To pick the cat over DH in bed

[CatLuverr]

DH slept on the sofa last night because the cat jumped up on me in bed & I refused to push her out.

Layers to this one. Layer 1 - Am I unreasonable in the abstract for digging in that I like my pet around at night?

For avoidance of drip feed - Layer 2 - he’s not just upset about the cat. I’ve been off at him for a few weeks now because he didn’t step up to support me when one of our kids had a MH crisis. We’ve talked about it - but the bottom line is that the cat was there for me to reassure me at scary times that DH wasn’t - and I think that’s how it would be if a similar situation recurred.

The cat thing is a running difference - I like her, he doesn’t. But the issue has got a sharp passive aggressive extra energy in the context & I think he’s proper upset with me this morning.

He should have supported you over the MH crisis but punishing him like this is n’t the answer.

I’m not punishing with the cat as a thing.

I just genuinely like the cat - and she jumped up for a cuddle.

And he’s pissed and frustrated that I’m still pissed (but not pissed with the cat)

I think there are two separate issues. I love my dogs and want them on the bed, my partner does not. I respect his feelings as it is his home and he pays the bills too.

I’d happily offer to sleep with the cat in the spare room - but thinks that rather escalates the underlying tension!

I think it's grim having an animal in the bed. The mh issue is a separate issue entirely.

I'm struggling to know what to say. You sound like a petulant child. Absurd.
Yes YABU

Do you want to stay with your partner? This is not the way to go about resolving bigger issues. And no, a cat is a cat, and you are not married to it. If my partner did that to me I wouldn't head for the spare bedroom but another house altogether, possibly permanently.

You let your husband sleep on the sofa so a cat could sleep in the bed?

Irrespective of any other arguments that may be happening surely nobody can think that’s ok?

@CatLuverr

I’m not punishing with the cat as a thing.

I just genuinely like the cat - and she jumped up for a cuddle.

And he’s pissed and frustrated that I’m still pissed (but not pissed with the cat)

Okay, but it's not just your bed. Grossly disrespectful.

You need to respect your husband more than the cat.

I'm a cat person too and my cat helped me massively through various times. She was my best friend and i much preferred her company to most people's. Cuddling my cat was something we both loved, especially dropping off to sleep together.

The main issue isn't your cat, it's your unsupportive husband. Has he been a dick before? Sounds like you can't rely on him but you can rely on the cat, I'm not surprised you prefer her!

Sounds like there's a lot wrong here. I love having my cat in bed, she's such a comfort favourite family member. But my other half doesn't, it makes him uncomfortable. We compromise, I have a cuddle with cat in bed when he's not there but she goes when he gets into our bed.

Do you want the relationship to continue? Because it sounds like you don’t and are giving him that message pretty clearly.

YABU Animals in bed is rank. You can’t let a human sleep on the sofa so you can sleep with an animal 🤢🤢

But you do need to discuss the mental health crisis and see if it’s something you can move on from.

I agree with a pp your pets isn't really the problem, but the fact you still feel resentful of your dh's lack of support? The fact you prefer your cat to him, says it all?

My cat and dog sleep in with me every night, I prefer them to most humans. They're both far better company than my twat ex ever was, and are as good for my mental health as he was bad. He pestered me to get rid of both at various times, but in hindsight he just hated me to be happy, (he's a miserable git and was jealous of anything that brought me comfort, as nothing ever seemed to actually make him happy).

Your *pet

The problem isn't the cat (and I knew that was the case even before I read about your MH problems). I hope you're better now.

Deal with the cause, not the symptom. I think a man who wanted to go to bed would have moved the cat.

Not my MH problems.

MH problems of our eldest child.

@PinkDaffodil2 - right now I hope no one puts me on the spot with that question.

Your husband sound like a sullen teenager.
i've always had my cats on my bed, they bring down my blood pressure and make me feel happy, my husbands have had to lump it.
My cats were there before them.
It sounds like your husband is incredibly unsupportive generally and a bit of a waste of space.
Your cat will always be there for you and will always love you.
I know which one I would choose.

You need to respect your husband more than the cat.

Yes if the husband is worthy of respect, this one isn't by the sounds of it. Respect has to be earned.

Two different issues. DH should take an interest in and support your DD. But I'd bee pissed off greatly if I were made to sleep on the sofa because the cat had to sleep in my bed. Fuck that.

Maybe it's really time to reconsider your marriage.

And yet when husbands sulk and keep bad feeling going on and on instead of addressing issues they get accused of being abusive.. classic MN.

Being “off” with someone isn’t going to solve anything. Did you both want the cat? This reads like a weird power play. How would you like not being welcome in your marital bed?

If you’ve got issues between you then be an adult and talk about them properly. Stropping helps no one.

Of course your husband should have been there to support you through your crisis, but you do understand that your cat was only there by your side because it's your pet and had no choice right? There is NO comparison. Also I'm wondering if your DH got a say in whether to have a cat or not? Either way letting it into your bed is minging and I don't blame him for disliking it if you allow it without his agreement

And the other key, more important part, is did he support your Daughter? At the moment it all seems to be about you and your sulking.