To be utterly exasperated with the ‘but she’s really friendly’ dog owners out there

[Flamingolingo]

You know the kind - the ones who holler after their bounding dog who barks and bows and jumps at you about how friendly they are.

I feel like since lockdown I’ve had multiple altercations with people and their marauding dogs. Especially either while out running or out with my small children who are terrified.

That’s not to say there aren’t loads of really responsible dog owners out there who do try and call their dog back/put it on the lead, but the few who make no attempt other than shout about their friendliness really get my goat. For clarity: we are mostly using city centre green space, that is quite busy, I think in a rural location it’s a little different.

So I guess my Aibu is about my being annoyed at people who assume everyone wants their ‘friendly’ dog to bound into their social space, and who make no attempt to call their dog back unless specifically asked to.

I was out today with my 13 week old 4kg puppy.

I had him on the extender lead playing fetch on an empty part of the field when this woman lets her fully grown golden retriever (30kg) run over. It ran face first into the lead and then proceeded to chase my puppy around distressing him.

Then when it finally went away it ran over to a family with a toddler who were sat eating a picnic. Again the owner made a pathetic attempt to call it away from a distance whilst it ignored her.

I bet her dog does things like this every time she walks it but it's obviously OK to her because he's 'friendly'.

Those owners here who own dogs who have stolen picnic food, (odds are at least some of you must be here because the list of people it's happening to seems to be endless), what do you do more than the basic apology? Replace the food? Offer a cash alternative?

Those who have had food snatched, have any of you had your stolen or ruined picnics replaced by the irresponsible dogs owners?

It ran face first into the lead and then proceeded to chase my puppy around distressing him

Teaching your puppy to interact with other dogs is an essential part of their socialisation process. Ours ended up with a wolfhound’s paw in the middle of her back at that age, she weighed less than 2kg at the time. She got up and went back for more because we didn’t make a fuss about it. You’re doing him no favours by protecting him from other dogs.

Absolute agree with most comments, and yes, some dogs must seem as big as horses to toddlers or small children, potentially very frightening. Some thoughtless dog owners need to think very carefully about the Dangerous Dogs Act and potential action from it if their dogs are deemed to be out of control.

Plus I’m afraid that there seems to be a certain percentage in every group of park, beach or countryside users who act in a very entitled way: runners and joggers who push you out the way, sweat coming off them; dog owners whose dogs are most definitely NOT under control; parents or family members who have children who do whatever they want in the park including hitting other children or dogs; mummies with pushchairs who batter your ankles; cyclists who ride people down; people who drop or throw away bagged dog, baby or (worst) adult poo, pizza boxes, beer or wine bottles or worse; party goers in the park who leave empty ampoules of who knows what on the grass. The list could go on.

All the aforementioned need to be more careful and much more thoughtful. And I’m speaking as a dog owning, cycling, jogging step-mum and granny of young children! 🌺

@JammyGem

I'm pretty wary of dogs and hate when owners let them jump up without trying to control them. I've been bitten twice but two different dogs, both times I was stood frozen in fear as they ran up with their owners saying "don't worry, he's friendly, he's just saying hello." Admittedly I don't know much about dogs, but I'm fairly certain a dog who bites hard enough to draw blood is not just saying hello...

This is exactly what happened to me on Friday. Bitten, broken skin, and it was completely unprovoked.

@JammyGem

I'm pretty wary of dogs and hate when owners let them jump up without trying to control them. I've been bitten twice but two different dogs, both times I was stood frozen in fear as they ran up with their owners saying "don't worry, he's friendly, he's just saying hello." Admittedly I don't know much about dogs, but I'm fairly certain a dog who bites hard enough to draw blood is not just saying hello...

This is exactly what happened to me on Friday. Bitten, broken skin, and it was completely unprovoked.

@Alsohuman Where did I say that I was protecting my puppy? The golden retriever was chasing my puppy around to the point where my puppy was running and growling at him. I hadn't intervened or tried to pick him up. We have made sure that he has met lots of dogs so far.

I’m a dog owner and he’s always on lead. I don’t want to be jumped on by someone else’s dog either

Those owners here who own dogs who have stolen picnic food, (odds are at least some of you must be here because the list of people it's happening to seems to be endless), what do you do more than the basic apology? Replace the food? Offer a cash alternative?
It's highly unlikely that irresponsible dog owners will be on a thread defending their dog's behaviour.

