Loads of mean threads!

[PattyCake45]

Is it just me or has there been a disproportionate amount of really nasty threads recently? Not going into detail as it's TAAT but there's been a fair few where comments have immediately descended into attacking OPs, mocking them or offering sarcastic and unhelpful replies. Some of it has been quite upsetting to be honest.

I know MN is famed for its no nonsense nature but a lot of what I've seen has been sheer nastiness. What's going on? Has everyone just reached the end of their tether with lockdown?

PS I'm braced and ready for this one to go the same way

@heartsonacake

So you think being horrible to someone seeking help is OK, and anyone who thinks this is unacceptable is the one with the problem?

SidesteppinTheRona No. I think anyone who gets upset over words on a screen is oversensitive and needs to address that and gain some resilience.

I agree with that actually, @heartsonacake, but that’s all on the person on the receiving end of the nasty posts.

The question is why are people so horrible in the first place, and why does this nastiness seem to be on the rise on MN (if it is).

The problem with the 'over sensitive' argument is that lots of vulnerable people come here looking for advice and support because they don't have anyone to confide in in their real life. You're not always dealing with these so called robust types who use MN as a bit of entertainment throughout their day. Not everyone is strong and able to brush off unkind words especially when they result in huge pile ones from lots of posters.

I would hate to think that I had made someone's pain or anxiety worse through a mean or unnecessary comment. I'd rather just say nothing. But if you're ok with that then I guess that says more about you as a person.

Always been the way hun xx

SidesteppinTheRona I don’t think nastiness is on the rise, and I don’t think it’s a huge problem.

The majority of posts people refer to as “nasty” are just posts that they disagree with, or posts where they are told the truth but it isn’t sugarcoated.

Life shouldn’t be sugarcoated. Nobody will ever change anything if people just skirt around the issue.

@Winterwoollies

You’ve picked on me because of my username which I chose when I was in a really bad place due to abusive DH. I’ve explained why I chose my username but you’ve ignored it and haven’t explained how I have been nasty on this thread?

I find your comments very upsetting as I don’t think I’ve done anything to justify you telling me how I’ve proved OP’s point that people are really nasty and how my username speaks volumes?

I think the treatment of @excuseforfights is so typical of the nonsense I see on this board.

She has explained the very sensitive reason for her username.

She shouldn't have to explain anything to anyone.

However some spark decided to go looking for a stick to verbally beat someone with, just to be nasty/clever and prove a point.

How does any of this contribute to the argument around AIBU and mean threads, except to simply prove the point that AIBU is a licensed bear baiting arena, and Mumsnet love it because the advertisers love it?

It's always been the same on MN. I think it just seems worse recently because more people than ever are going through a really awful time. And if you've just lost your job or are faced with homelessness or whatever, you do tend to be snippy hearing about people moaning they can't claim UC because they have £16,000 in savings or moaning that they have to go back to work or they're furious that the delivery for their expensive new house item has been delayed or they're devastated because their friend hasn't invited them to something.

And yes, ALWAYS there are people doing well and some not but at the moment, more people are suffering than usual so they're less patient and more likely to be irritated.

That's not to say being nasty or abusive is okay but if you want to post asking for opinions on a forum, some of those opinions may be what you don't want to hear.

I agree op. I can be robust in my answers but never nasty. I drifted over to another forum during lockdown as it was particularly hostile here.

@excuseforfights I didn’t ‘pick on you’ because of your name. I didn’t pick on you at all! You started berating me...

I’m sorry about your abusive husband. That sounds awful.

But still, read back, didn’t pick on you...

Another who thinks it is down to name changing. Perhaps if you could have two user names - one for personal stuff and one for general chitchat it might make posters more accountable. This thread seems an odd thread to name change for.

I agree that namechanging is part of the problem - although I change names every 6 months or so myself (I like to post details about where I live, DC, family etc but also like to ask anonymous advice!)

I also think that it’s a clash of people with different understandings of the purpose of MN. Some people use MN for support, and for them the words of random strangers does mean something. Others use MN for entertainment, or to vent, or something else.

I hope @heartsonacake doesn’t mind me singling her out as an example, but she was torn a new one on a thread the other day about taking people’s temperature - to the point where I instantly recognised her username here. If she was not upset by that then I can absolutely see why she’d think it’s ok to vent on others. She can clearly take it as well as give it!

I tend to think of AIBU as a place where heartsonacake and the like can hang out, and the rest of MN as a more nurturing and supporting place.

TheSockMonster No, I don’t mind you mentioning me and no, it didn’t upset me. I can quite easily disregard comments from randomers on the internet and yes I still stand by what I said in the thread. I didn’t return because I was just repeating myself so there was little point.

Thanks @GinDaddyRedux

@Winterwoollies I don't think I berated you, I just disagreed that that nursery thread got nasty (yes there were a few idiotic comments) and I gave my reasons. More than happy to be disagreed with, but using my username against me is unfair.

@excuseforfights fine. I didn’t know that you were in an abusive relationship, I couldn’t possibly have done could I? But as you seemed like you were trying to pick a fight with me, it seemed apt.

Shall we stop @ ing each other now?

@excuseforfights

Thanks *@GinDaddyRedux*

@Winterwoollies I don't think I berated you, I just disagreed that that nursery thread got nasty (yes there were a few idiotic comments) and I gave my reasons. More than happy to be disagreed with, but using my username against me is unfair.

Oh come on.

No-one is going to know the reason you picked that user name are they?

It's unfair to try to make anyone feel guilty for not knowing that, when you're posting on the most controversial board on MN, with a name like excuse for fights.

I expect Winterwoolies won't be the only poster to pick up on that.

I still don’t understand why disagreeing that a particular thread was nasty is me picking a fight? Is it now nasty to disagree on something?

It's unfair to try to make anyone feel guilty for not knowing that, when you're posting on the most controversial board on MN, with a name like excuse for fights.

Where have I said that anyone should feel guilty for not knowing why I picked my username? When I picked it, the thought of what MNers may think didn’t even enter my mind, I was imply too upset to think of a nice name so just described the situation.

I do thinking that using my nickname as a stick to beat me with was unfair. There are MNers with ‘bitch’ in their username, is it ok for me to say ‘your name speaks volumes’ to them? Because I would never do that.

The fact is that picking on someone’s username is a cheap shot and nothing I’ve said warranted it.