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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be slightly pissed off at in-laws?

102 replies

E551 · 22/07/2020 12:40

So today my in-laws were looking after my daughter who is almost 3, while I was working. My partner told them that I would be home before lunch today so there was no need for them to make her lunch and that I would be picking her up on the way home from work.

My partner texted me to say that his parents had taken my daughter with them in the car to check on their other teenage grandchildren as they were home alone but that they shouldn’t be long. Anyway they still hadn’t arrived back when I was passing so I went home and asked my partner to give them a call and ask them to drop her off here on their way home, there was no answer. An hour passes and it’s about 15mins before lunchtime and I start to get a bit worried because surely they’d be back by now. My partner calls again, both mobiles and no answer. Anyway so my partner goes to their house and they arrive as he does at 11.55. I know people can be late at times etc. But it’s the fact that we couldn’t get hold of them worried me more.

So the reason I am pissed off more than anything is that they’ve taken my daughter in the car with them without any mobile phone. They’re in their early 70’s but they’re very fit and healthy for their age, but I do worry a bit sometimes that they might struggle a bit, but they would not be happy at all if they never got to babysit so I don’t want to take that away from them.

My partner had asked them if they took a phone with them and when they said no, he said they should, but knowing my partner how he is with his parents especially, he doesn’t ever want to go against them even when it's something to do with our daughter, but in this instance I think he should be a little stern with them that they went without any of their phones and what would they have done if they had am accident or whatever. We live in a rural place to so it’s not like someone might see them and call for an ambulance or whatever.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:

ClickandForget · 22/07/2020 15:18

When you take responsibility of a child you can't do a half assed job
I brought up all my children without the assistance of a mobile phone. So have hundreds of millions of others.

GarlicMcAtackney · 22/07/2020 15:18

Is your kid called Efa? Loool

sillysmiles · 22/07/2020 15:20

Honestly, if I was them, I'd be more inclined to leave my phone at home in future after being told what to do.
You either trust them or you don't. But you don't get to control them.

notacooldad · 22/07/2020 15:23

And with my comment about thinking my partner should be a bit stern with them, I think that wasn’t quite what I meant, more emphasise how we would prefer it if they wouldn’t take Efa in the car without them taking a phone

Who on earth do you think you are to tell you them that!
Jeez.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/07/2020 15:26

Jesus, what a non even. You need to unclench.

ThirteenRed · 22/07/2020 15:27

Fucking 'Mummy anxiety' I'm a grown woman who's reproduced. Doesn't mean I get 'mummy anxiety' 🤮

tara66 · 22/07/2020 15:30

i hope you said ''thank you'' for babysitting?
Don't try to control their lives. They don't need to be on end of phone 24/7 for you. If you don't trust them with your child - don't take her there.

Melonslicexx · 22/07/2020 15:42

If they are ok to have your child you can't use their ages as an excuse. Just because people are older it doesn't mean they are stupid. You should not have to have phones on you all the time. We never did when we're kids and teenagers. It was better back then. Because people didn't think they had the right to in touch with you all the time. They are also from a different generation so therefore can probably survive a couple of hours without a phone.

I do understand that they shouldn't have been late and should have perhaps contacted one of you to say where they planned to go.

But honestly you are lucky! We have nobody to have our children. We don't get a morning to ourselves. We don't know what it's like to be able to do anything without s child tagging along. So no you should not be pissed off at them. They are hands on and investing in your child's life. They are experienced as they have raised a child before. If you don't trust them perhaps don't ask them in the future.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 22/07/2020 15:45

Pay for childcare...id be telling you to sod off aswell.

Timesdone · 22/07/2020 15:46

You are clearly too young to recall the world existed before mobile phones, people survived.

notacooldad · 22/07/2020 15:46

I do understand that they shouldn't have been late and should have perhaps contacted one of you to say where they planned to go
They wasn't late though.

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 22/07/2020 15:48

They were back home for lunchtime (11:55) like they said they would be. Even if they'd taken a phone with them, they might have not answered as they were busy looking after your DD. They haven't done anything wrong and have been a big help to you. They weren't 'babysitting', they were providing childcare so you could work. I hoped you've thanked them accordingly.

Why did you not call/text them? I don't understand why you would call your DP to ask him to call them.

Pebblexox · 22/07/2020 15:52

My mil and fil once took dd out without their mobiles, and had her home late. I didn't care, I only asked that they took their mobiles the next time to let us know and incase of emergencies.
However on your point, they were back for lunchtime which is the time you said so I'm really not sure why you're angry?!

