covid situation. Have the inlaws paid for the holiday or will you be the one losing the holiday money? Will your DH go on the holiday without you? Does he WANT to go or does he feel obliged as well?

I know you're looking for excuses, but the pilot relative thing is really nuts so best not use that one.

Ginfordinner · 22/07/2020 15:48

Does your partner want to go?
Why have you got to do a ot of driving?
Who is paying for this holiday?

Regulus · 22/07/2020 15:53

I love Oblication. I go on one every year which I do not love.

MidnightCitrus · 22/07/2020 15:54

@JaniceWebster

YANBU at all, life is too short

apart from the I do not want to get on a plane while she can't fly one. I would find it too upsetting Confused

agree with this!
GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 22/07/2020 15:54

Sorry OP but I am laughing at this...
Secondly, and this may sound daft, but a family member is a pilot and she faces redundancy. I do not want to get on a plane while she can't fly one. I would find it too upsetting.

Honestly, don't create reasons like this and the swab test for not wanting to go. If you don't want to go, don't. It's your life. What's the worst that could happen? Your ILs fall out with you? Well, you don't get on as it is anyway. OP, don't agree to something like this again when you know that you're not at all comfortable with it.

GetOffYourHighHorse · 22/07/2020 15:57

Too late now but you should never have agreed. Why did you if you don't like them and they don't like you, does your dh have a good relationship with them or will it be strained all round?

Covid is the perfect excuse to bail out. Too much uncertainty with outbreaks, lockdowns etc. If you think your dh doesn't want to go either just say that it's too risky. Then don't agree in future.

back2good · 22/07/2020 16:01

YANBU. Just say you're not going because you don't want to.

But don't include the 'daft' reason that your relative is a pilot and you feel bad for said relative. That does just make you look overly dramatic and like you're looking for any old reason not to go.

Not wanting to go under the current covid climate is enough.

AnneKipanki · 22/07/2020 16:03

Are the flights definitely still on ?
Are they scheduled flights?

sillysmiles · 22/07/2020 16:03

If you do end up going, is there a reason you can't get up before them, leave a note to say you are gone out and work away without you and you'll see them in the evening and basically take days to yourself.

But if you are happy to loose the flight money, don't go.

BeyondMyWits · 22/07/2020 16:18

" the world has changed, I do not want to go"

Chickychoccyegg · 22/07/2020 16:22

not going because family member is a pilot and might be made redundant is one of the most ridiculous things ive ever read...do not say that, to anyone, ever 😂.
Not going because you just dont want to /dont feel comfortable is perfectly fine, just stand firm on that, no one can make you go.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 22/07/2020 16:33

You’re expected to be the chauffeur aren’t you? For that Alone, fuck em.

fuckinghellapeacock · 22/07/2020 16:33

Tell DH you aren't going, tell him he can decide what he does. Then tell IL you aren't going. When they ask why reply "I don't want to"
Then you won't get asked again. I did this about 15 years ago and now have a blissful IL free life :)