Smacking - was it ok in the 90s?

[treebird3]

Inspired by the other smacking thread.

My father smacked me a lot in the 90s - on the hand, thighs, bum (sometimes bare).

I've always thought this was normal for the time but I was speaking to a colleague the same age who said she was never smacked.

Gosh, I am surprised actually. I was born in ‘83, I was never smacked. My father was smacked when he was a kid (he grew up overseas), my mother born in the 50s in England was never smacked either.

I grew up where smacking was common in schools and getting things thrown at you by teachers. I can't say I'm particularly traumatised by it. One of those where you didn't tell your parents they'd done it in case you got it again.

It's different times now.

I think once or twice but apparently my sister had a look that made my mum feel so guilty she stopped. I can’t remember being smacked but must have been a thing for them to have stopped doing it.

But in general I don’t remember it being controversial at all

My parents smacked me and my siblings. I have no recollection of it because they set the expectations early and we knew how to behave by the age I can recall my childhood 🤷‍♀️ it hasn't done any damage to me personally

DM used to smack us of we were being really difficult, although I can only remember one time clearly.
It was used more as a threat, especially by DF. If we were playing up in any way, he used to tell DM to "whack her one", but never actually laid a hand on us himself, and him saying that usually made us behave so DM didn't have to follow through.

The smacking itself didn't affect me, but the 'threat' of DF did, and I've spent a lot of my life seeking his approval while also being scared of him and his temper. I vowed when we had DD that I'd never hit her or use violence as a threat. There are far better ways to discipline a child.

I was a 90s kid and I would say most kids I know got a smack once or twice so it must have been relatively common. I would never do the same, but I don't feel traumatised by it.

Was born in 1992 and was never smacked.

Amazing how many people can't make a link between all the cancel culture shit going on atm propagated by 20-something's and a generation who grew up with little to no discipline
So you think that smacking is the only way to discipline a child and not using smacking equals "little to no discipline" I feel sorry for any kids you might have if that's the only way you know how to discipline them.

Was a 1982 baby, was often smacked, I could be naughty, but I tried so hard not to be because I feared my parents. I have a feeling that none of my friends from school were smacked.

It was still seen as "acceptable" in the 1990s, although the tide was turning. Tony Blair admitted to smacking his own children: Boris probably would not get away with saying the same thing. I remember articles about parents desperate not to lose the right to give their children a "loving" smack, when outlawing smacking was debated. There was a daytime TV chat show in the mid 90s called "Do you want a smack?", discussing family arguments. It would not have a title like that now.

A cheerful throwaway line in a school play in the 90's was "or my backside will have seen better days"; that would be censored now, unless perhaps it was a period play. (I remember face slaps often taking place in school plays in the 90s; sometimes mimed, sometimes actually done; with the actors' consent, of course. I find it hard to imagine that happening now.) So even if not all children experienced it, it was very much accepted culture.

Recently, I saw a young boy escape his mum's clutches and run towards a road: said child was promptly scooped up, and his mum explained carefully why he shouldn't have done it. But if it had been the 90s or earlier, that boy would almost certainly have been smacked there and then.

French films (even those made and set in the 90s) would frequently show children having their faces slapped (un gifle).

I was hit a lot as a child, in anger (my mum) or as a way of maintaining a "You must respect me" position (my dad). I have never hit mine and have managed to bring up two pretty well behaved young adults, though they have had their moments over the years.

It makes me really sad to see things on this thread like "I was an awful toddler" or "I deserved it". I felt for a long time that I must have been an awful child, but looking back, my infractions were so small and just normal behaviour for a child. Why is it acceptable to use violence when kids do something you don't like, rather than finding a better, more humane way of teaching them? It seems to me that some people think it's OK because adults are stronger and so can command respect that way. I know my Dad only stopped hitting me when I was big enough to threaten to hit him back. I have little respect for him, even now.

The trouble with stronger people being allowed to hit weaker people to keep them in line is that then it's ok for men to hit women or younger people to hit older, frailer people. Civilisation is about not settling arguments through violence. If nothing else it is so fucking lazy.

No, no it wasn’t ok and still isn’t. I was smacked as a child and I was traumatised. I’m sure people will call me a snowflake for that but I don’t care, it made me fearful of my df and constantly on edge in my one hen. Having my own children now and seeing how differently I do things, and how I couldn’t imagine ever hurting them, made me realised that I still resent my df for it. It being socially acceptable back then is no excuse and it demonstrates a complete lack of control and were my dad is concerned, intelligence, tolerance and understanding.

It makes me really sad to see things on this thread like "I was an awful toddler" or "I deserved it".

^This. You can't be an 'awful toddler'. All toddlers are challenging but they don't do things deliberately to upset their parents. I remember that my parents had this attitude. My DSis was spoken of as a 'liar' when she could only have been 2 or 3.

I was made to feel that I was 'crying for nothing' when I cried after being smacked.

In my own home that meant to say.

Yes i was smacked quite alot in the 90s

My parents have even said dc would have been smacked on more than one occassion when they have been playing up...or being a normal child!!! And they say they cant believe how patient I am with dc...meaning again they would have smacked

I dont homd grudges about the smacked bum or keg but im still fuming about my dad slapping my fa mve TWICE once aged 12 and once aged maybe 14 I think thats unforgiving and I certainly didnt deserve it

I'm a 90s kid and I was never smacked.

It was normal for me and everyone I knew when younger (born mid 90's)

Oh I forgot to add. My df actually washed my mouth out with soap once. He really did think at the time he could break me but he never did and he hates that. He did start to mellow as I got older and we get ok (ish) now but he realised how wrong he is and just expected me to let it go. I have in a way as he’s a good grandparent to my own kids and is overly soft with them which surprised me, but I’ll never completely forgive him for the way he was towards me. I have anxiety now as adult. I’ve have had CBT and the therapist has said that I have unresolved childhood trauma which has manifested as anxiety as I got older.

Actually, my DM now agrees that smacking wasn't a good parenting strategy and she regrets it now. She does rewrite history somewhat, though, as she says she always thought my F smacked us too hard and that she stopped him from doing it. Maybe she did eventually, but she let it go on for a very long time.

In her defence, I've now seen that she was a victim of coercive control and emotional abuse.

I'm 31 with three younger siblings so we all grew up in the 90's. We were never hit and to my knowledge none of our friends were smacked either.

My brother and I (born in 1994 and 1990 respectively) were both smacked. I don't think it was absolutely normal but certainly not unusual.

My daughter was born in the very late 90s and absolutely not smacked, but then neither was I.

Not a normal thing in my house/family.

Yes, smacking was common, socially accepted and advised to all parents. My grandma did smack us, but very rarelly, and I have no ill feelings towards her, she did have a lot ok her plate.

Teachers to to hit us with hands and sometimes sticks, and parents didn't bat an eyelid. Luckily that is unacceptable now (I hope).
I grew up in the 90s in southern europe.

My DCs were born in the 80 and they were never hit.

However, one of my DDs was at a friend's house when the friend's mother punished her child by putting mustard round her mouth, can't remember why, which is irrelevant anyway, because that sort of treatment is never justified, but I do remember my DD's horror at her friend's treatment by her mother. Somehow, imagine that mother probably hit her child.

I was born towards the end 1948 and I was never hit either.

I think it's a barbaric way to behave towards anyone let alone your own child.