Do many people think that ADHD is not real?

[Ilovecranberries]

Was having remote drinks with a friend and his wife yesterday. She's a secondary school teacher in a quite "rough" school (not in the UK). I was quite surprised when, discussing something quite abstract about how different people think and react differently, she had said quite breezily that the majority of teachers she knows "don't believe" in the existence of ADHD.
Incidentally, one of my children is currently being assessed for it, but it is not news that I had shared socially outside of my immediate family. I wasn't offended, but I wonder if it is actually a widespread view behind the closed doors?

@wed8pril she's actually currently being assessed for Münchausen syndrome due to the amount of hospital and drs visits my siblings have had hence why my dad is going through court right now to get custody.

But I'm horrible, what do I know.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Bythemillpond

The point is that not all chaotic households have ADHD

There are a massive range of factors in family dysfunction. One of my parents taught in a school in an area with a huge amount of family dysfunction caused by myriad complex factors - unemployment, lots of younger single parents lacking support, poverty, substance abuse, traumatic life experiences (refugees etc). They had very high levels of parents thinking their child had ADHD. Some did. Not all

What you are describing is ADHD in the parents. You could be describing my family (even down to the refugee status) my grandfather was definitely ADHD and from family conversations growing up even my great grandfather. Neither myself or any of my family could be accused of playing video games too much. Super Mario wasn’t even invented let alone tv in some cases.

Did all the family members get tested? Because if it was just CAHMS doing the tests for the child it can be missed.
I took Ds to Cahms when he was younger to be tested for adhd.
The reception to Cahms was on the ground floor. When we were called for the appointment we were told to go up in the lift and the person doing the assessment would be waiting
As the lift doors opened this woman was standing waiting for us said immediately “Well he hasn’t got ADHD”
And that was our assessment.
There then followed about an awkward 20 minutes of taking some details as Ds was acting like the poster boy for ADHD and her not being able to about turn on her assessment. I should in hindsight just pressed the down button in the lift and gone back down.

Without the assessment he couldn’t get any adjustments at school. So in the end he didn’t go. He actually walked out of school after 5 weeks of Senior school. He couldn’t cope anymore. He got multiple detentions everyday for not listening, not doing homework, losing things or just forgetting things.

Ds is awaiting the assessment as an adult.

I was tested and am now on medication.

Dd is going through the assessment process.

Even Dh we are trying to persuade to go and get tested as we all see the same symptoms in him.

Fwiw I never believed I had adhd. It wasn’t until January this year that dd came to me with a list of the symptoms because she thought she has ADHD
I just thought other people could think better than me.
I haven’t worked for decades as after having 3 f/t jobs (first person in my family to get a f/t job) and having 3 nervous breakdowns after 2 years in each one I decided I couldn’t ever work again.
When she showed me the list I ticked every symptom. DD said but you have to have had them as a child as well. It was like a lightbulb. Everything that had gone wrong, every choice I had made in my life is down solely to ADHD.
The psychiatrist who tested me said I was definitely ADHD within 3 minutes of meeting me.

My brother is also diagnosed. He's 11 now. He's just horrible as much as I hate to say it. My ex stepmum allows him to play Xbox all day and all night, he doesn't go to school. He stopped when he was 9 as he was addicted to computer games and he stays up until 4am playing then goes to sleep until 3pm then does it all over again. My Dad is currently in the middle of going to court with her over this

So what do you think your dad will do?
Say he has to go to school
Say he has to go to bed
And he is expecting his Ds to comply because all his Ds is lacking is discipline?

It won’t end well

Iv 3 adhd children and their dad freely admits he is probably adhd too. Our first we didn't know what hit us. We had from a toddler, a child that would destroy everything, climb everything, pull everything put of cupboards, ran off all the time, hurt himself so many times, head banged off the floor. I remember sat with hv crying as we just didn't know what to do.

Ds at age 3 that I could scoot up to 6 miles a day and wasnt tired. He went though autism assessment due to headbanging and obsessive behaviours. We did loads parenting courses as we thought we had failed. Then his asd review consultant said at 4 - I'm sure this has adhd but we have to wait until he is 6. It was like a light bulb moment. We read up, we understood more, we started to make sense of ds. Luckily he was diagnosed at 6 and medicated at 7 (we held off a year as we really didn't want to medicate). He went from being unable to read to top of his class in 6 months. He made tons more friends as he wasnt like a bull in a china shop. He is flying with medication and now chooses himself to take it.

