Are you still no allowing grandparents to hug grandchildren?

[PotatoHead2020]

DH and I are basically rule followers. We’ve followed lockdown guidance to a tee from the start; as things have opened up again we have been happy to go back to using/doing them.

There are no single adults in this scenario so household bubbles don’t apply (we live in Endland): current version of the guidelines allows us to meet with my parents, indoors or outdoors but social distancing must be maintained. Still we aren’t allowing my parents to hug/kiss the children (4 and 7) because that’s the rules. They are refusing to see us if they can’t touch the children - I’ve said that’s fine, if that’s what they want but I just don’t see the rules changing anytime soon!

I guess the question for vote is: AIBU to still not let Grandparents hug/kiss Grandchildren?

YABU - let them hug
YANBU - stick to the guidelines

FWIW I should state that I have no intention of changing me mind, I just want to know what others are doing...

I've wanted to be cautious about my IL as both are in their 80s with health problems. We said we would go and see them on Fathers day and would stay in the garden only to find they had invited loads of people.
They are quite blase about the whole thing saying they have to die of something and if their numbers up theres nothing they can do about it!! Theyve been quite morbid for about 15 years, they bought a really cheap and basic kitchen about 12 years ago despite being able to afford better "because it's only got to last 10 years and it'll see us out" and think twice about buying yearly passes for things in case they die before they make full use of it!

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

YABU - If neither of you is shielding, you are not from BAME background (according to all stats they are more likely to spread it), then I would let them hug their grandkids. Mainly for their mental health’s state.

Sorry? BAME groups are more likely to spread it? Could you point me to evidence of this please?

I think it all depends on personal circumstances and health. My inlaws are in their 50s, not working outside the house, no health conditions. We are also wfh. We have a 20 month old DD in a bubble of 4 in nursery. We dont see many people in general (maybe a few socially distanced walks with other baby people). We let DD hug her grandparents and have done for the past month or so. We try use our common sense ..... also considering I am a teacher who will be teaching 300 kids a week with no PPE or social distancing in 6 weeks time, and that's apparently ok, the idea of a hug being a problem didnt sit with my logic.

YANBU. I'm now seeing my parents as often as I used to before lockdown (every couple of weeks) but we're still arranging it on nice days when we can spend most of the time outside. We're a very huggy family but TBH, I don't miss the hugs that much.

It seems daft of your M&D to refuse to visit simply because they can't hug them! I'd be saying 'that's fine, if you're not that bothered about seeing them...'.

We’re sticking to the guidelines, so no hugging,

Still following the guidelines, all of our family are and yes it's crap but it is what it is - over 40,000 are dead in England alone. We are not special, we are not better qualified to make a risk assessment than those issuing the guidance.

No hugging here either. I will relax this over the summer (both teachers so been at work with lots of people and poor distancing/procedures in one school).

However I will wait a fortnight after my daughter has been to Spain with her dad (if it were up to me, she wouldn’t be going). Grandparents are my main childcare, but are 70+ so trying to make things as safe as possible for them.

I definitely feel we are in a minority sticking to the rules when I talk to my friends.

GP's are being weird with us too. I'm not sure why think witholding their time by refusing to meet at parks is OK. It's very needy,, whiny and putting their wants over the safety of the children. And they wonder why they don't get asked to babysit etc.

I think hat you’re doing is the right way to go about it. My mum keeps complaining that my baby won’t be a baby the next time they’re allowed to hug. We haven’t even done socially distanced catch up as my mum isn’t and hasn’t been following the rules throughout.

We're carrying on as normal within our extended family. We work, we hang out, drink, lounge in the garden, my children sleep at grandparents houses, they are looked after by them (our holiday clubs aren't running, what else am I supposed to do!?).

You do whatever suits you best

No because mine are teens and socialising with friends - they have been social distancing but have also been on buses, in shops etc so more risk.

We’re still sticking to the letter of the guidance - all of us are vulnerable, so it’s not worth taking risks.

I do get cross when people talk about how low the risk is now, and take it as a green light t make their own policies. Yes, it is, but that’s because we have all been social distancing and taking all the other precautions for months. If we all start having close contact again, then the virus will be able to circulate much more readily in the community and infection rates will rise again! We’ve only managed to get the figures to plateau as it is, rather than fall towards zero, so need to be really mindful, especially as things open up again, not to offer greater opportunities for spread.

I think you need to asses the risk at a local level. If you live in one of the high case areas or have had a local lockdown than you need to follow the rules. Ive heard of pockets of the country have had no new cases for 3 weeks, no cases in the local hospital etc, so I do think you could be more relaxed there.

None of us are vulnerable so I've said to my parents and my husband's parents they're welcome to hug and hold the children, but it's at their own risk if they choose to do so

We have allowed one grandparent to hug our babies, but only because I needed the help with newborn twins. The other three have been allowed to visit but not hold/hug and I don’t plan to change this any time soon.

YANBU, grandparents should want much more than to just hug their grandchildren. Communication for the child's benefit, not just their own longing. That suggests it's from a completely selfish point of view, time can still be spent with them otherwise at that age and for them all to understand the boundaries.

I'm trying to work this out for when we stay with my parents next month, it's a big house so we can distance and use a separate bathroom. They also have fairly low levels of hygiene so I'd need to be cleaning (which will be an affront to them but I think I just will anyway). Whether we hug or not I don't know yet.

They are quite blase about the whole thing saying they have to die of something and if their numbers up theres nothing they can do about it!!

This is my mother's attitude too! Really quite upset me when she first came out with that. I don't think it's a view shared by my dad, who's older and I consider to be more vulnerable but still has lots he'd like to do. He'd be okay without hugging, but I'd prefer us not to hug my mum to help protect him.

My 3 year old doesn’t really hug people anyway, but my 1 year old gets picked up and held by grandparents. We minimise the risks in other areas by being sensible so this is one “rule” we are willing to break.

Thanks to everyone commenting/voting. As I said I'm not going to change my mind but I appreciate seeing other people's views anyway. It helps me to feel less irritated with my parents attitude - a bit.

And OP, I don't think yabu, you've got to go with what you're comfortable with.

These smug threads are so tiresome. You arent going to change your mind so why bother posting? It is so you can recieve your medal for 'winning' at lockdown.

My children are at school so not right now - my parents aren’t ‘vulnerable’ as such but I still don’t want to risk giving it to them (using the logic that kids may have no symptoms).

Once they’ve been off school a couple of weeks will prob feel different about it as DH and I both work from home so we’re not really getting close to anyone.

I don’t judge anyone else on what they do.

I have now stopped SD between my daughter and my parents, but it's completely down to personal circumstances and risk, isn't it?

Both my parents had the virus early on (not that that's any guarantee they can't catch it again or pass anything on) but they've both had limited interactions so I'm happy with the level of risk.

There is no right or wrong, you have to do what you feel comfortable with.