Pebblexox · 22/07/2020 15:53

However to add, I have diagnosed anxiety and take medication for it so they understood why I asked to make sure they had their mobiles next time.

Original poster

E551 · 22/07/2020 15:54

@GarlicMcAtackney

Is your kid called Efa? Loool

Yes, my partner is Welsh and it’s the Welsh version of ‘Eve’, don’t think there is much to ‘Looool’ about that really?!

OP posts:

Original poster

E551 · 22/07/2020 16:11

I know by now I should be a bit more relaxed, definitely. But it’s just a bit worrying for me when, first of all I only found out they were gone before I left work, and when my partner dropped off our daughter this morning he told them around what time I would be home, the whole “lunch time” thing is that he told them she wouldn’t be needing lunch there as I will have picked her up before lunch, she eats at dead on 12, always have, and they know this, so I just thought they would have considered this, or at least told my partner that they would drop her off on their way home, but maybe my partner should have been clearer with them, I don’t know I wasn’t there when they said. We did ask last night if they wanted her today and if they had any plans (otherwise my partner would have been with her as I was only gone for 3 hours today and he works from home and could do the hours later) and they said no they didn’t have plans.

I was worried because, as I say, my partner informed me just as I was about to leave, and he said they wouldn’t be long at all as it was just to make sure their teenage grandchildren were up from bed, so yes sorry, to me when an hour passes and no answer I did get a bit anxious. At the end of the day she isn’t 3 yet and I’ve just started leaving her after being off since the beginning of lockdown, so 4 months, and I do currently have a bit of anxiety when leaving her. I’ve not been anxious before and used to do 10 hour shifts so I don’t think I really need medical help, more of getting back to normal routine of being away from her for a while and relaxing a bit.

I am 32 years old so fully aware of us growing up without mobiles etc. But as I say, live in a very rural area so not many people or pay phones around so I just think it’s important carrying a mobile with me everywhere in case something goes wrong while I’m out now that I am responsible for a little human being.

OP posts:

AryaStarkWolf · 22/07/2020 16:17

Yes, my partner is Welsh and it’s the Welsh version of ‘Eve’, don’t think there is much to ‘Looool’ about that really?!

Sounds like the Irish name Aoife (pro. Eefa) it's a lovely name, ignore that person

notacooldad · 22/07/2020 16:27

Why does your Dd always have to eat dead on 12?
Serious question. Why do you not have a bit of flexibility. Life is fluid and sometimes things happen. I was surprised your dd is 3. I honestly thought you was going to say 1.

Can you pin point what you were worrying about. She was in the care of her grandparents that presumably love her and care for her. Clearly the issue is you. They havent done a dam thing wrong but you are on about throwing the support they are offering you and your husband back in their faces by making demands. They weren't late. They had called to see the other grand kids and it sounds like they had a chat with them.
I honestly think a phone in this case is something that you are focussing on that could be a false security.
What if the battery goes flat?what if there is no signal? What if they can't hear the phone when you ring up? Jesus. It'll send you over the edge!

ChicCroissant · 22/07/2020 16:40

Is this about your DD or did you not want to return to work for some reason, OP? It seems strange that you would do 10 hour shifts beforehand easily yet now feel anxious if they don't respond within an hour?

FortyFiedWine · 22/07/2020 16:50

@E551 I'd have been worried too, if I couldn't contact the people in charge of my DC for over an hour. Now you know she's safe and sound, I'd chalk this one up to experience. No harm done, and very nicely ask in laws to carry a phone if they babysit again.

NotIncandescentWithRage · 22/07/2020 17:02

@ThirteenRed

Fucking 'Mummy anxiety' I'm a grown woman who's reproduced. Doesn't mean I get 'mummy anxiety' 🤮

Op don't call it that on here, it won’t go down well at all!

Timesdone · 22/07/2020 17:11

Aren't phone signals dodgy in your part of Wales? Maybe they improved significantly in recent years but if reception is still touch & go it's quite understand able why they don't always bother to take one with them.

lockdownalli · 22/07/2020 17:11

@GarlicMcAtackney

Is your kid called Efa? Loool

Durgasarrow · 22/07/2020 17:52

They were doing you a favor. If you don't want them to do you more free babysitting for you, giving them lectures as if they are children is an excellent way to make that happen.

diddl · 22/07/2020 17:55

So what time did your husband tell them that you would be picking your daughter up?

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