Meanwhile, there are many responsible dog owner who get irritated as and frustrated at the argument that goes 'yeah so you have said that dogs should not be off lead if they aren't well trained, and yes you have said that dogs should not approach people, but I'm going to ignore that and instead say but this other dog did... But this dog did... But this dog did... So dogs should not be off lead and because I don't like any off lead dogs you should all accept you have dangerous pets and should exercise them according to my preference to never have to see an off lead dog' (places fingers in ears and continue to argue that any dog just IS violent because they just are and if you don't agree with me then you clearly think children shouldn't be safe).

My DC is absolutely terrified of strangers dogs since one fuckwit let her two enormous mutts bound up to him when he was about 3. He's 11 now and still afraid. People that can't keep their mutts under control are fucking selfish.

I'm actually very impressed with how many dogs seem very well behaved and biddable off the lead over here, they seem relatively well trained and socialised.

But I do see how many are not, as well, and how irritating they are to other dog owners, not just the not so doggy people. People do seem to overestimate just how tolerant other people (and their animals) will be, or should be expected to be, towards their beloved companion.

But I do see how many are not, as well, and how irritating they are to other dog owners, not just the not so doggy people. People do seem to overestimate just how tolerant other people (and their animals) will be, or should be expected to be, towards their beloved companion.

Yes, I agree with that completely. Same way some parents assume everyone thinks their little darling is adorable and of course nobody could be anything but enchanted by them.

But I do see how many are not, as well, and how irritating they are to other dog owners

They are indeed. Some dogs are an absolute pain and perhaps that’s why those of us who are responsible dog owners get so defensive on these threads, because they give us all a bad name.

Same way some parents assume everyone thinks their little darling is adorable and of course nobody could be anything but enchanted by them.

Absolutely! I have enough trouble not breaking out in hives with my offspring half the time, let alone other peoples. . .

To be fair though, they haven't bitten anyone ever, other than their mother. But you can't tell just from looking, hey?

"@dontdisturbmenow Yes because a small toddler has the same power as a fully grown dog.The toddler was just an accident.whereas letting dogs run and trample on people is not."

So if a toddler gets away from their parent and manages to knock someone over in such a way that they break their leg it's an accident, but if a dog gets away from their owner and knocks someone over it's deliberate...?

I'm not a dog owner. I like dogs but have never wanted the responsibility of owning a dog (I have 3 cats, which is less of a tie). My DH is allergic to dogs anyway.

My DDs (now 11 and 8) used to be afraid of dogs. But a close friend has a very big, daft Labrador Retriever and now my DSis has a young golden Labrador. So they did need to learn to cope with dogs. My friend used to carefully shut her dog away from my DDs, but it was when she stopped doing that that they learned not to be afraid. I made a point of making a fuss of the dog, which helped them to respond positively to him. The same thing happened with my DSis's young dog when my DSis and her family brought him with them for a family holiday.

No one has to like dogs. But life is much easier if you don't get into a state every time you see a dog off the lead.

Big dogs make me very nervous. Last week, a giant specimen, no lead, came up to my picnic and started licking my hat. The owners was miles away and could never control it in any emergency. I am sick of such dog owners and the way they think it’s all harmless.

Just returned from a dog walk. Huge (huge!) empty field, reactive Ddog playing happily off lead with her toy as no other dogs around. All of a sudden a dog appears from literally nowhere, flies towards her. DH puts Ddog on lead. I manage to pick up dog (luckily it was small), locate the owner who was several hundred feet away. Take dog back to him - he immediately lets it go again and it runs immediately back to DH and Ddog, and starts bothering Ddog.

Owner says:

I'm not putting her on a lead I just don't want to, she likes to run around

I can't help it if she runs over she just likes other dogs, I can't stop her

She never comes back when I call her, of course not she's female haha

You'd better get out of my way and go the other other way because this is the way we go and my dog is just going to want to play with yours (pointed out that was exactly what we were trying to do, and if he would just put his dog on a lead for 2 minutes we would be gone)

When I asked him to go over and get his dog away from mine, he refused and said 'you've got a better chance than me of catching her love, go get her yourself, I'm not putting her on a lead if you bring her back though'

So basically he told me he had absolutely no control over his dog, didn't care, didn't think it was a problem, and he wasn't going to do anything about it. I explained repeatedly that Ddog is not friendly and doesn't want to play, he just kept agreeing with me and laughing.

