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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my neighbour what on earth is going on?

86 replies

SquarePeggyLeggy · 21/07/2020 07:02

I live in a duplex. My neighbour has a son the same age as mine, they attend the same school. When we first moved in, she was initially friendly. Gave us a bottle of wine and introduced herself. The boys did not hit it off. They had a run in at school (my son’s only, her son has since had issues with several children). The school dealt with it and didn’t even notify me. I only know because she came over to tell me that her son wasn’t interested in playing with mine or having him over to visit because of this. They were 6. We haven’t had an issue like this before and I was horrified, made my son apologise, he baked them biscuits. She sent me a message asking if they could meet at the park, my son did not want to go. So I made a polite excuse. This was 3 years ago now, nothing further has happened between the boys.
Our front doors are side by side and one day, she just started to pretend she didn’t see us. When we said hello (including my 4 year old daughter) she would ignore us. It’s obvious she’s also told her children to do the same. BUT her husband is friendly! Comes over to our side for a chat. Leans across her to wave! She started to do the same to our lovely neighbour on the other side at the same time. They also have boys the same age, our boys are friendly and play together. We are all nice people, it’s so strange and unpleasant. If she sees me outside she runs inside. It’s been like this for a couple of years now, I have no idea why.
It’s now escalated that she seems to really actually hate us. She drives a sports car and we left for the school run at the same time two weeks ago. It was very clear that she was driving very aggressively in order to get in front of our car!! I was driving at the speed limit and she was cutting out around me in school zones to get in front of us. It was so crazy, I can’t believe it was happening. I still can’t, we all had children in the car?! She allows her dog to poo in front of our letterbox. So technically not our property because it’s the nature strip, but we need to walk there. She only picks it up on her side. It’s quite an aggressive thing to do.
She’s become friends with a group of school Mums that Id describe as the cliquey school Mums, and she’s been gossiping about me to them, it’s gotten back to me indirectly. Stupid inane thing like I have a cleaner even though I’m a stay at home Mum. Just dumb stuff like that. The other Mums aren’t mean, but they do gossip a lot, and socialise together (during normal times) and I haven’t been interested in this, but am always warm and friendly when I see them at birthday parties, I’ll have a chat. I realised the gossip was happening because they all knew we got a new car... neighbour has to have told them.
It’s all just so weird and uncomfortable and awkward for me son. He’s befriended a kid and wants them to come over. But the Mum is close with my neighbour and it would just feel so awkward having them come next door? But I also don’t want to feed into this craziness.
We are good neighbours. We keep to ourselves, our home and garden are tidy. We are quiet and go to bed by 9 (we have a baby). We also have a dog but it lives inside, so we don’t disturb them. I could ignore it, but for the fact that it’s unpleasant every time I come home wondering WHY she’s acting like that, it’s beginning to impact my son’s social life, and it’s turned from rude to more aggressive with the driving and the poo.
Our other neighbours fee the same as us- just baffled and awkward.
Should I say something? Can I? Or is this just inviting drama and unpleasantness. I’ve been hoping they will just move. It’s not a serious bad neighbour situation but it’s just crap, you know?

OP posts:
SquarePeggyLeggy · 21/07/2020 07:06

Just to be clear, we haven’t exchanged a word in 3+ years. So she’s talking about me, not to me. And we don’t know each other. So have no idea what she can say?!

OP posts:
cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 07:08

She doesn't want to be your friend.

Molly500 · 21/07/2020 07:11

It's highly unlikely that any conversation with her is going to end well. They are all petty actions which she would dent. As you said she runs away whenever she sees you anyway. I would just ignore the behaviour and say hello all bright and breezy when you see her even if shes being a twat. Its all very odd but she clearly had issues and be grateful you dont live in her head.

Given your son is about 9 now does that mean he will be changing schools at 11? (Not sure if you're in the uk). The move to secondary school will help as it will put some distance between you.

What a loon.

Molly500 · 21/07/2020 07:12

I meant deny not dent.

mistermagpie · 21/07/2020 07:12

I don't think OP wants to be her friend either?

It's all very odd but personally I would just ignore it and let her crack on. Some people are weird but I don't think a confrontation would help at this point, and could make things worse, so I'd just forget about her and get on with your own stuff. Don't engage at all. She'll eventually get bored of a lack of reaction or she won't, but you won't notice her strange behaviour because you'll won't be giving her another thought.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 07:15

I don't think OP wants to be her friend either?

Then there is no need for a huge thread about it. Surely you simply get on with your life and ignore?

RandomUser3049 · 21/07/2020 07:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 21/07/2020 07:21

I don’t mind people knowing my (boring) business, but it all just makes me uneasy that I don’t know what else is said. And it does feel schoolyard, I just really don’t want it blowing back on my son.

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 21/07/2020 07:22

Then there is no need for a huge thread about it. Surely you simply get on with your life and ignore

Why shouldn’t she have a thread? What a strange comment. The situation is indeed weird and unpleasant.

I’d go against the grain here and ask her outright if you could both sit down and talk things through. Have one crack at it. Then at least you’d know you’d done what you can to repair the situation, and try to develop hard skin around issues with her.

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 07:23

Why shouldn’t she have a thread? What a strange comment.

