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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL PPE

73 replies

LottaBean · 20/07/2020 18:01

I don't know if I'm just hormonal and grumpy from being overdue but my MIL has really irritated me. I'm due a baby basically anyday now, given the covid situation me and my partner had drawn up some 'rules' for people visiting baby on what we felt was safe and appropriate, asking people to sanitize their hands at our front door, wear a mask if they want to hold her, no kisses etc. Our close family have also been quarantining as much as physically possible leading up to my due date to try and stay germ free.
My MIL sent my partner a message last night saying she's spent £80 on PPE for us to have for visitors, including disposable gowns, lots of hand sanitizer and a load of clear visors 'because the baby needs to be able to see peoples faces'. We did not ask for this and had already bought hand sanitizer and some spare masks for visitors. It was also sent with some accompanying advice about having a bucket of water at the front door so people can wash before they enter etc. Like this might be my first baby but I'm not an idiot? If i needed advice or her opinion I would have asked and its got my back up a bit. AIBU for being annoyed with her for this? I just feel like she's my baby, its my house and I'll decide what measures need to be taken I didn't need her interference.

OP posts:

Chocolateandamaretto · 20/07/2020 18:55

I think if you have a read around mumsnet you’ll see Plenty of new grandparents complaining about having to sanitise or not kiss baby or whatever. It’s nice that she cares!

rosegoldivy · 20/07/2020 18:55

@lillianbland same!! Waiting on the drip feed being teased out....

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/07/2020 18:57

It makes a welcome change from in-laws with coldsores insisting on kissing babies.

I must admit it just made me smile. At least you know she's taking all this seriously. I wouldn't do the bucket of water but if she wants to wear a visor all power to her.

84claire84 · 20/07/2020 18:59

Yeah YABVU

LightDrizzle · 20/07/2020 19:02

I’d put this in the helpful category.
Give her the benefit of the doubt in this one.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 20/07/2020 19:03

While I can understand you feeling agitated, I think this is actually really kind (if slightly ott). She’s being really respectful of your wishes, and is actively trying to support them. The visors are a really sweet idea, babies can’t see very far, but they do stare at faves. it’ll be nice for them to be able to look at the person who is holding them.

Best wishes for your delivery, fingers crossed not too much longer.

Peeta · 20/07/2020 19:05

"and a load of clear visors 'because the baby needs to be able to see peoples faces'."

I read this as MIL has bought visors for people to wear instead of a mask. She knows that OP and her partner have bought masks for visitors to use already, but she's bought visors instead because she thinks "the baby needs to be able see peoples faces". That would piss me off, visors just protect the wearer from big droplets, they won't stop anyone who's holding the baby from spreading their germs. They need to wear masks. If I've read that right, then YANBU OP.

Also, why the need to specify that she's spent £80?!

SunbathingDragon · 20/07/2020 19:05

I don’t see the issue. If she bought you some nappies for the baby would that be her overstepping the mark as well or being helpful?

I’d be pleased she was following your rules and helping to ensure others could also do the same. It’s much better all round than the alternative.

Mistystar99 · 20/07/2020 19:10

You are both being massively weird.

purplecorkheart · 20/07/2020 19:33

I think she is being kind. PPE is expensive. She is doing her best to save you and unexpected expense. Honest you need to ask yourself if it was your parents/sibling/best friend who did this would you feel the same or is it just because it is your mil? You both have the same goal, keeping your baby safe.

Pr1mr0se · 20/07/2020 19:36

You're just hormonal and protective of your space. Your MIL will annoy you but she means well. At least she didn't grump and refuse to follow the rules!

EatsShootsAndRuns · 20/07/2020 19:36

Passing dogs will appreciate the bucket of water

excuseforfights · 20/07/2020 19:37

OMG, MIL can't do wrong for doing right, can she, OP?

I really think some people let power go to their hand when they think they can hold family to ransom over a newborn baby.

Pinkypink · 20/07/2020 19:38

I totally agree with @SummerHouse

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 20/07/2020 19:43

You started it with the whole PPE stuff. She finished it.. in style.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 20/07/2020 19:45

And she's probably trying to bypass any kind of PPE reasons why she might not be able to visit/hold the baby. So if you were banking on that... bad news OP.

Nottherealslimshady · 20/07/2020 19:47

Shes trying to be nice I think. Youd be far more pissed off if she wasnt taking it seriously and refused to wear a mask or anything wouldn't you.

Spanishmama0114 · 20/07/2020 19:48

I too think this has cane from a genuinely good place. I wouldn't be too hard on her but I can see how it might get your back up.

The hands down one thing that has made parenting easier for me is eventually realising when people give you advice, smile, nod your head and do what you think is right.

Spanishmama0114 · 20/07/2020 19:48

I too think this has cane from a genuinely good place. I wouldn't be too hard on her but I can see how it might get your back up.

The hands down one thing that has made parenting easier for me is eventually realising when people give you advice, smile, nod your head and then do what you think is right.

Oysterbabe · 20/07/2020 19:51

The term you're looking for is thank you.

Foxinsocks1 · 20/07/2020 19:52

I was expecting this to be that she was refusing to follow your rules or was asking for her money back.
She’s done a good thing. One thing I thought whilst reading is there’s no point making people wear a mask to hold your baby, if they’ve got anything it’ll likely be on their clothes and more likely to be transmitted that way. So her disposable gowns sound bloody amazing! And developmentally it’ll be fantastic for baby to see faces. Your MIL sounds like an intelligent, well researched thoughtful lady and you should thank her

Original poster

LottaBean · 20/07/2020 19:53

Thank you those that have tried to give me another perspective reading it back and thinking about it she probably just wants to help. I was a bit irritated as she made a comment last week when we showed her the nursery, saying a bookshelf was unsafe as the baby would climb it like a ladder and I just wanted to roll my eyes but no she hasn't done anything particularly horrid I just feel she pushes in sometimes when its not needed?
A few people making comments about me making it difficult for her to see baby that's not the case at all and was perfectly happy for her to visit with the rules we had already set out so no, I'm not trying to find an excuse why she can't see her grandchild.
I'll just accept it, say thanks and try to reframe it in my mind as kindness and not that she thinks I'm incompetent.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 20/07/2020 19:56

To be fair, I’m with her on the bookshelf!

pigsDOfly · 20/07/2020 19:56

Poor MIL. Bless her, she's listened to you, taken everything you've said on board and tried to be helpful and let you know she absolutely respects your wishes and wants to do the right thing.

Yes, she's gone way OTT, but it's coming from a kind place.

Accept that she's trying to be helpful and wants to make you, her DIL, happy.

Not sure about the bucket of water though.

pregnancydiet · 20/07/2020 19:57

She may be right on the bookshelf, sorry

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