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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL PPE

73 replies

LottaBean · 20/07/2020 18:01

I don't know if I'm just hormonal and grumpy from being overdue but my MIL has really irritated me. I'm due a baby basically anyday now, given the covid situation me and my partner had drawn up some 'rules' for people visiting baby on what we felt was safe and appropriate, asking people to sanitize their hands at our front door, wear a mask if they want to hold her, no kisses etc. Our close family have also been quarantining as much as physically possible leading up to my due date to try and stay germ free.
My MIL sent my partner a message last night saying she's spent £80 on PPE for us to have for visitors, including disposable gowns, lots of hand sanitizer and a load of clear visors 'because the baby needs to be able to see peoples faces'. We did not ask for this and had already bought hand sanitizer and some spare masks for visitors. It was also sent with some accompanying advice about having a bucket of water at the front door so people can wash before they enter etc. Like this might be my first baby but I'm not an idiot? If i needed advice or her opinion I would have asked and its got my back up a bit. AIBU for being annoyed with her for this? I just feel like she's my baby, its my house and I'll decide what measures need to be taken I didn't need her interference.

OP posts:

Miserablemoan · 20/07/2020 19:57

It does sound a bit bonkers but just smile and nod.
(FWIW my ds scaled his bookcase before he could even walk properly! )

pigsDOfly · 20/07/2020 19:58

Sorry x post with your update OP.

CelestialSpanking · 20/07/2020 19:59

I can see why it’s pissed you off in the sense that every fucking thing anyone did in the days leading up to both my kids births pissed me off but sounds like she’s tried to be helpful and that’s what you need to remember. It’s come from a place of love.

excuseforfights · 20/07/2020 19:59

There are some scary videos of toddlers climbing Chester drawers.

ForeverInSunshine · 20/07/2020 20:00

At least she didn't buy you baby a visor! Which is what my mum has done so she can coo over the baby! All jokes aside, it sounds like she's tried to do a nice thing and you threw a tantrum. Faces are nice for babies to see and so visors make sense if someone is holding the baby etc.

Seriously DIL like you are why being a "future" MIL sucks. You are trying to see fault in what's she's said, and maybe she's on the blunt side of speaking but she clearly has the babies best interest at heart.

Foxinsocks1 · 20/07/2020 20:04

Also with her on the bookshelf. As irritating as it can be she will have your baby’s best interest at heart. She has experience of this and yes a lot will be outdated but some will still be relevant. And it’s quite normal to be annoyed by these things.

ForeverInSunshine · 20/07/2020 20:04

Baby visors!

Soubriquet · 20/07/2020 20:05

That baby visor is adorable

I love how it’s got a little princes crown in it too

pregnancydiet · 20/07/2020 20:05

Agree with others that everything and everyone is annoying at this stage in pregnancy. Doesn't mean you're a terrible Dil or she's a terrible mil.
Just hold your council for now whilst you're hormonal so you don't say anything you regret.

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/07/2020 20:09

@LottaBean

I don't know if I'm just hormonal and grumpy from being overdue but my MIL has really irritated me. I'm due a baby basically anyday now, given the covid situation me and my partner had drawn up some 'rules' for people visiting baby on what we felt was safe and appropriate, asking people to sanitize their hands at our front door, wear a mask if they want to hold her, no kisses etc. Our close family have also been quarantining as much as physically possible leading up to my due date to try and stay germ free. My MIL sent my partner a message last night saying she's spent £80 on PPE for us to have for visitors, including disposable gowns, lots of hand sanitizer and a load of clear visors 'because the baby needs to be able to see peoples faces'. We did not ask for this and had already bought hand sanitizer and some spare masks for visitors. It was also sent with some accompanying advice about having a bucket of water at the front door so people can wash before they enter etc. Like this might be my first baby but I'm not an idiot? If i needed advice or her opinion I would have asked and its got my back up a bit. AIBU for being annoyed with her for this? I just feel like she's my baby, its my house and I'll decide what measures need to be taken I didn't need her interference.

I think you are being hormonal. She is being very supportive bless her. The clear visors are a great idea - might get some for when we’re able to see my parents.

pregnancydiet · 20/07/2020 20:11

Counsel*

Staplemaple · 20/07/2020 20:12

She does have a point with the bookcase, but that won't be for another year or so, and you can screw them into the wall. DS tried to climb everything when he was younger, and anything he could access that wasn't attached securely to a wall was at danger of tipping over. With a newborn that isn't mobile it's not an issue, and she probably could have just say aw it's lovely in here and then mentioned it another time though.