Luckily DH managed to distract Ddog and get her back to the car, all fine, she was pretty calm bless her. But only because pest dog had then focused on an on lead dog belonging to an elderly chap who we see every morning, and never takes it off lead, and a similar scenario was happening there, which took the heat off us to get out of there. Again, owner was miles from pest dog, making no effort to call her back at all.

Some people just shouldn't have dogs. I've had arguments in this sort of situation before, but there was absolutely no point this time - the bloke was so stupid he seemed genuinely confused that I expected him to have some sort of control over his dog, or just to put it on a lead for a few minutes. Sadly one day I suspect his dog will suffer for his stupidity - it was a tiny little thing, and a big dog could have done it some serious damage very quickly.

No one has to like dogs. But life is much easier if you don't get into a state every time you see a dog off the lead
That's how I feel.

I used to be really scared of dogs and would freeze on the spot if I saw them. It took a good few years being friends with now DH to get used to his dog. I'm now a happy dog owner.

Once I'd got used to dogs, I realised that part of the issue was that I'd never had a negative experience with a dog, but as a child a few family members were very much in the hysterical 'any dog is a vicious killing machine' line of thought, so we were always yanked out the way if a dog approached, told to mind the scary dog (even if they weren't near us), they'd talk about dogs being out of control when on reflection it was really just running in a field minding its own business etc.

I'm convinced they passed their hangups onto me and my siblings and that made us scared and/or wary of dogs. Plus, because they'd not shown us how to read dogs, because according to them every dog is terrifying and about to attack, we viewed even friendly dog behaviour as a threat.

Interestingly as adults, I've got dogs and my siblings want to get one once their housing/lifestyle allows for it. Any extended family members who want to project their issues onto DC will be told to shut the hell up. I'm not having DC be as scared as I was because some adults can't rationally appraise situations.

@Ohffs66, why don’t you just let your dog play with other dogs? Ours has a whole range of canine friends she meets and plays with on walks. They have a whale of a time and it’s good for them.

Visiting someone else's home (pre-Covd) - 'Jusr stand still and don't look at him. He'll get bored with jumping up eventually.'
'Don't hold the sandwich out of his reach - it will just make him jump up more. He usually only licks them. I don't think he'll snatch it'
Grrr.

agree, @Ohffs66,
let the dogs sort it out!

@Scarby9

Visiting someone else's home (pre-Covd) - 'Jusr stand still and don't look at him. He'll get bored with jumping up eventually.' 'Don't hold the sandwich out of his reach - it will just make him jump up more. He usually only licks them. I don't think he'll snatch it' Grrr.

Haha this reminds me of my ex's mother.

Some dog owners LOVE to tell others what to do, in a painstaking, painful "but it's obvious" kind of tone

alsohuman do you have any idea at all what a reactive dog is???!! Or about dog behaviour and body language?? Or are you deliberately being obtuse and goady?

It's not a case of 'letting her play' AT ALL, christ I wish it was, my life would be so much easier. Mine is a rescue with unknown history, she is very badly socialised, we have done lots of work with behaviourists and classes and positive reinforcement, but she still finds strange dogs a threat, regardless of their size, and will snap and lunge at them (never bitten but I am not willing to take the chance!). She can have dog friends, but it has to be done slowly, and with monitored introductions / interactions. Not some random twat's dog making a beeline for her from miles away then jumping all over her, who would no doubt make a massive fuss if my dog snapped at his or nipped it, especially as mine is a big lump and his was tiny. Christ on a bike.

There will be lots and lots of dogs who are not friendly and don't want to play, either permanently or temporarily due to illness etc, and whilst I know full well it's my problem not the general public's, I do my best to keep her to quiet areas and make sure she is under control if there are other dogs around. ALL dogs should be under control if they are not on the lead, don't get me wrong I know the odd incident happens, but having a dog that you know is completely uncontrollable, and just allowing it to do whatever it wants, like this bloke, is a recipe for disaster.

Ohffs66 can I ask why you take your reactive dog to a huge field, where there are obviously going to be off lead dogs having a run around?

I have often wondered why people do this because most dog owners take their friendly dogs to open areas so they can run off lead. My two meet up with their friends for a good run around together every morning. There is always one person who comes along with a lunging, snarling dog on lead who demands everyone puts their dogs on lead so she can pass. There are lots of places nearby where dogs must be kept on lead so why do they choose an area where they know dogs will be off lead? I’m just asking because it doesn’t make sense to me. Have you ever allowed your dog to check out another dog? If so what happened? Educate me please.