Should we report to SS?

[seasame]

NC as some details are revealing about the neighbours. My neighbours have caused a lot of issues during lockdown. Late night garden parties until 3am (no social distancing), constant stream of visitors, children left playing in the street unsupervised causing damage etc. They seem like heavy drinkers. Glass box is full to the brim every bin day, moaned at us that it was beer garden weather and lockdown was stopping them living their lives how they want. They regularly leave their around 7 and 10 year old boys alone all day until late at night. I presume to go out drinking as they apparently WFH with their own clothing line. It doesn’t sell well so not sure where they get their money from but that’s none of my business.

So it was no surprise to me when they left at lunchtime yesterday and didn’t return until 8am this morning. Leaving a 7 and 10 year old alone for almost 24 hours. No one came to the house to look after them (our front doors are close together so would be able to hear and we were in all day/night). I kept an eye out as well as I was deeply concerned for their welfare. They were causing horrendous levels of noise, running amok around the street, playing in the back garden until gone midnight. What did they eat? What would have happened to them if their parents were in an accident and no one knew they were alone at home? It honestly blows my mind that they think it’s acceptable to leave young children alone for that long. They clearly went out drinking and stayed at a mates as they were very vocal to us about how excited they were that the pubs have reopened. They have coincidentally been out every evening til late since they reopened.

It really shows that things are definitely not what they seem online. The mother’s Facebook is one of those ‘full time mummy to two perfect boys’ yet she never wants to spend time with them. Constantly ignores them (Can be heard through open windows) and have friends over 24/7. It’s also worrying that they are speakers at a local Life Church.

Now I would love to notify the Church that they speak at as they are definitely not good Christian role models but feel that’s probably quite petty! But should I report to SS now or if it happens again. I’m not one to immediately jump to ‘call SS’ the moment a parent does something wrong but it isn’t right on the children. They can have friends/family over all day every day but can’t get someone to watch their children? It speaks volumes that they clearly don’t care about their safety or wellbeing. I’m honestly torn as to what to do. Maybe I should approach other neighbours first to see if they also noticed as the parents could easily claim that we’re lying/get the children to lie to SS.

Someone who grew up in a completely different culture maybe.
Oh anyway fuck if with your judgment
It’s the PROPLE WHO LEFT THE KIDS who should be judged. Not the OP.
when people get this kind of stick for asking a questgey darent even ask.
Which is obviously worse.

All this screaming at the OP will make her less likely to post/ask in future.
Why don’t you realise this.

From dealings with some very tightly-knit churches, I'd say there is absolutely no point in telling them. They'd close ranks and it would be interpreted as an attack of the group for their faith.

The police, however, when children are home alone and parents out drinking - they'd be able and willing to do something about it and would automatically involve Social Services, who, at present, would find it difficult to do much, as there's no evidence a report is anything other than malicious. And, let's face it, the parents sound as though they've an ideal mask of respectability to dismiss any queries.

@MitziK That certainly was the case when I was growing up; those who knew what was happening didn't even tell my DM what they knew! That's been hard for her to come to terms with.

And very sadly, it still happens in too many churches now. It happened when my DSis's first marriage broke down; there was DV involved and my DSis was the one who was forced to leave! And a friend was pressured not to report the abuse her DD suffered at the hands of her stepfather (my friend's DH). She was told that she was to blame because she wasn't a good enough wife.

It isn't always the case, I can say that. But even if the church leadership are keen to do the right thing, they actually can't do more than what anyone else can do, i.e. report to SS or the police.

@InappropriateFire

Someone who grew up in a completely different culture maybe. Oh anyway fuck if with your judgment It’s the PROPLE WHO LEFT THE KIDS who should be judged. Not the OP. when people get this kind of stick for asking a questgey darent even ask. Which is obviously worse.

OP should have reported at the time and not delayed, but she is reporting now as I understand it, which is excellent. Of course she is not as 'guilty' as the people who left the children alone, but as an adult who was aware they were alone, it is reasonable to ask why she didn't act and urge her to act immediately should this occur again.

