To pick the cat over DH in bed

[CatLuverr]

DH slept on the sofa last night because the cat jumped up on me in bed & I refused to push her out.

Layers to this one. Layer 1 - Am I unreasonable in the abstract for digging in that I like my pet around at night?

For avoidance of drip feed - Layer 2 - he’s not just upset about the cat. I’ve been off at him for a few weeks now because he didn’t step up to support me when one of our kids had a MH crisis. We’ve talked about it - but the bottom line is that the cat was there for me to reassure me at scary times that DH wasn’t - and I think that’s how it would be if a similar situation recurred.

The cat thing is a running difference - I like her, he doesn’t. But the issue has got a sharp passive aggressive extra energy in the context & I think he’s proper upset with me this morning.

YABU - it's his bed too and not fair to expect him to sleep with a cat he doesn't want to, you're making him feel uncomfortable in his own home. My friend told me years ago her DH liked sleeping naked but she thought it was unhygienic so he wore boxers, I think that's fair and respectful of the other person you're sharing a bed with

@CatLuverr

Normally - like a pp - the cat lies on me when I’m on my own - but tends to be moved on when DH is around by tacit agreement. (In fact - normally she sleeps night with DD - but she does visit others).

Can we recap why his comfort preferring a cat free bed unilaterally trumps my comfort wanting to settle myself down with the cat after a period of heavy and unsupported emotional labour?

Surely the answer is obvious?

It's a shared marital bed. If he doesn't want the cat on the bed, the cat shouldn't be on the bed. Would you like being forced to share a bed with an animal you didn't particularly like?

If you want to sleep with the cat, why don't you go and sleep elsewhere and let your DH keep his bed?!

dhs preference trump's yours because its a bed for you and him, not you, him and the cat, and he doesn't lile the cat being in bed.
you dont sound like you like your dh much, maybe you should have a think about where you go from here.
There are things that you and dh need to discuss, like how unsupported you felt during dcs mental health crisis, could it have been because he was worried/upset/didn't know what to do to help, so became a bit useless or did he not care?
my experiences with cats are that they are selfish, and their affection is purely on their terms

@Chickychoccyegg

dhs preference trump's yours because its a bed for you and him, not you, him and the cat, and he doesn't lile the cat being in bed. you dont sound like you like your dh much, maybe you should have a think about where you go from here. There are things that you and dh need to discuss, like how unsupported you felt during dcs mental health crisis, could it have been because he was worried/upset/didn't know what to do to help, so became a bit useless or did he not care? my experiences with cats are that they are selfish, and their affection is purely on their terms

Yeah, my ex felt threatened by an animal getting a moment's affection from me as well. He wanted me all to himself.

I decided that, on top of everything else, a human being jealous of an animal because it meant I thought about something other than his needs really wasn't attractive.

DP and I have an agreement. Cats come in and if they decide to be dicks, they leave again, as he gently picks them up and puts them out & closes the door. If they stay put, they get to stay.

DTwatCats now hit the deck and don't move for hours on end. And DP always checks his side of the bed before getting into bed after me, as the odds are that there's a smug looking furry git stretched out on his side - they are generally slid down the end or rolled with the help of the quilt into the middle. Bigger beds are good for that.