Nicknames... particularly ethnic names

[buildingbridge]

Hello,

This is a problem that I've encountered time and time again but did not want to come across as "stuck up" or you know "she's one of THOSE".

I have an ethnic name, and people always shorten it!!! I just hate it. I'm sure this is the same for all names that may be a bit long or much difficult to pronounce . But, I started some training for my new job and this new colleague, who has just met me, begins to call me a shorter version of my name. I laughed and said "Ha Ha, I prefer (my full name)".
He took a double take and since then, is acting frosty towards me .

I just don't understand. I was not rude, I made it into a joke. I just don't want people to sue a shorten version of my name. None of my friends do this as they know I don't like it. Am I being a bit "stuck up"? How can I approach this in a nice way.

@Bobbiepin You're completely right, my apologies. Most of the African students I teach are Yoruba, almost all are West African. A generalisation where there shouldn't have been.

Many also have "Western" names which I will use but their names are so beautiful I far prefer then. I'll take Olayemi over Stephen any day!

Not a problem at all :) Don't mind correcting and "educating" others, who may otherwise not have known, in the process.

Yes, most do have English names as either first or second names. It's not uncommon to go by English/Non-African names. It's their name too (and some do prefer those, which is fine as well) but I get what you mean.

@Bobbiepin
Do you ask the students first?

I've had some people tell me that they can't pronounce my name, so they would rather shorten it as it's easier. Ffs! that's rude and lazy of them.
For teachers at the start of term it would acceptable to go through the register and ask pupils how they prefer to be addressed.
I have a Scottish name which people often try to shorten. I always correct.

@LonginesPrime

Raining, that's awful.

We used to have a Korean nanny with an all-American sounding name.

She explained that it wasn't her real name but that when she first learned English in Korea, the teacher made them all pick new names to use in English-speaking countries otherwise they wouldn't fit in.

I remember thinking what an awful message English-speaking countries must be sending out to the rest of the world for our intolerance to be part of the curriculum in other countries.

I was told by people I know and have worked with from China, Korea and even Poland that it is because their languages have sounds English speakers can't easily make so we often mangle their names.

I was told by people I know and have worked with from China, Korea and even Poland that it is because their languages have sounds English speakers can't easily make so we often mangle their names.

To be fair, it cuts both ways. And even in Europe, with English having a few more letters than some languages (Italian has no "J", "K", "Q", "X" or "Y" for example) it can be a little bit of an effort for some people to get it spot on. And that's before we move into the looking glass of Celtic and Gaelic ...

(Two names I only recently learned from Welsh are "Eleri" mentioned upthread and "Esyllt", which is apparently "Isolde" from the Arthurian legends in Welsh).

Like some posters here, I love new and different names ... and the wonderful poetic imagination of some African countries adds a sparkle of joy to a dull world ... "Goodluck Jonathon".

A friend of DFs wife had a very difficult pregnancy (in the late 60s) and her husband was convinced she and their son only survived because of the attending doctors actions. He was "Dr. Jolly", so they named their son "Jolly" ...

[quote Temp123999]**@Bobbiepin
Do you ask the students first?[/quote]
Mostly yes. I'll go through a register before I meet a new class with a colleague to avoid mispronoinciations as best I can, mostly other colleagues will tell me what kids go by. Otherwise I'll call out "Charles - do you prefer Charlie?"

I don't make a thing out of it, and most kids have preferred names on the register. Takes them a while to pronounce and spell my name correctly too.

My mum’s full name is Jennifer. Heaven help anyone who calls her Jen, or Jenny!

@buildingbridge you were not unreasonable in the slightest - your colleague is acting like a sulky brat.

Pressed post too soon.

Despite being so firm about her own name, my mum refuses to call me by my chosen name, because I prefer the shortened version of my name.

Bottom line - if someone introduces themselves to me using their full name, that’s what I will use. If I forget or use the shortened version by mistake, and they remind me, I’ll apologise, and try to remember in the future. It is rude to get pissy when someone wants to choose what they want to be called.

I've seen females tell other females they can't pronounce their actual name so will just call them something else.

I ask for help. Own up that I don't know how to pronounce the name, ask for help with it then try my damnedest to get it right and then continue to get it right. Never had anyone be anything but patient, I assume because I was obviously making a genuine effort.

Always make an effort to spell names correctly as well.

I think you are unreasonable to say this is because you have an ethnic name. It happens to all people with names that can be shortened

When I get a new class of pupils I always say to let me know if they would prefer a shortened version of their name and to correct me if I pronounce their name wrong. I would never shorten a name without permission. I always worry I will get a name wrong as with some names they can be pronounced in different ways. Last year there were 3 girls in my class with the same name in spelling but all 3 pronounced it differently!

