Smacking - was it ok in the 90s?

[treebird3]

Inspired by the other smacking thread.

My father smacked me a lot in the 90s - on the hand, thighs, bum (sometimes bare).

I've always thought this was normal for the time but I was speaking to a colleague the same age who said she was never smacked.

I was born in the 70s and never smacked. I remember a girl at school got smacked once by her mum and we were all shocked so it can't be that it was normal and OK back then

I remember being threatened with a smacked bum if I was naughty, I only remember it happening once when I was probably about 5/6 and after he did I turned around and said I didn’t care because it didn’t hurt anyway 🙈

I think by the 90s it was considered less acceptable. I was born in the mid 80s and was never smacked, a lot of my friends weren't either. I do remember seeing parents do it in public, like if a child was misbehaving in a shop, and feeling so sad for the child.

I was also born in the 1960s. My dad smacked me once, and I was completely shocked! I’d just karate-chopped my big brother in the throat, (semi-accidentally, as in I meant to hit him but not in the throat!) and it was well deserved. My mum had smacked us a bit as younger children, but pretty lightly, would have been in the 1960s. I can’t remember a particular incident.

By the late 1990s when I had my children it really wasn’t acceptable within my circle of friends.

I’m missing a chunk in between, but corporal punishment in schools was a thing. My brother got the cane in primary school, so late 1960s and when I was in secondary school in the 1970s kids got the cane as a formal punishment, and cuffed about the head or a board rubber thrown at you as an informal punishment. Im not sure when it was abolished, maybe the 1980s?

I recieved about 5 smacks over the course of my childhood in the 90's and early 2000's between the ages of around 3-10 years old. One blow to the back of my head that sent me flying because I was showing off in public, and my mum lost her temper with me on a few occasions (I was a difficult child admittedly) and would repeatedly smack me in a fit of rage. Neither of those examples were ever 'ok' but I was smacked less than some of my peers were so was considered 'lucky' to have such 'laid back' parents. I don't think smacking is ever ok, if a child is old enough to understand reasoning then you talk to them/give consequences that don't include physical violence and if they are not old enough to understand reasoning then they arent old enough to understand why your hitting them.

I was brought up in the 70s and 80s. My siblings and I were smacked a lot. There were changes during that period, though. When I was in primary school, teachers smacked children regularly. There was still the cane, but only the headteacher was allowed to use it. I don't recall anyone actually being caned, though.

It was during the early 80s that corporal punishment in schools was banned so not all that long ago really.

I didn't have DC during the 1990s but there was a change in attitude towards parents smacking children, and it was criminalised one some countries. I moved in church circles, where smacking is still practised and indeed advocated as a form of discipline. It's not meant to be practised in a retaliatory way by parents but as a calm form of discipline. And my BIL and SIL used to do it that way.

But it's not how it was when I was growing up. My parents definitely did it in anger.

Yes, born late 70's. We were smacked and belted. my grandma was brought up in an abusive home so it was learnt behaviour and how children should be treated.
I am against smacking as I don't want my kids to feel as I did. Once or twice they've had a tap but never a beating as I used to get.

No, it wasn't ok then and it isn't ok now.

I have DC of my own and can't fathom why, when they've behaved badly, using violence against them would make them do anything except behave even worse next time. My parents didn't smack me, neither of them ever needed to.

The problem with smacking, I think from my own experience, is that your children will obey you, but out of fear. It also meant that we didn't feel able to tell my DM what else was happening. She constantly asks why we didn't tell her, and I haven't had the heart to tell her the real reason. We had no reason to think she would take our part against my F, as he was the 'head of the house'.

It's entirely messed up parenting.

Well I was beaten in the 90s and no other adults gave a shit despite it being glaringly obvious so I assume smacking would have been normal around then too yes

I was never hit but the culture in my family has been anti smacking since the 1920s (a certain patriarch in the family was badly beaten as a child and outright banned the snacking of children in his sight/house so subsequent generations looked down on it).

I knew other children who were badly beaten with belts and spoons etc well into the early thousands. Muslim community though so perhaps more prone to brutality (wives were also subjected to violence occasionally). To me it seemed perfectly normal although I looked down on it but in hindsight I can see that it was very abusive.

