To take my kids in a motorhome for day out and overnight

[Smidwifes]

Background: DM bought a motorhome with plans to travel when retirement looms. She's been on a weekend away since lockdown eased. Spent some money getting it up to scratch.

DM asked me if I wanted to take DDs (6 and 2) for a coastal day out, and stay overnight in motorhome, go home next day

DH immediately says no.

He hates my DM. Massive issues with her.

DH spouts a lot of shit to get my back up first and foremost, (i.e. saying he doesn't trust her, she doesn't know what she's doing, "what about the time DD2 fell over in her garden (not her fault btw) but bringing that into the mix, brought up an issue my mum had with her old car... Load did things he's just bitter about), but also comes out with a reasonable aspect that it's probably not safe for car seats in the back (absolutely fair enough) but but the time he has come to this reasonable conclusion, he has already spouted a LOT of shit about my DM beforehand, and we have both got heated.

He says we shouldn't be going in it as she doesn't know what she's doing.

I said could you check the back seats, if it's not suitable absolutely won't be taking the kids for the journey I will follow in the car, but still get the day out /overnight experience.

He then goes in viscious circles:

1. It's not about the journey up there, it's that I don't trust her

• well I'm going to be there so it's irrelevant

1. Well why wasn't any consideration given to me that I was going to come?

• you're welcome to come ("I'm not sleeping in a motorhome") face-palm

1. She doesn't know anything about motorhomes

1. He hates her

I'm just in a massive viscous cycle and the innocent offer of taking the kids on a day out, and actually having their interests at heart, has all been lost in translation

Omg. I'm so happy to be divorced. Don't go with your kids. Stay at home and quietly work out how to leave him.

He sounds awful. Why are you discussing this with him as though you're going to come to a compromise? Compromises can only work between reasonable people and he's not one. Just tell him you're going, that he's on fucking thin ice and things will be changing when you get back.

He hates your mum because she bought a toy that your child loved?! What a mean spirited twat.

@Smidwifes

I don't think his concerns are legitimate.... She loves her GDDs and hey love her, I would trust her with them 100©

She is quite an intrusive person I guess and he is an introvert, so it just doesnt mix well

She's bought some questionable gifts in the past that he hasn't approved of (not unsafe, just rather ghastly) and gets his back up....

One particular time he had a go at her for buying it and I went mad at him and made him apologize...since then he is bitter and resentful

Those issues do not sound like reasons to actually hate her. I 'get' that some people are annoying at times but when they are family, surely we just put up with them especially if they are good in other ways. It doesn't sound as though your mum lives near so it's not as if he has to see her all the time.

I think your husband is being unfair and rather childish. As long as the motorhome is safe and made suitable for children, it seems a good idea to go away for a day and night. On the other hand, b&bs are opening up now so you could go anyway without hassle.

However your husband is unfair and should learn to be more tolerant.

Go, your girls with love it, and it will be a lovely break. How about going for a bit longer? I wouldn't be asking for his assent: he is being ridiculous and controlling.

If you haven’t left out key information here, your husband is a miserable dickhead.

This would be a fun experience for a child & He is souring what would be a fun mini break.

Surely his issues with your mother can’t be because she bought an oversize gnome & is loud, while he is quiet? You must have some idea of why he doesn’t like her?

Children fall down, so as an isolated incident I can’t say the grandmother is irresponsible - that could happen to anyone & it sounds like he is using the fact the child fell down once & scraped their knee as a reason to not trust someone, which is ludicrous.

It sounds like there are bigger issues in this relationship. It is good that you don’t feel like you must obey him & that you still intend to take the children on this overnight sleepover.

I was going to suggest that she just drive to your house & they sleep in the van outside yours, which could still be fun.

I would encourage husband to articulate what his problem actually is, so he can feel heard but it sounds like he is grasping at straws.

Your husband sounds like a stroppy wanker, to be honest.
Just ignore him. You don't need to justify it to him if you know that it's safe. He will just make up more reasons for you not to go.

I'll be interested to see what DHs other issue is later if it's not safety in transit.

It's it's about him not "being invited" , I really don't know what to do

He's probably telling you "later" because he hasn't thought of one yet.

Motor home owner here. Depending on the age of the vehicle there may or may not be seatbelts in the back. In older motorhomes it's not a legal requirement. I would also check that they are three point seatbelts as it's common to have one three point belt and another lap belt. Our car seats (booster cushions) didn't fit that well in ours and especially not on the lap belt seat. The cushions underneath used to slide out, taking the seats with them. Quite often the water tank, covered by a wood hatch are under the rear passenger seats and that's what causes the cushion and therefore seats to slide.

Does your mum have the right categories on her licence to drive it? And if so, is she experienced in driving and manoeuvring it? Has she got carbon monoxide alarms etc.

I think your DH is being horrible on all other counts.

Well why wasn’t he invited?

It sounds like you know already he doesn’t like motorhome culture so wouldn’t be into it?

It would have been nice if the invitation was open to him. However as you describe him he sounds miserable, so can see why people would not want him along on their mini break.

Why do you think he wasn’t invited ?

Call his bluff, go without him, have fun.

He just sounds like a massive fun sponge! Is he like this all the time? It must be draining to live with. If the marriage is getting questionable and you’re feeling sad anyway then just go and give yourselves a break from him. He’s already sulking/making you feel bad anyway.