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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder whether to charge board or not?

53 replies

CrooksAndNannies · 21/07/2020 15:03

DD1 going to start her career in September after just graduating.

Until yesterday we thought it was blended/office based and she would be looking fir a flat in a few weeks.

The company has now announced no return to office work until at least January.

So she could work from home, not ideal but we're all being adaptable in the current climate.

Do we charge board? I feel there's a principle here.

BUT DD2 has lived here for free since the start of Lockdown when her University closed down. And continued to pay her her top up maintenance. So this has made the situation less clear cut.

OP posts:
OchonAgusOchonO · 21/07/2020 15:14

I think the two situations are not comparable. One is still in full time education so, to my mind, should not be paying board. The other has completed education and has a full-time job so should be paying board. Although I'd probably not charge for the first month.

My ds has just graduated this year too. A little different as he was on placement (hcp) before graduating and then started working pretty much immediately in a full-time job so he wasn't home at all. However, if he had taken a job in a hospital local to us, and was living at home, I would be charging board.

My dd19 is working for the summer and I'm not charging her board as she is still in full-time education.

Mycatscollar · 21/07/2020 15:17

What principle is it? That adults pay their way?

Personally I find it a bit odd when parents who aren’t in any sort of financial difficulty insist on charging board but I know some people find it odd that I wouldn’t.

ArthurandJessie · 21/07/2020 15:22

I would charge and put it aside for her for when she moves out

sirfredfredgeorge · 21/07/2020 15:26

Yes, the question is what principle, decide what the principle you actually want to defend, and then decide if it's reasonable to charge board or not.

For me, family money is family money, and that includes kids living at home, so if the family needs money to support the bills of living there, then the kid would need to contribute, if the family doesn't then the kid just gets less of the family discretionary pot to spend so doesn't need to "pay board" simply to move money around.

MaskingForIt · 21/07/2020 15:27

Charge her so she gets used to living within her means, but if you can’t afford to you could put it to one side to help pay for a deposit or furniture when she moves out.

FraughtwithGin · 21/07/2020 15:28

Good discipline for the daughter working to pay a "nominal" charge based on cost of heating, lighting, food internet etc. etc. Will you expect her to do housework/laundry/ironing?
Good opportunity to review how things are going to work, domestically, until January.
At one point, after I had finished university, I lived at home and was working, suddenly both my siblings were as well. We all paid a nominal "rent" and helped out around the house (as normal, I should say).
It was only years later that I discovered my mother had saved the money from my brother and given it back to him when he bought his first house!
As a student, during my year abroad, I ended up living with family friends. My first question was "how much rent should I pay?". I was told DM 50 a month for food, but I also helped out a lot around the house and looking after a 4 year old grandson, as well as baking between 3 and 6 cakes per week, as Kaffee und Kuchen was the "family" meal - when most of the family was around, so everyone was happy.

FraughtwithGin · 21/07/2020 15:30

Forgot to add that, if you don't "need" the money, you can always do as my parents did and save it up to give her later.

Original poster
CrooksAndNannies · 21/07/2020 15:32

Thanks all

I think I'll probably charge a nominal amount abd perhaps keep it for a lump sum when she does move to London.

Though sge said she'll save the 1500£.pcm rent that she was going to be paying, so being with us will be financially beneficial anyway.

How do I decide an amount? Percentage of net salary?

OP posts:
Youbigdosser · 21/07/2020 15:39

charge nothing. That’s your daughter not a hotel guest

sergeilavrov · 21/07/2020 15:48

If you charge, you’re delivering a service and stepping away from your position as a parent, in my opinion. If the WiFi cuts out, does she get compensation for example? I would not charge rent unless there were extraordinary circumstances to do so, as I think it might change your relationship and her level of comfort with you and your home. I’d always want my children to know they can come back if something has gone wrong, no need to wait until they have money etc.

A nominal amount is tricky, as then that gives her all of the responsibilities but potentially few rights as she isn’t paying market rate.