But to respond more generally to your comments- you can definitely judge someone who stands by and does not attempt to get help for victims of abuse, even whilst recognising the ones responsible for the abuse are the ones mostly to blame. SCR after SCR shows how many people were aware, had worries, had concerns, had little bits of information that if they had all been put together would have saved victims.

And tbh if you think the OP has had a harsh response on this thread I have to wonder how much time you've actually spent on AIBU.

it is not as easy as it sounds reporting people to SS. There's a lot of self doubt

What's to doubt about a 7- and a 10-year old being left alone overnight?

Or their parents going out until late in the evening and leaving them playing out?

I can't see any reason for doubting the need to report and I'd do it in a heartbeat. I've done it for a lot less, actually.

Child Protection Social Worker here; you need to notify the Police really. Social Services can’t intervene in an emergency like that where children are left for long periods; at least not in the immediate. Needs to be the Police but you do also need to notify Social Services of all of your concerns so they can be aware and explore with the relevant agencies

You should have phoned the police last night.

Why have you still done nothing? Are you waiting for them to do it again and then phone the police?

She hasn’t come back, which suggests to me she is scared to engage.
It reminds me of those threads when a woman comes on to describe how often and in which way she is being beaten up by her partner, and people come on to say “you’ve used an apostrophe incorrectly”. So they then think “ this isn’t the place for me” and you’ve lost them.
Far better to calmly explain that the situation she described was completely unacceptable and advise as to what to do: watch out for it happening again, report to the police every time, and so on.
Talk about shooting the messenger.

Why didn't you call the police when you knew they were alone?

Next time call the police.

I wouldn't be aware if my neighbours children were left alone all night long, even though they were noisy! But then, I don't keep tabs on them even with their squeaky door. Had I become aware about it on their return home, I would have called the police.

And are you absolutely sure there wasn't anyone else in the house?

If you don't want it linked back to you, call from a phonebox. Yes some driving/walking around will be required.

You can also report anonymously to SS. If your worried about it coming back to you, phone box.

CAn also be reported through NSPCC.

If a phone box isn't available, Sim cards can be picked up from local shops and don't have to be registered.

SS can also be emailed.

Report to the police as soon as you realise they have been left alone. Police can do an address check immediately if you make it crystal clear they are on their own with no appropriate adult. Then they will refer to SS. That is so bad. What are they having for meals? Who is putting them to bed and doing their baths. You definitely need to report. IMO if you go to SS first then they will contact parents and tell them there’s been a report and the parents will lie and talk their way out of it and nothing will be done. If police find the kids unsupervised then there is rock solid evidence of neglect, it’s unbelievable- they could burn the house down, get seriously hurt. What is wrong with the parents?!

Just report to the police next time they go out. The police will do the rest & involve the duty team.

Hi, I am a Social Worker in Child Protection and something that is a real challenge is dealing with anonymous referrals a day/few days after a concerning event (that usually occurs at night). This is because by the time we visit the family there is no evidence, the children have been coached to deny any neglect or abuse and the parents deny it, claiming that they have fallen out with someone or their neighbours have always disliked them and it’s therefore malicious. We have no name or details of the referrer so we can’t talk to them to substantiate the concerns.

Therefore I would always advise to call the police at the time of the concerns so that a welfare visit is completed at the right time and either action is taken straight away or we have very good evidence once it comes to us as the police have seen it and recorded it. The police don’t remain anonymous and it’s difficult for parents to claim the police are lying.....although I have heard that one!

Also, once you have made a referral, don't stop there. Log every concern with police or children’s services because then we can see a chronology of concerns that will always be recorded on our system so even if we can’t prove something the first, second or third time, we can’t ignore that pattern and all those small referrals will be noted in our assessment which could one day lead to much needed intervention to make the children safe.

Hope those children get some help soon. X

Call the police. I would also make notes of times you see them go out and the times they return to show its not a one off and that they can't say it was not a 2 minute trip to the shop.