ADHD is a neurological disability. It is not caused by x,y or z. It is mainly inherited from the male line. The front part of the brain is over active. It goes hand in hand with autism traits/dyspraxia, for example. It rarely presents alone.
When out and about I've experimented by mentioning my son has autism. Met with understanding. When I say ADHD, it's the opposite. He has both

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Wordsareveryunnecessary it's not as simple as that is it? I thought it was difficulties in specific areas, not being developmentally delayed

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Difficulty is in all areas. Social interaction , reading, writing, executive functioning, comprehension, working memory, emotional regulation, poor eye contact. Having dealt with all this for 14 years

I was assessed last week and I have been on meds, a really low dose for 1 week.

Before that the only way I could describe my life is my brain is scrambled.
It is like thinking through a brick wall

My issue is I think in 1 week I have got used to the meds although it is a low dose that I was started on I didn’t really feel any difference but I was getting a few things done and my brain was a little less scrambled.

Today however I haven’t got the little less scrambled effect and have already had a meltdown through frustration at losing something. I am hoping it is a blip.

My whole life has been affected by adhd. It affects every aspect of your life. Even the simplest tasks feel like you are being asked to climb Mount Everest with an arm and a leg tied behind your back.
But if I suddenly find something incredibly interesting then I am completely focused and almost on a mission to read or spend everything and anything on the subject for 2 weeks. Then it gets dropped and I return to muddling through life till the next time.

It really is shit.

Please tell me how you can 'play the system' to get a diagnosis of ADHD. I really am very interested.

Yes, I would love to know how this can be done. My DD1 has SEN and adoption related attachment issues and we’ve long suspected that she’s on the ASD spectrum somewhere.

But we’ve had such a struggle to get the school to support us in applying for an EHCP or a full assessment by CAMHS. Because she isn’t far enough behind academically at school and she masks so successfully so they don’t see her behavioural problems.

No, it isn’t at all easy to ‘play the system’ and get a diagnosis!!

@Whoscoatsthatjacket

I don’t doubt it’s existence however I do think it’s over diagnosed and in some cases there is definitely an element of poor parenting.

I wish you knew the pain and struggle that comments like yours cause people with asd and adhd.

Whoscoatsthatjacket

I don’t doubt it’s existence however I do think it’s over diagnosed and in some cases there is definitely an element of poor parenting

There is no element of poor parenting. You either have it or you don’t.

What do you consider to be poor parenting. Do you mean no routine, lax discipline?

If so then mine were raised with poor parenting.

But would poor parenting result in a child learning a particular subject for 18 hours per day for 2 weeks then getting bored and then after a while teaching themselves something else and then something else.

Maybe the poor parenting comes from the fact the parents have ADHD.

[quote wishawish91]@wed8pril she's actually currently being assessed for Münchausen syndrome due to the amount of hospital and drs visits my siblings have had hence why my dad is going through court right now to get custody.

But I'm horrible, what do I know.

[/quote]
Well then, surely it's more appropriate to say "I have a highly unique and stressful family situation, with children displaying unusual behaviours and I shouldn't write my thoughts about a separate more common and disabilitating condition because they're not relevant and skewed by distressing personal circumstances."

Its a bit like going onto a foodbank thread and talking about your Aunty who claims benefits for the corpse she keeps in the living room.

Talk about drip feed from saying those children are being badly raised into saying they're being abused by a mentally unwell parent.

Having said that, children with ADHD are biologically likely to have chaotic families. It's a highly inheritable condition.

@Whoscoatsthatjacket

I don’t doubt it’s existence however I do think it’s over diagnosed and in some cases there is definitely an element of poor parenting.

Some ADHD parents have ADHD children and there neurodiversity means they struggle with parenting more than average parents. And may make decisions you don't agree with, but they're not necessarily inappropriate for their own personal circumstances.

And regardless, ADHD is underdiagnosed, not overdiagnosed.

she's actually currently being assessed for Münchausen syndrome due to the amount of hospital and drs visits my siblings have had hence why my dad is going through court right now to get custody

That doesn’t make sense.
Isn’t Munchausen Syndrome something you do to yourself. I.e you are the one having doctors and hospital appointments.