I never said she shouldn't have a thread. I said there was no need for one if OP isn't looking to reconnect. Don't most people just ignore crap like this?

Feelingconfused2020 · 21/07/2020 07:23

Then there is no need for a huge thread about it. Surely you simply get on with your life and ignore?

The thread police are up early today

HouchinBawbags · 21/07/2020 07:24

PPs that's all well and good saying ignore her but the neighbour is actively ostracising her from friends and potential friends by saying all sorts about her to fellow school mums. Her son is being affected by this. OP mentioned one of his friends can't to come round and spend time with him due to this awkwardness.

If it were me I'd get into a nice neighbourly chat with her friendly husband and just come out with it, "Hey Bob, I don't want to stir anything up but is there any chance you can tell me what I've actually done to upset Wendy? I have no idea what I've done and so therefore can't make amends and end this hostility. It's been three years now so it's getting silly!"

cuntryclub · 21/07/2020 07:25

@Feelingconfused2020

Then there is no need for a huge thread about it. Surely you simply get on with your life and ignore?

The thread police are up early today

Oh for god sake, I'm not being thread police I just don't understand the huge life story for nothing. I though OP was looking to be friends with the neighbour. If not then fine, carry on with your day and ignore them.

iano · 21/07/2020 07:31

Do you think she found it difficult that your son and the other neighbours son are friendly but you declined a park date with her?
If your son had to apologise to her son I'm guessing your son was in the wrong? She will have noticed that you never met her but are friends with the other neighbour.
(Sorry if I've got something wrong here)

That doesn't excuse her behaviour but might explain some of it. Maybe she's just hurt?

gamerchick · 21/07/2020 07:33

The thread police are up early today

They are indeed.

There's nothing worse than a dickhead neighbour. It's stressful in its own way because you can't go home away from it.

The kid your bairn wants over, there's no reason why you can't. It's not as if you have to have the parents as well. The rest is just weird. It's a pity there's no camera footage of her driving like a knob.

ThePawtriarchy · 21/07/2020 07:37

Oh for god sake, I'm not being thread police I just don't understand the huge life story for nothing. I though OP was looking to be friends with the neighbour. If not then fine, carry on with your day and ignore them.

It’s an post to an online forum about a situation that the OP has a question about. It’s not... that hard to understand.

Itwasntme1 · 21/07/2020 07:38

I agree you won’t be able to reason with this woman, or even understand her.

She is a mean girl, and will twist any interaction into a story that favours her.

You haven’t done anything wrong. Just ignore her, treat her like a stranger you would nod at in the street, be polite. She will eventually get bored. She wants a reaction so don’t give it to her.

Invite your Sons new friend round for a play date, don’t give her the power to influence you or your child.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 21/07/2020 07:39

@iano

Do you think she found it difficult that your son and the other neighbours son are friendly but you declined a park date with her? If your son had to apologise to her son I'm guessing your son was in the wrong? She will have noticed that you never met her but are friends with the other neighbour. (Sorry if I've got something wrong here)

That doesn't excuse her behaviour but might explain some of it. Maybe she's just hurt?

That would make sense except that the ignoring had been happening for quite a while. I’ve befriended the other neighbours only in the last year - she very carefully asked if I was friendly with the in between neighbour and I said: no and I’ve no idea why! And then she said the same! I assumed my son was in the wrong, because she said so. The school didn’t tell me, so I took her at face value and was horrified. However the fact it’s never happened before or since, now makes me dubious. Her son hit my friend’s son after this whole thing, so I feel like now they were both at fault or hers was! It’s by the by now, they were little kids and maybe she’s like this because we said no to the park once... see? It’s so hard to know!
OP posts:
lyralalala · 21/07/2020 07:39

Just ignore her and continue as normal

Dont' worry about her with regard to your friend's child. If your son wants to invite him over then then let him.

If she mithers to the child's mother then that's their problem.

DDiva · 21/07/2020 07:39

Mention the poo to the husband and ignore everything else.

Surely the mums would have seen your car at school drop off anyway......

lyralalala · 21/07/2020 07:40

*your child's friend

Bluemoooon · 21/07/2020 07:40

I would explain what you know about this to the DCs - rather than putting a brave face on and pretending things are ok. Just so they know its her and not you or your family.
Poor DS, yes, i wouldn't trust her not to try and do things to big her son up and put DS down.
Any chance the boys could be friends now?

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 21/07/2020 07:40

a dog who lives inside? as opposed to a kennel in the garden?

let your ds have whoever he wants round.
hold your head high.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 21/07/2020 07:42

otoh why dont you just talk to her?
exchange pleasantries, you are bigger than this op.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 21/07/2020 07:42

I think the 'crazy' clues were there when she told you her 6 year old didn't want anymore contact with your 6 year old! Kids fall out and make up all the time - only a lunatic falls out with other parents over normal childhood interactions. The exception being proper bullying that a parent doesn't deal with.
Going by her rules, if her child had the right to stop being friends then your child also had that right. It's unreasonable of her to silk over something that she allowed her child to decide too.
Don't let her alienate you from the other mums at school. Make a point of getting in her space and reclaiming some of it for yourself. Invite the friend home that your son has made - stop allowing the neighbour this level of control and influence.

And flick that dog poo back onto her land post it through her letterbox in the middle of the night