AIBU re child maintance?

[Jadetreesbringluck]

STBXH earns around 1300 per week. He works away mon-fri so has to pay for accommodation and now will have to rent someplace nearby ( hopefully soon I'm going mad) . He will have the children 2 weekends a month.

I want 300 a week. Im not working at the minute (covid) am part time self employed but now looking for a full time position so i can save for a mortgage.

2 kids. 1 with possible Adhd (currently being assessed) who is a lovely but hard work!

He wants to see a breakdown of costs to jusitfy the amount. I feel I dont want to do that. 300 is 20% of his wage.

Id take 250 plus half of all expences like xmas back to school clubs ect... but im not telling him that yet.

He has often been out of work alot over the 12 yrs we were together so im fully expecting in the not so distant future that he wilk be unemployed and Il probably get 7 quid or something.

I want to save some of this money while he has it so im not left struggling.

What do you think?

my son has possible ADHD which is nor a disability as far as I'm aware?

I don't know how it works in Ireland but it would be classed as a disability in England under certain circumstances (depends on whether you're talking about disability benefits, disability discrimination, child maintenance, etc as to what the criteria would be, for example how it affects DS in certain circumstances, extra care he needs, etc).

His take home is 1300 just to clarify

Why did you not tell us you were in Ireland before, I wouldn't have bothered pissing about with the U.K. child maintenance calculator! The laws are different there and I don't know how divorce, financial settlement, child maintenance and benefits work in Ireland.

What you want and what you are entitled too are very different. I want my sons dad to support him more, I also wish he would send him a card or present but he hasn't bothered in years. Either you justify to him why you think it should be that amount or you go through cms and accept the amount they offer. Bare in mind you can still claim help as maintenance as I recall does not affect benefits.

YABU and are ridiculous about £300pw it's for what the kids need not to fund a lavish lifestyle for you.

He should pay half of the kids costs so you think it costs £600 a week for your kids not including anything for you as obviously you should support yourself? Gold digger.com

£300 a week is rather greedy

Says who? We know nothing of the family’s lifestyle, accommodation costs, activities the children do and the childcare that will be required whilst the OP works. At one point I had childcare costs in excess of £1k a month (and my ex has never paid a penny of that).

Or how about a father who earns weekly what a lot of people earn monthly just pays a decent amount toward his own kids? Oh don't be silly. The almighty penis owners can't possibly be weighed down by supporting their own children! Perish the thought! However those who own vaginas must spend so much more than 20% of their income on their child otherwise they are neglectful.

We do know about the families lifestyle OP said her rents like 700pcm that's really low so expenses for a home that size can't be much.

£300 a week is rather greedy

You are joking? Nursery fees for a month are £1000 for one child, let alone two!
The fact that he's a high earner means his children should get some benefit from that, rather than the race to the bottom some people here think is acceptable...

OP did say she will save some of the money as there’s a possibility of the ex having no job.

It's interesting on mn that with regard to financial situations different from your own, that empathy only has to work in one direction.
If anyone 'rich' poses a problem, they are inundated with negative 'you live in a bubble' and 'some people live on a quarter of that' type responses.
I think the 'you live in a bubble' is completely the other way round. Rich people are very much aware that there are others less well off than themselves; they are reminded of it daily, constantly. But less financially well off people seem completely oblivious that people exist who can and do spend far more on their kids than them.
Mn has mums from all walks of life. There will be those on here who have £20 a week to feed and clothe their kids, and others who would spend £1000. And everything in between.

So, once again, the amount payable is relative to the nrps income. And only theirs. Not yours. Of bloody course a man taking home £1300 a week shouldn't be only paying £100 for his children.

Go through the CMS. If you don't and if it at some stage breaks down, they will count it as a new application. If you deal with them, they will work out what he should pay and send out a schedule. You can then agree to go direct pay. They only use the collect system if he stops paying. It isn't a hostile move.

FWIW My gs's dad earns £1000 per week self employed but with one employer only ie a disguised worker. He says he is on benefits and now only pays £7 per week. He has been back working since April in the construction industry. No way will CMS believe me so I am stuck with this ridiculous amount. They are being particular awful at the moment and there is a notice on the site portal which I found upsetting. Alongside the usual do not abuse staff notice, there is a request not to send inappropriate pictures of children nor offensive photos. What on earth is going on?

The abuse notice is a two way street. Some of the staff are cold and bullying and seem to take pleasure from your distress. Not all, there are the good ones who care but they generally leave the Service.

@wineandtirimisu what has nursery fees got to do with anything? The OP doesn't work, so none of the CMS (or at least the vast majority) will not be for nursery.