To take my kids in a motorhome for day out and overnight

[Smidwifes]

Background: DM bought a motorhome with plans to travel when retirement looms. She's been on a weekend away since lockdown eased. Spent some money getting it up to scratch.

DM asked me if I wanted to take DDs (6 and 2) for a coastal day out, and stay overnight in motorhome, go home next day

DH immediately says no.

He hates my DM. Massive issues with her.

DH spouts a lot of shit to get my back up first and foremost, (i.e. saying he doesn't trust her, she doesn't know what she's doing, "what about the time DD2 fell over in her garden (not her fault btw) but bringing that into the mix, brought up an issue my mum had with her old car... Load did things he's just bitter about), but also comes out with a reasonable aspect that it's probably not safe for car seats in the back (absolutely fair enough) but but the time he has come to this reasonable conclusion, he has already spouted a LOT of shit about my DM beforehand, and we have both got heated.

He says we shouldn't be going in it as she doesn't know what she's doing.

I said could you check the back seats, if it's not suitable absolutely won't be taking the kids for the journey I will follow in the car, but still get the day out /overnight experience.

He then goes in viscious circles:

1. It's not about the journey up there, it's that I don't trust her

• well I'm going to be there so it's irrelevant

1. Well why wasn't any consideration given to me that I was going to come?

• you're welcome to come ("I'm not sleeping in a motorhome") face-palm

1. She doesn't know anything about motorhomes

1. He hates her

I'm just in a massive viscous cycle and the innocent offer of taking the kids on a day out, and actually having their interests at heart, has all been lost in translation

If you want to please DH then give up on it or you could take her motor home and go without her. If you want to please her then go away without him. There appears to be no in between.

Why does your dh hate your mum so much?

Does he have legitimate concerns about the dcs safety with her?

I don't think his concerns are legitimate.... She loves her GDDs and hey love her, I would trust her with them 100©

She is quite an intrusive person I guess and he is an introvert, so it just doesnt mix well

She's bought some questionable gifts in the past that he hasn't approved of (not unsafe, just rather ghastly) and gets his back up....

One particular time he had a go at her for buying it and I went mad at him and made him apologize...since then he is bitter and resentful

He sounds like he’s just being peevish and you’re all going to miss out on something that the kids would love. Would he sulk forever if you just went for one night? Could the kids just go with her?

So who'd actually be going on this trip?

Motorhome seat belts Will either be lap belts or usual 3 point harness. Obviously lap belt not suitable with car seat.
Unless there are genuine safety issues. I would have a serious talk with him about his lack of respect for your mum. You could divorce tomorrow and never have to put up with his shit, your mum always will be your mum.
If I wanted to go, for one night, no safe to issues, I’d go. He sounds oppressive.

Questionable as in “adult themes” or “sexist” or questionable as in he didn’t like them?

Go and have a nice time, I expect he'll still be moaning when you get back but at least you'll have a night away from him and his moans.

Go and leave him behind, tosser.

I know this was back in the 80s when i was a kid but my parents did that with us, a month in a motorhome traveling the uk. I absolutely loved it and still think of it with fondness.
Things have moved on safety wise i know but if its all legal and safe I d go. Your dds will love it.
Your dh is being childish due to his dislike of your dm. She could produce an all inclusive holiday to Disneyland Florida and he d probably nit pick about it.
My dc were in the care of my parents while i worked and had the odd fall or trip. It was nobody s fault, happened at home too because they were kids.
Have a lovely time away without him!

66redballons the two seat belts are usual three point harness.....DH thinks as the seats don't have "sides " like a car back seat would have a door as a side then this isn't safe? But like I said, for him to take a look, if not safe, I will drive behind.... We weren't going far....

But this isn't good enough for him

itisbetter Christ no, just things like massive blow up balloons or giant versions of small things .

She brought a giant gnome from asda once as I mentioned DD1 who was 3 at the time would find it funny.... She turned up with it the following week..... This literally turned into hell

FOURdecades - probably me my two DDs and my DM (5 birth motorhome)
But there is room for him, even though he wasn't directly invited and he wouldn't want to go anyway.... So I'm stuck between a Rock and a hard place ... BECAUSE he is using his non initial invitation against me too

He sounds like hard work. Youd benefit from a break from him i imagine.

Sounds like your dh is just being difficult for the sake of being difficult.

Why should he get to spoil the dds fun just because he doesn't like your dm?

If she'd actually done something dangerous I could understand.

I would go, enjoy yourself with the kids and seriously decide if you Want to stay with him sometimes having honest fun shows how miserable we are. Does he have this attitude to your friends too?

I would go......the kids will have a brilliant adventure.
He could always come up in the car and then go home to sleep (then you can enjoy being with mum and kids).
My partner doesn't enjoy doing the things I know the kids will love-I go regardless, its his loss even if its really hard on my own I refuse to let them miss out.

He's double binding you. It's a form of coercive control. He acts hurt he isn't invited whilst also saying it is unsafe for DC to go. Go and have fun, break the cycle.

It seems that no matter what you do, it's wrong. How very very draining.

FWIW - my Mum purchased a gnome for ds2... he loved it.

I'm really not understanding his logic with the "sides" in the van. Unless of course the van has no sides and is completely open to the elements .... he sound's like a complete twat.

Go for longer-if he’s going to be in a mood about it it’ll give him time to calm down. Say “I need a break & change of scene I’m going” end of. Do you realise that he sounds super controlling?

He doesn't like your mother because she bought a gnome your child liked, wtf!

Jesus is he like this all the time?

@Smidwifes my parents have a motor home and I do understand your dhs concerns about the carseats as I had similar concerns although mine were more around the seat belts. The car door doesn't have anything to do with the safety of a seat or its belt so his argument is floored to start with. The seat belt holds the seat and the child nothing else!

I would tell him to get stuffed permanently, he sounds like a nasty piece of work quite frankly. Why exactly are you with him?

It would be different if you were not going, but what he is really saying is he doesn’t trust you. I couldn’t live with someone who questioned me like this.

I'd be wary of a man who is so controlling over your relationship with your mum.