Loads of mean threads!

[PattyCake45]

Is it just me or has there been a disproportionate amount of really nasty threads recently? Not going into detail as it's TAAT but there's been a fair few where comments have immediately descended into attacking OPs, mocking them or offering sarcastic and unhelpful replies. Some of it has been quite upsetting to be honest.

I know MN is famed for its no nonsense nature but a lot of what I've seen has been sheer nastiness. What's going on? Has everyone just reached the end of their tether with lockdown?

PS I'm braced and ready for this one to go the same way

I noticed it.

I started reporting it.

@MNHQ are very good at 'having a look'. They don't want their site to be a complete shit show.

That's good @JamieLeeCurtains (love your name by the way). I know they have certain 'not in the spirit' guidelines but I suppose it's hard to police every single post and assess whether it's opinion or bullying.

I completely understand the reason why people name change - for privacy.

But the name change function is regularly abused and that's what I'm saying.

On lots of other forums you can't name change and if you have more than one account, that's an offence that'll get you banned.

Therefore you really do have to own what you say and how you say it, or risk people thinking you're an utter bellend, which is much the same in real life.

@WorraLiberty I suppose that explains how people can be nasty and get away with it but it doesn't explain why they feel the need to. Other than as you rightly say, they are bellends.

I think lots of people start to take the piss when they suspect the OP is a troll, because they can't air their suspicions but have given up on taking the thread at face value.

@pepsicola5

It's because it's anonymous and people can't reveal their inner twattiness in real life so they do it on here. Just ignore.

This!

Always the odd nasty comment on threads . Just don't get it ? People obviously find themselves hilariously funny , and are nasty bastards with fuck all else to do except make stupid remarks in people's threads .

I think it's also that some people's deadpan humour doesn't translate well online, especially if they're not the emoji type (emojis tending to undermine the deadpan nature of a comment).

I genuinely think it's reasonable to report a post saying, 'You know what, could you have a look because this just seems unnecessarily unpleasant and 'not in the spirit'. Thanks.'

It's not 'head girl' or 'head prefect' to raise a concern.

MNHQ can put the pieces together if needed.

Has it escaped your notice that we're a race of dickheads, we human beings?

Dogsnet would be much nicer and more enthusiastic. But also, more slobbery.

I think it’s totally reasonable to report posts that are mean to OP. People come here for advice, not to be laughed at. I agree it’s gotten worse this last month, seems like people spoiling for an argument and willing to reframe anything commented or posted such that they can have one. I report it if it’s name calling etc. or chuckle to myself about how sick they must be of being at home if not. I hope things get back to the normal level of harshness as people can go out more!

@DDemelza but what if my dog is a dickhead?

Not that gorgeous hound, @JesusInTheCabbageVan!

You would need to submit at least three, but preferably 200, puppy pics before such a determination could be made.

OP You might consider the possibility that some OPs come on with the intention of causing trouble and old hands might say "ah we have another one of those" and respond accordingly.

Jeebus this, again. If you can't cope with the Internet then go play elsewhere. Women don't owe you kindness.

@HappyMealWithLegs thank you for displaying an example of the sort of thing I'm talking about.

No, nobody 'owes' anyone kindness but I just find it sad that so many people seem to derive enjoyment from being utter arseholes on here. It's depressing.

Occasionally you get the odd OP who does need some tough love but just lately there's been less of that and more pointless and unnecessary cruelty.

AIBU is the most toxic forum I've ever come across, and yet I love it. But I wouldn't say it's been any worse than usual 🤷‍♀️

There has been some threads recently though where the op is clearly unreasonable and yet refuses to see it.

I think it's partly due to name changing. People can say what they want within talk guidelines, without ever really having to 'own it' as they can just slip into another 'nice' name

^^ This.

I think it's time MN changes the namechange capability. I know it's for those who need help and want to be anonymous, but there should be a passworded section or similar for anyone in danger who needs to post anonymously. Or post in the OTBT section which isn't googleable and expires in 30 days I think.

It is unusual to have a forum where you can be namechange continually, sock puppet, be banned and come back under another name etc. It encourages bad behaviour.

Do you honestly think many people would behave the way they do here if it was face to face?
Doubt it.

That's the beauty of the internet, nastiness without any repercussions.

I completely agree with you @PattyCake45. I've been on MN for years, mostly in AIBU so I'm well aware of its tone, but things have definitely changed. I think it began after the referendum. It feels like overnight it became OK to hurl insults at anyone whose view diverged from your own. The coronavirus pandemic has had the same kind of effect. Brexiteers vs Remoaners has become Dementers vs Non-Dementers and the Mask Brigade vs Anti-Maskers etc. Getting into the habit of aligning yourself with one or another 'gang' on threads seems to have made a lot of posters insensitive to other people's feelings. I've literally just come from a thread which descended into "you sound awful" in less than 10 posts. It's horrible. I'm quite close to leaving for good tbh. It's still a good site for getting advice or support with a particular issue or browsing old threads on a particular topic for info, but the day-to-day chitchat has become obnoxious.

OP, totally agree with you.

Mumsnet HQ won't change anything fundamentally about this AIBU board.

Because nastiness drives views, which makes advertisers happy.

And more and more people flock to this board so they can indulge in some bear baiting, finding just-within-the-lines ways to provoke and poke at the OP, seizing on any tiny mispelling or mistake they've made to wind them up instead of discussing the original dilemna.

You'll always have the jolly hocky sticks wannabes as well who think AIBU has to be some kind of "arena of robustness" where the OP has to be prepared to run the gauntlet, and deal with abuse, because "that's just the way AIBU is, it's always been robust".

I agree @PattyCake45. Yesterday I tried to defend a poster who was looking for support with getting a TV out of a guest-room-come- nursery and people lynched her over the size of the tv, why she owned more than one tv, why she owned a tv at all, they decided her priorities were all wrong, that she watched too much tv and that it was weird that she had guests to stay in her house who occasionally watched tv in the guest room.

The dogged determination of some posters to be total cunts was fairly depressing. But it does only reflect on them and their small lives if they get their jollies from being mean to people on the internet.