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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re child maintance?

89 replies

Jadetreesbringluck · 17/07/2020 19:01

STBXH earns around 1300 per week. He works away mon-fri so has to pay for accommodation and now will have to rent someplace nearby ( hopefully soon I'm going mad) . He will have the children 2 weekends a month.

I want 300 a week. Im not working at the minute (covid) am part time self employed but now looking for a full time position so i can save for a mortgage.

2 kids. 1 with possible Adhd (currently being assessed) who is a lovely but hard work!

He wants to see a breakdown of costs to jusitfy the amount. I feel I dont want to do that. 300 is 20% of his wage.

Id take 250 plus half of all expences like xmas back to school clubs ect... but im not telling him that yet.

He has often been out of work alot over the 12 yrs we were together so im fully expecting in the not so distant future that he wilk be unemployed and Il probably get 7 quid or something.

I want to save some of this money while he has it so im not left struggling.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Charleyhorses · 17/07/2020 19:05

Will that include mortgage?

84claire84 · 17/07/2020 19:06

Here is a calculator from the Child Maintainence Website. He doesn't have to pay you any more than this amount

AIBU re child maintance?
Choice4567 · 17/07/2020 19:07

Have you used the maintenance calculator; is that roughly in line with what you’ve asked for?

Original poster
Jadetreesbringluck · 17/07/2020 19:07

We rent at the minute. 700pm. Il be paying that

OP posts:
ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 17/07/2020 19:12

The CMS calculator result for that salary is £188 a week. Or £814.04 a month. And that’s based on him never having the children overnight. It may be less than that depending on what contact arrangements you make.

I would imagine he’s unlikely to offer more than the basic CMS rate.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 17/07/2020 19:14

You might need to look into any benefits you’re entitled to as a top up to your own income. That may include some help with childcare costs.

GarlicMonkey · 17/07/2020 19:16

Mine's assessed to pay £320 a week but moans over giving me £115 for 3 kids. He's currently giving me 0 as he says he's not working (not sure if I believe him). I'm telling you this because my oprions were 1. accept the £115 via direct pay or 2. get nothing but a mounting arrears statement from the CMS. Negotiate carefully because they really have got us over a barrel due to how useless the CMS are.

DivGirl · 17/07/2020 19:19

You aren't necessarily being unreasonable asking, but he may well refuse and go with the CMS amount - which he is entitled to do. And I'd advise you to prepare for that being the eventual conclusion to this.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 17/07/2020 19:23

If you aren’t currently working, you can claim UC as a single parent household, including the housing component. You can do it even if he hasn’t moved out yet (so long as you can show that you’re living entirely separately within the house and have no shared finances).

That might help you to feel better about whatever level of maintenance you are able to agree, as you’ll have some income of your own to cover things.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 17/07/2020 19:24

The whole system is a fucking travesty.

Yanbu to ask, he is, unfortunately, entitled to pay absolutely nothing but the minimum, which will be reduced if he moves in with a woman with kids, among other things.

It's a fucking joke.

Good luck op Flowers

Babyroobs · 17/07/2020 19:28

How do 2 kids cost £300 a week ?That's more than some people's total wage for a month.

Original poster
Jadetreesbringluck · 17/07/2020 19:29

It is a fucking joke!!! I worked out that i will have the children around 680 hrs a month and him...72

OP posts:
angieloumc · 17/07/2020 19:31

Maybe it is but regardless, if he can afford it (which it appears he can) he should want to support his children.

angieloumc · 17/07/2020 19:32

Sorry that reply was to Babyroobs.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/07/2020 19:32

Would you get spousal maintenance too though?
We've just been through mediation for our divorce and I'm getting one third of his net income.

Babyroobs · 17/07/2020 19:33

@angieloumc

Maybe it is but regardless, if he can afford it (which it appears he can) he should want to support his children.
Yes I guess if it goes through Cms it will be less though.
AliceinBunnyland · 17/07/2020 19:34

I think you need to use the CMS calculator

I'm not sure it's his responsibility to supplement your income (beyond providing for the children) because you are not working

Could you cut your expenses or get a smaller house?

angieloumc · 17/07/2020 19:34

I expect so, though men who pay the CMS minimum make my blood boil.

Babyroobs · 17/07/2020 19:36

@AliceinBunnyland

I think you need to use the CMS calculator

I'm not sure it's his responsibility to supplement your income (beyond providing for the children) because you are not working

Could you cut your expenses or get a smaller house?

Yes he's not obliged to help op save for a mortgage. If claiming Uc that will be difficult anyway as any savings over 6k will reduce the amount of Uc she gets and above 16k will stop altogether . It's a vicious circle really.
Joebloggsss · 17/07/2020 19:40

His salary is good enough to be able to afford £300 a week it is a lot of money still. So you’ll have to come up with a finicial plan... or tread carefully like another poster said.

Babyroobs · 17/07/2020 19:44

Sorry just realised op doesn't want ex's money to save for a mortgage, although I guess it all goes in the same pot.

Frankiemintz · 17/07/2020 19:47

@arethereanyleftatall how long will you be getting that spousal maintenance for? Interested as going through this too.

Bbang · 17/07/2020 19:48

Tread carefully here and be prepared to accept a lot less than that, if he works for himself he can do what my ex does and pay himself peanuts but pays for everything in his flash lifestyle through the business.

Your ex could very well do the same.

You may have to accept less than you want and negotiate something around the minimum CMS payment per week in order to avoid the possibility of getting nothing.

The CMS are utter shit and they won’t help you worth a damn so be clever and pragmatic about this.

MorganKitten · 17/07/2020 19:51

He has a right to ask for a breakdown of why you need £300, why would you need £150 per child a week... and he can use the calculator which will be much less.
I assume that wage is before tax?

mrsm43s · 17/07/2020 19:55

Does his half of supporting the children cost £300 per week? Children have two parents and both should support them financially.

Realistically what is reasonable will depend very much on the length of the marriage and the division of other assets. It's reasonable to expect him to supplement your lifestyle until you get back on your feet if you gave up a high paying job to bring up your joint children for the last 10 + years, but a high earning ex partner shouldn't be seen as a meal ticket to allow you to live a lifestyle long term that you'd never otherwise have been able to obtain. He's responsible (jointly with you) to pay for the children, but ultimately you are responsible for supporting yourself.

Whatever you push for, I think that ultimately the CMS amount is the most you are likely to get, and seems a pretty reasonable amount to me, bearing in mind the additional costs he has re working away.

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