My name isn’t ethnic but I still dislike it being shortened.

When I’m reading the register for the first time with a class, I always say ‘if I get your name wrong, or you prefer a nickname please correct me as I go along’

@whereorwhere

I think you are unreasonable to say this is because you have an ethnic name. It happens to all people with names that can be shortened

It happens more to people with ethnic names, and for different reasons.

OP, YANBU to ask to be called by your actual name! I think you handled it really well and if he's been frosty towards you now, it's because he's an arse.

My dad isn't English. He doesn't like his full name so has always used a shortened version. A few times when I've been at social occasions with him I've noticed the odd person asking what his full name is and then making a point of using it. I have no idea what that's about? Maybe they think he felt forced to shorten his name and are trying to be nice?

"Always find it really weird that people can’t “learn” to say someone’s name. No one would struggle to say “medicine” or “obstetrician” after a few true so why does anyone find it so hard to pronounce a name"

I think it's unfair to criticise people for not being able to always get a pronunciation right. My dad has lived in this country for most of his adult life and still can't make a "th" sound, despite spending decades trying. So he would call someone 'Jonatan' instead of 'Jonathan'. I hope people don't think badly of him for it .

I read somewhere once that the " th " sound in Emglish is not that common in other languages.

I had a colleague called Deborah that just completely ignored anyone calling her Debbie, Deb or Debs. When people got huffy with her she had perfected "Oh you mean me? Sorry my name is DEBORAH!" (icy stare).
It was amazing how automatically people seemed to shorten her name, it happened ALL the time and she hated it.

@myfloorneedssweeping

I read somewhere once that the " th " sound in Emglish is not that common in other languages.

Nope. And it's bloody annoying!😂 Teacher "The. You put your tongue like this and make this noise. The. Us "T" Teacher "no. The. Ttthhhe" Us "ts" "The" "Tsz" And so on😂

I think every language has sound foreign people can't really pronounce easily.

People constantly try and shorten my name, and I can't stand it.

If they've emailed me it annoys me more, as my name forms part of my email address!

If they shorten on email, I will usually end my email with "By the way, I am always Stephanie, not Steph :-)", and people mostly come back and apologise, then carry on correctly.

School days were a nightmare; growing up in the eighties, a lot of teachers just called me what they wanted. I used to get huge anxiety waiting for the register to be called, and still do now if I'm waiting for a stranger to call out my name, even though I'm in my 40's!

I always correct people with a smile, unless they are doing it intentionally to be offensive, then I will respond to passive aggressive with the same.

*i have a non English name which is nothing remotely like Stephanie.

It's not necessarily because you have an ethnic name. I have always been called by my full name to the extent that I don't answer to it if it's shortened.

I’ve never understood this-it’s really over familiar and has happened to me. Pretend I’m called Caroline and someone just decides they’re gonna call me Caz. It’s quite cringe and worse if it’s a foreign name where laziness comes in.
It’s not just Brits tho-we holiday in Spain, they couldn’t say my DD’s name so she is now known as Carlota😂😂. My name got Spanish-ed too and they call Prince William Guillermo, Prince Charles Carlos etc quite funny

People keep changing one letter in my name all the time. I have no idea why. It is foreign, but it's not that out there, the combination of letters is normal even for English language. But still it gets changed.

noone has the right to shorten someone's name if they don't suggest it themselves whether it is hard to pronounce or not. If it is hard to pronounce then practise! sorry, that bugs me. I always try really hard to get people's names right both saying them and spelling them as they are such a huge part of who a person is. It is rude and disrespectful not to.

squashed spring - I think it is normally obvious if someone is trying and it comes down to accent or even a speech problem, if someone has a lisp for example they can't help it but you can tell if they are making an effort. I wouldn't think badly of him at all.

I hear you all! My name isn't ethnic in the slightest, but I have a) my second name rather than first being my given name b) my second name has one familiar version and another more familiar version used by closer friends and family and c) that first familiar version has multiple spelling possibilities.

I use my full second name on business cards but always introduce myself as second name first familiar version/sign emails with that. Think Deborah then Debbie/Debby/Debi. Debs would be family version.

Big plus is it's easy to spot cold callers saying "is that firstname?" as if not bank or NHS they've bought it from somewhere. I do always appreciate "can I call you firstname?" when I have the opportunity to say "sure, but I'm actually called abbreviatedsecondname".