Frenchfancy · 21/07/2020 15:53

I charge on the principle of equality. My Dd earns almost the same as I do. If she didn't pay her way I would be left with nothing in the bank at the end of each month while she would have £££ to spend on clothes and cosmetics.

She still has far more spending money than I do but at least she contributes.

Those that say don't charge obviously have lots of discretionary spending money.

AhNowTed · 21/07/2020 16:05

OP if it helps.

My son is in full time work. We charge him what we consider a token rent of £300/month.

My daughter is about to graduate, and will live for free until she gets a job.

bumbleb33s · 21/07/2020 16:07

what a ridiculous comment @sergeilavrov , it does not change your relationship with your children or mean that you are stepping away from your responsibilities as a parrent to ask for a small contribution.

If you think how much it is to run a house , for me it's around £1000
pcm, my 20yo son pays £20 pw, he's totally happy to do this as he has everything he needs. I am a single parent so it's a big help, also I don't agree that just because they're your children they shouldn't pay, it's about teaching them the value of money and respect and also setting them up a little for the future when they get their own place.

billy1966 · 21/07/2020 16:07

I would charge her 750 a month. She was going to be paying 1,500 so that is a substantial discount. I would encourage her to start saving.

She is starting her adult life. Help her form good habits.

Should she look to buy in a couple of years, that money could be an unexpected bonus that she would appreciate.

I think when being paid a salary, living free at home does not do an adult child any favours.

Flowers
sergeilavrov · 21/07/2020 16:09

@bumbleb33s Well, that’s my opinion. Let’s try and keep things respectful.

bumbleb33s · 21/07/2020 16:13

@sergeilavrov

what you stated ...

"If you charge, you’re delivering a service and stepping away from your position as a parent"

is disrespecting all us parents that charge our children board ...

sergeilavrov · 21/07/2020 16:15

@bumbleb33s Cutting out the critical end of that sentence is disrespectful and disingenuous... I clearly said “in my opinion.”

mateysmum · 21/07/2020 16:16

My DS is in exactly the same situation.

When he starts his graduate job in 6 weeks, WFH, will charge him board. HAven't decided how much, but I'm thinking roughly the same as he was paying for his uni room - £400 pcm.

I won't tell him now, but I will give him the money back when he does move into rented either in cash or perhaps in buying furniture/deposits etc. He's very sensible with money but I think it's good discipline for them to understand the costs of living and not just see me as his personal servant and cash machine!

InFiveMins · 21/07/2020 16:32

I wouldn't charge her a penny. Let her enjoy the last few years of her freedom. Who knows when she is going to have spare money again? Unless you are really hard up, which you might well be, I can't understand why you would want to charge your own child to stay at home.

SuperlativeScrubs · 21/07/2020 16:34

I'm confused. So she is saying she wants to save the exact amount her rent in London would cost while living at yours and you are still going to charge her on top of that?

Is it going to impact on you financially having her there?

InFiveMins · 21/07/2020 16:36

@Frenchfancy

I charge on the principle of equality. My Dd earns almost the same as I do. If she didn't pay her way I would be left with nothing in the bank at the end of each month while she would have £££ to spend on clothes and cosmetics.

She still has far more spending money than I do but at least she contributes.

Those that say don't charge obviously have lots of discretionary spending money.

But if your DD didn't work, or didn't live with you, wouldn't you be in the same position with nothing in the bank at the end of each month Confused You might save a bit on food and heating bills?
BigChocFrenzy · 21/07/2020 16:37

It's reasonable to charge her the extra she costs in food, utilities, council tax etc

but not a rent to make a profit

Show her your calculations, to explain the amount you charge

ActuallyItsEugene · 21/07/2020 16:38

Are you in need of the money? I wouldn't charge her anything if I wasn't.

BigChocFrenzy · 21/07/2020 16:38

Not everyone is in the privileged MN mc situation of being able to support adult children idefinitely

thistimelastweek · 21/07/2020 16:43

I don't really see how charging rent to save that amount on their behalf in any way teaches responsible adult behaviour. Surely responsible adults plan and save accordingly on their own behalf?

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