Smacked everywhere on my bum, legs, round the head and face. My brother was hit and ended up bleeding from the head and still has a scar. I still sometimes cower when someone innocently raises their arm near me

It was still common and most people saw it as acceptable (just), more so in the early 90s, to the point it appeared in cartoons, children's books, etc. By the end of the 90s/early 2000s it was definitely frowned upon, supernanny was on TV so naughty chair/step/Spot etc had grown in awareness and become more popular. But I definitely remember kids being threatened with a smack during my early childhood and all the adults seeming fine with it. I didn't get the sense that a single smack on the bum/leg would be a matter of child protection. If you were being hit with objects or left bruised etc then it would have been. I think it was the decade that attitudes changed though. And certainly there were individual parents who didn't believe in it. Often the mums whereas the dads would still smack.

Naughty children being dragged by the ear used to be a shorthand used in comics etc - Noel's house party? That would be seen as horribly abusive now!

I don't think it was common but I do think it was more acceptable than today. Anecdotally, I was an 80s/90s kid and I wasn't smacked and don't know anyone who was smacked.

Yes it was common. I was smacked as were all my friends but one, she had a very lovely and very happy single mum and we were all amazed that she wasn't and even a bit confused about how she'd turned out so well behaved anyway

Never smacked my own kids, and never would - but it also doesn't upset me that my parents did, as it was a different time. They'd never smack my kids now. Same way that they had to laugh along with racist jokes from 'friends' (we are not white) that nowadays both they and I would call people out on and cut ties for. Times and norms change and I think improve.

I was smacked only if I'd been really naughty. And I do t doubt that it was fully deserved.

70s kid here and I was only ever smacked once. I had friends with kids in the 90s and I thought it was quite frowned upon.

90s kid. I was smacked a couple of times - not sure I even remember it tbh (one time I only know about cause my dad told me and I definitely remember being threatened with it).

Did me absolutely no harm and I too can't get worked up about it. It definitely wasn't "child abuse". There's a complete difference between actual child abuse and a short smack on the hand when a child is being really naughty.

Amazing how many people can't make a link between all the cancel culture shit going on atm propagated by 20-something's and a generation who grew up with little to no discipline.

Much preferred being smacked to my mum’s ‘silent treatment’, which felt like torture.

Neither of those things is ok.

Amazing how many people can't make a link between all the cancel culture shit going on atm propagated by 20-something's and a generation who grew up with little to no discipline.

Amazing how many people think no smacking = little to no discipline.

I had my hand tapped once in my entire childhood and it was such an event that I was honestly completely .

DH was smacked on the hand fairly regularly. It's weird, as MIL does not seem the angry, or violent type.

I know a woman who is quite hippy and lovely, vegan etc, but she once told me she smacked her toddler's bottom. This was a couple of years ago, not the 90s. I also saw a perfectly normal looking mum struggling with her young child misbehaving a bit in the supermarket. She said, "if you don't stop that, I will smack your bottom in front of all of these people", really loudly, in the same tone I would use to say "mini prigs, if you do not stop that we will have to go straight home", or "you will lose tv time" or whatever. It was bizarre, as if she thought we'd all really approve . That was last year.

I think it's more common than MN MN would have you believe.

I don't agree with it and have never smacked and will never smack my dcs. And that includes the classic 'nearly got hit by a car' scenario. I know, as it has happened and it was my fault for taking my eyes off dc. I didn't at all feel inclined to smack dc on that occasion though I did tell dc "no, we NEVER do that", very firmly and used baby reins on busy roads after that.

Amazing how many people can't make a link between all the cancel culture shit going on atm propagated by 20-something's and a generation who grew up with little to no discipline.

If you think Cancel Culture is solely being pushed by 20-somethings you need to do some further research. The biggest advocates I've seen for this have been older generations who feel their right to be outraged and offended overrides everyone else.

Absolutely bonkers to imply that smacking isn't just understandable, but actually essential if you don't want your child to grow up a cancel culture 'snowflake' .

I grew up in the 80s. My parents didn't hit me but this was very unusual at the time. Hitting was seen as part of parenting - a form of discipline. Even naughty kids got the cane at my high school. This was very rare and I think it only happened twice the whole time I was there but everyone knew it was an option. Smacking children is still very normal in many countries. In southern Europe where my in laws live everyone gives the children a slap if they're playing up. In Asia where I have other in laws it's common too. I'm not condoning it all. I have never smacked my children and disagree with it. However it is seen as normal in many places today.

I think it was still fairly common (I'm 32), neither DH and I are English though. DH got smacked fairly often, I got smacked a handful of times (that I remember, it was always for doing something dangerous).

My English friends mostly remember being smacked either once or a handful of times.

DM is a bit embarrassed now I think even though most parents she knows did it back then.