As a mother of 2 ADHD children, their file at A&E must have been really thick from when they were children. School accidents, park accidents, falling down stairs, swallowing a big ball bearing. Apart from the A&E visits there were lots and lots of doctors appointments trying to get someone to listen.
It can go with the territory of having ADHD children.

Not too sure how your father taking over is going to stop all this.

Whoscoatsthatjacket
Do you think all that is lacking is a routine, schooling, discipline and early nights.

I work in education and I 100% think it's real. But I do also think it's misdiagnosed on occasion in children who are in fact hyper alert or hyper-aware due to living in extremely chaotic households.

There's a small amount of work been done in this area (in particular many many years ago the effect of a stable morning routine on outcomes for the rest of the day), but there's not nearly enough research imo.

Anecdotally (and keeping in mind in no expert) to me the difference seems to be adhd children can focus their attention on things; they just can't control that focus is - hence why they can hyper-fixate on certain topics. Children from chaotic households get distracted by every thing going on in the classroom because at home they have to be aware of everything going on for their own safety.

Obviously I could be completely wrong as the people diagnosing adhd are far more knowledgeable about it than me. In which case I'd suggest a high number of children with adhd live in highly stressful homes. There is lots of research into the impact of adverse childhood experiences on mental health. Sorry for going off on a bit of a tangent!

My daughter is most definitely very very very ADHD. Diagnosed 6 weeks after she turned 6. She isn't actually "challenging". She is very high energy though.

She can't focus enough to even people to speak properly, she can't focus long enough to hear the ends of words so doesn't say them.

She is astonishingly bright but can't maintain focus at all.

Her impulsivity is our major issue.

Definitely is very real

The chaotic parenting line is such bullshit. My parents were affluent and 'naice'. I was dx as a child and I'm 40. Yet even now the dc from chaotic homes are far more likely to be dismissed as just shit parenting than those from stable backgrounds. It's a line that's just trotted out because some nts can't overcome their urge to share their discriminating and ignorant thoughts.

Like anyone with adhd, I put an insane amount of effort into attempting to create a filter in my brain, seems such a waste that some nts waste that natural filter to focus on broadcasting their stupidity. Wankers

Isn’t Munchausen Syndrome something you do to yourself. I.e you are the one having doctors and hospital appointments.

I think that poster meant Maunchausen Syndrome by Proxy. That’s when the sufferer causes their child/patient to have accidents/have unnecessary surgery.

A mother diagnosed with MBP as a result of hurting their DC would have them removed from their care.

ADHD is not over diagnosed in this country. It is actually under diagnosed. You have to go through a lot of steps to get to an ADHD diagnosis on the NHS.
Agree wholeheartedly with BertieBotts, well said!
I have worked in education and personally have never experienced a parent trying to pass off normal bad behaviour as ADHD. Most parents don't want their child to have an ADHD diagnosis - and to deal with the stigma attached, based on personal experience. X

@BertieBotts

Yes, lots of people believe it isn't real. I have it and I don't tell people unless I am quite sure they will take me seriously because it is actually a pretty debilitating condition. It's hard enough without people going on about it being an excuse or medication turning you into a zombie or whatever, which is pretty hurtful TBH.

It is real. People with ADHD have different chemical make up in the brain.

I think sometimes people say it can't be ADHD it must be poor parenting because parents of an ADHD child:

• may know that "ordinary" parenting practices will exacerbate their child's current behaviour, and responsively decide that deescalation is the highest priority. This may look like "indulging" or even "rewarding" bad behaviour.

• may need to use non-standard parenting practices because this is what helps their child to learn the skills they need long term. Again to somebody without the wider context this can look like "not dealing with behaviour"

• are probably exhausted and worn out because their own child may display challenging behaviour many, many times more than most children do in a single day. So they may not react perfectly on the 20th time.

• have a high chance of having ADHD themselves and so may lack the skills of regulation and consistency required for "good" parenting. Their own condition may be unrecognised and therefore unmanaged.

You have absolutely hit the nail on the head with every word you've written in this post. Thank you.

@MrsJuliaGulia

Bad behaviour is not the same thing as ADHD. Plenty of children with ADHD are well behaved in most respects - they say please and thank you, have nice table manners, let others go through doors first, help others who need it and the like.

But they can't sit still for long. And are easily distracted. And cannot concentrate on schoolwork.

Your comment is ill informed.