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/07/2020 20:13

@LottaBean

Thank you those that have tried to give me another perspective reading it back and thinking about it she probably just wants to help. I was a bit irritated as she made a comment last week when we showed her the nursery, saying a bookshelf was unsafe as the baby would climb it like a ladder and I just wanted to roll my eyes but no she hasn't done anything particularly horrid I just feel she pushes in sometimes when its not needed? A few people making comments about me making it difficult for her to see baby that's not the case at all and was perfectly happy for her to visit with the rules we had already set out so no, I'm not trying to find an excuse why she can't see her grandchild. I'll just accept it, say thanks and try to reframe it in my mind as kindness and not that she thinks I'm incompetent.

Just to let you know, my 7 mo is climbing into cupboards now and trying to do the same to the bookshelf (he is pulling himself up onto it now and trying to hike a leg up). So she probably has a point. My 9 mo DN can climb up and down bunk beds already (usually so he can smack his brother in the face)

SunbathingDragon · 20/07/2020 20:19

I was a bit irritated as she made a comment last week when we showed her the nursery, saying a bookshelf was unsafe as the baby would climb it like a ladder

I do agree with her about this. Before he could even walk DS1 was a climber and ended go with a black front tooth.

1Morewineplease · 20/07/2020 20:21

She sounds very keen to see her new grandchild and feels that you might be overprotective as a new mum and felt that her efforts would appease you.
Let her be.
As to the bookcase, I’ll just say that it’s important to make sure that it’s secured to the wall, like Ikea recommend... I have the T-shirt on that one.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 20/07/2020 20:29

You both sound bonkers frankly, but her in a good way.

OP do whatever makes you feel safe, but I had twins who were immunocompromised and under 2 consultants and a specialist nurse, and I didn't have a list of rules. We just asked people to remove shoes, wash hands, and avoid holding babies till the nurses said it was okay.

However given you've gone down that route, your MIL is clearly trying to show willing.

She is also right about the bookcase - unless it's fixed to the wall, it's a risk.

Sometimes, older women who have had babies actually know what they are talking about.......

sussexmum · 20/07/2020 20:47

i think its "helpful" but the bit where MIL says coz baby needs to see faces is a bit judgemental. just thank her graciously then ignore it all, good luck with the baby!

nowahousewife · 20/07/2020 20:51

Be glad your MIL cares and listens to you.
She does have a point re the bookcase, my younger one used to scale a built in one on our living room long before he could walk!

There was also a v v sad case 15 years ago when 2 year old twins climbed a chest of drawers which toppled and killed them - heart breaking
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk/2004/dec/22/kirstyscott

ForeverInSunshine · 20/07/2020 21:27

@Soubriquet

That baby visor is adorable

I love how it’s got a little princes crown in it too

It is really cute. It's being used in maternity wards (not in the U.K.) for when the baby has to get checked and moved away from mum etc. My mum is really into the visors plus masks when she goes out etc. I think she safer due to wearing contact lenses rather than glasses.

onlinelinda · 21/07/2020 08:35

Don't worry OP. I was not at all even tempered just before the birth of a baby. Many of us were similar!

timeisnotaline · 21/07/2020 09:29

We have always confirmed with landlords that we will be fastening book shelves etc to walls to provide a safe environment for our young children. That’s perfectly normal, not fastening them to the wall is dangerous! She’s being kind and thoughtful.

pickingdaisies · 21/07/2020 09:51

Oh OP the bucket of water has made me lol! But, bonkers though she sounds, she's got a point about the bookcase (I think it has been mentioned one or twice already) and also, there was an article on R4 recently about hospitals moving to visors or clear masks for people treating babies and children, because children benefit so much from being able to see facial expressions. It's also for hearing impaired. So there may be method in her madness .... But if she tries to install a disinfectant spray station at your front door, then she's definitely gone too far

Megzmoo · 22/07/2020 17:35

I don't think your being unreasonable, I think you are being very kind to let visitors hold your baby. We have a 6 week old and grandparents only help her for the first time yesterday (wearing ppe) no one else has held her yet, although lots of people are obviously desperate too! My mil has been the complete opposite and moaning about how she had to wear ppe, she then blamed wearing a disposable apron on the reason why dd cried when she held her 😂 when it was probably because she's only 6 weeks and never not been with mummy or daddy!

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