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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL PPE

73 replies

LottaBean · 20/07/2020 18:01

I don't know if I'm just hormonal and grumpy from being overdue but my MIL has really irritated me. I'm due a baby basically anyday now, given the covid situation me and my partner had drawn up some 'rules' for people visiting baby on what we felt was safe and appropriate, asking people to sanitize their hands at our front door, wear a mask if they want to hold her, no kisses etc. Our close family have also been quarantining as much as physically possible leading up to my due date to try and stay germ free.
My MIL sent my partner a message last night saying she's spent £80 on PPE for us to have for visitors, including disposable gowns, lots of hand sanitizer and a load of clear visors 'because the baby needs to be able to see peoples faces'. We did not ask for this and had already bought hand sanitizer and some spare masks for visitors. It was also sent with some accompanying advice about having a bucket of water at the front door so people can wash before they enter etc. Like this might be my first baby but I'm not an idiot? If i needed advice or her opinion I would have asked and its got my back up a bit. AIBU for being annoyed with her for this? I just feel like she's my baby, its my house and I'll decide what measures need to be taken I didn't need her interference.

OP posts:
catbellz · 20/07/2020 18:04

Grin I can see how she's got your back up but she is only trying to be helpful. Bless her, she's gone completely OTT but I think it's come from a good place.

Mrsjayy · 20/07/2020 18:05

Ah she is just trying to protect her grand baby say thank you mil we are very grateful there was no real need though but we appreciate the gesture and move on and do your own thing.

Staplemaple · 20/07/2020 18:06

I think that's quite sweet to be honest, it seems she is taking protecting your baby seriously, even if perhaps a bit excessive. Unless there's more to it, I wouldnt be that annoyed.

Nicknacky · 20/07/2020 18:06

She’s just trying to help, take the equipment and thank her for being so thoughtful.

CuppaZa · 20/07/2020 18:07

Yeah, YABU. She’s trying to be as careful as she can be, probably to put your mind at rest as much as she can

SummerHouse · 20/07/2020 18:07

Lively combo of well meaning and bat shit. Some advice my DP have me which served me well over the last 10 years... "Just agree with her advice and totally ignore it."

BeeFarseer · 20/07/2020 18:09
Grin

Aww, she sounds lovely!

I understand why you're irritated but try and let it go. She could be the complete opposite and rubbishing any attempt to keep appropriate distance.

Soubriquet · 20/07/2020 18:09

Actually, I’m thinking good on her

I thought you was going to say she’s kicked off about having to wear all this but she hasn’t. She’s took your rules on board and following them, even if it’s on the extended side.

She hasn’t demanded money from you either has she?

Sharpandshineyteeth · 20/07/2020 18:09

I thought this would be that she is refusing but she’s not. She’s trying to help and think of the best way round it.

WorraLiberty · 20/07/2020 18:09

Jesus, MILs can't do right for doing wrong on Mumsnet.

I thought you were going to say she was refusing to wear PPE!

YABVU

SockQueen · 20/07/2020 18:09

My MiL would do stuff like this. It drove me nuts for a while until I came to realise that she was genuinely doing it out of kindness/wanting to make things easier for us, and not because she thought I was incapable. Unless you have previous history for her treating you badly, I'd just let this go. She's occasionally said/done some things which aren't exactly how I'd raise my children, but she loves her grandchildren and overall keeping a good relationship is worth letting a few niggles go.

Soubriquet · 20/07/2020 18:10

Extreme* side

TheMandalorian · 20/07/2020 18:10

I thought this was going to be about her completely ignoring your rules and kissing the baby.
I know well meaning but unasked for advise can be very annoying but at least she cares and is listening to you.

4amWitchingHour · 20/07/2020 18:12

This would annoy the fuck out of me if it were my mum or MIL, however I'm also 40+1, hormonal, and pissed off at still being pregnant. From an outside perspective she's just trying to be helpful and abide by your wishes (if she has perhaps gone a little overboard). Let this one roll over you :)

pregnancydiet · 20/07/2020 18:13

She's gone a bit OTT but she's trying to help and she's at least got your back with this.

SouthernskinNorthernsoul · 20/07/2020 18:13

I think this is actually really lovely of her. She's obviously taken all of your concerns on board and is trying to help the best she can. Go easy on her.

ConkerGame · 20/07/2020 18:18

She’s trying to be helpful OP! She’s taken your position on safety to heart and has gone all out to make sure the baby stays safe - be thankful!

I think this is your hormones/bad mood at being so pregnant. Hopefully it will all wear off once the baby is here!

forrestgreen · 20/07/2020 18:21

What would have been annoying is her ignoring your wishes and not doing it. She's heard what you said, is bothered about babies well-being and has come up with another idea. Which tbh is a good one, babies love faces.

MeridianB · 20/07/2020 18:36

I thought you were going to say she was refusing to wear a mask. The bucket of water aside, I think it’s best to just use it and be grateful.

roxfox · 20/07/2020 18:44

I'm sure you have your reasons but as new mum myself I'd really appreciate this.

PotteringAlong · 20/07/2020 18:48

She’s trying to be helpful! If it was me I would be thinking “she wants me to wear a mask to hold the baby, is she nuts!!” And she’s actually trying to make an effort!

Yes, YABU. And a bit mean. And ditch the masks.

laudete · 20/07/2020 18:52

This sounds very kind; PPE is jolly expensive. Your MIL has listened to your plans for baby and is showing her support for your position. I note "people's faces" ie she doesn't expect the PPE is just so she can see the new grandchild. The PPE is for all your visitors, to add to the household sanitation stockpile. Your partner can thank his mom for the gift, which was communicated to him, and he can use the PPE even if you don't want to use it. She is surely allowed to buy gifts that her own child can use?

laudete · 20/07/2020 18:53

Btw, being overdue must suck. Mine were early and I was still super fed up and wanted them out! I hope your baby arrives very soon. Best wishes for the delivery. x

LillianBland · 20/07/2020 18:54

I’m just here waiting for the back story.

GeorginaTheGiant · 20/07/2020 18:55

I also can’t see the problem with this. I was expecting the post to go on to say that MiL refuses to wear the PPE not that she’s fully backing you up and has bought some for you to have at your house! Unless there’s a huge backstory I think you’re overreacting and being unreasonable, sorry. If you prefer masks then maybe just politely explain that you won’t use the visors as masks are more effective but accept the other bits with gratitude and maybe also thank her for listening to your wishes, you know it’s an odd time to be meeting a new grandchild and all the PPE must feel weird...etc. There’s no reason that I can see to make a thing of this, keep relations with in laws positive unless it’s impossible!