Aibu to want a holiday without mil?

[Sunnyrainshowers]

My mil is a nice woman, and we get on well. Pre corona, we would visit every 3 weeks or so. She lives an hour away.

Since my eldest, who is 10, was born, she has come with us on our holiday every year. She loves this, my kids love having her, my husband enjoys treating her
Nice as she is, I long for a holiday without her. There are trivial things she does which irritate me, and she's a bit awkward when it comes to meals as she has allergies.
She's in her 80s, although very healthy. Every year I think I shouldn't stop her coming, in case it's her last chance, but I think she could easily live for another ten years or more, and I'll never get a holiday without her while the kids are young.
I feel like a nasty selfish person for thinking like this and holding so much resentment.
What would you do?

Should add that the allergies comment didnt bother me as I have a DS with allergies and I have to be very vigilant when cooking for him or when we go out. Being abroad adds complexities to the issue. However I am used to it, it is however very stressful for anyone else doing it....

Regarding the allergies comment, the OP was just trying to give a full picture of how they need to cater for her MIL in a particular way and how this adds complexity to the trip. I found it perfectly understandable in the original post and don't think she needed to be jumped upon. No, her phrasing wasn't perfect, but who is?

Oh hell no. No way would I want to spend even one holiday with my MIL. She's seen to that. It's bad enough she has visited twice for weeks on end. When she does I work extra hours to avoid her. Each trip has left my DH and I on the brink of divorce. You say your MIL is nice, OP. Lucky you. But that doesn't mean you're obliged to share your holidays with her.

No siblings take ours away. My mam likes her own way. Its our only break in the year. I find people want different things when away. I never got into it!!

From a practical point of view I would try the one with one without. Try making the first one something you know she can't do or won't like, for example say the kids really want to go camping/hiking, or if you can afford it something like Florida and the theme parks

Cheap holiday with MIL in the uk, then main holiday abroad or wherever you choose?

Someone who has food allergies is not awkward

Yes we are. We might not be at fault for it but we can be very bloody awkward!
DS has CMPA so I’ve been off dairy since shortly after his birth, it’s very limiting.
Everywhere should cater for every allergy but they don’t as it’s not practical. Most places will have one or two allergy safe options but if (like me) you don’t like every type of food it’s really hard.

I don’t like spice or shellfish...for a family meal last week two restaurants were suggested ‘they have dairy free’ well one had a curry and the other had a sea food risotto. When it comes to allergies it’s not just about whether a place can cater, it’s about whether ‘can cater’ actually means ‘there will be one suitable option for you’ I mean who can honestly say they’d bother going out to eat if instead of a menu the waiter presented one item you could have?

OP is not wrong for wanting to be able to just pick any place to eat without crazy pre planning or stress, I’m only glad mine won’t last forever. Those with long term allergies have my sympathies.

Good point about letting her know well in advance about plans for next year, so that she has time to plan, or be included in, something else.

I've been in a similar position. It was very difficult to make the change but I'm still glad of did it. People had a lot to say about it but didn't step up themselves. Also I was always the host and never the guest and that imbalance just wasn't fair.

Maybe it is only one or two weeks a year, it's also your only holiday. I assume your DH is an only child and there is no-one else your MIL could go away with, even for a weekend.

Have not read the whole thread. If someone hasn't already pointed out you are lucky to have a MIL to annoy you, they will be along.

It doesn’t sound as if MIL doesn’t have any other relatives so maybe someone else could step up and have a weekend break with her.

I would like to think if I get to that age that I would understand that my DC would not always want me tagging along on their family holiday, especially if it is their only holiday of the year. Because I know that I would hate having my MIL or DM coming every year on our annual holiday. They have come on holiday with us, separately, but not every year and it does change the dynamic.

Just wanted to add a different perspective. I remember holidaying in the UK with my parents, sister and nan every year. I remember these holidays and am so glad I have these lovely memories now that my Nan isn’t with us anymore. I would suggest holiday together but ask if she would look after the kids one night so that you and your husband can have a relaxing meal at a restaurant of your choice. Or as you say, maybe have a cheap weekend away just with your husband and kids. My favourite holidays as a kid were caravan holidays on a UK beach, the arcades, entertainment, chips on the beach etc made the holidays. We didn’t need expensive foreign holidays. Also we have allergies in the family and sometimes it takes a little planning but it would be upsetting for them if they were left out due to something completely out of their control plus most restaurants are brilliant at adapting meals on the menu to suit

You’re fine to go away without her and hopefully she will understand. She’s had many years of family holidays, I’m sure. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to want your own

If they easy its fine) it does set a pattern though. Its my husband only rest in the year. She did turn on me years ago I said did she bring her mam places!!