To ask how much of your income you spend on school fees? And pls tell me its worth it...

[Claliscool]

Not rich by any means.
Decided to send both children to independent school in September due to all sorts of covid and other reasons. The fees are about one third of our household income. Just bricking it slightly.

@Evelefteden

No. A preparatory school ( private) prepares for a selective Grammar school ( state). The two schools are not affiliated, the same or connected. However 65% of the pupils leaving our prep school go in to the school next door ( the grammar school) so it’s classed as a feeder school.

We’re basically trying to avoid secondary fees.

So taking away places from kids educated at state primaries?

Pretty scummy behaviour.

@Harryfrog12

Interested to know. All the people stretching themselves to the limit. Did you do state or private. You must have decent jobs to afford it in the first place so is this from a private or state education

I got kicked out of school at 15 for being pregnant. Exdh came out of the local comp with Cs.

We’re not stretched to limit but it impacts the type of destinations we can travel to for holidays/car I buy/bigger house I’d like

We spend around a third too. Definitely worth it.

I don't recognise all the comments about being excluded if you're poorer than others. I'm sure some have found that, but it just hasn't been my experience. DC's have been there for 5 years now, and their friend's families range from similar to us to absolutely minted. Neither have reported any snobby behaviour directed at them, and DH and I get invited out by other parents. If people judge my clothes/car/accent, that's on them. I really don't care, and I am raising my kids to think the same. This is a well known school, where boarding fees for seniors are £30K+.

OTOH, I did encounter some very snobbish behaviour at DC's state primary, and apparently it's not unknown in the local secondary. A very dear friend struggles to get her son to go to parents evening/events, as he hasn't got the "right" branded clothes. So I just think you get arseholes everywhere, regardless of income

Plumbby - did you visit schools with extensive bursary and scholarship programmes?

So taking away places from kids educated at state primaries?

Pretty scummy behaviour

Why? grammar entrance is based on 11+ results. If you reach the required score you get in regardless of your financial situation. It’s shocking that people don’t understand this tbh .. This thread is full of people saying ‘if your child’s bright they will do well anywhere’ - so what’s the problem?

@Harryfrog12
I went to a pretty awful state comp and failed nearly all my O levels (what GCSEs were called then). Dh went to an all boys state school in South Africa, but it was a very good school.
It’s the size of the state schools around us that made us choose private for ds. The comps in particular are just huge.
Money is a bit tight but that’s the sacrifice we’ve chosen to make.

@SuitedandBooted

We spend around a third too. Definitely worth it.

I don't recognise all the comments about being excluded if you're poorer than others. I'm sure some have found that, but it just hasn't been my experience. DC's have been there for 5 years now, and their friend's families range from similar to us to absolutely minted. Neither have reported any snobby behaviour directed at them, and DH and I get invited out by other parents. If people judge my clothes/car/accent, that's on them. I really don't care, and I am raising my kids to think the same. This is a well known school, where boarding fees for seniors are £30K+.

OTOH, I did encounter some very snobbish behaviour at DC's state primary, and apparently it's not unknown in the local secondary. A very dear friend struggles to get her son to go to parents evening/events, as he hasn't got the "right" branded clothes. So I just think you get arseholes everywhere, regardless of income

Plumbby - did you visit schools with extensive bursary and scholarship programmes?

I could have written your post. The first thing I noted at my first indi was that banded clothes/bags were not every where. There is such a mix of families I find it really refreshing tbh.

Sorry I know this is 8 pages long so it might get missed OP. I went to both a private school and then a public school (um..,state school?).

Having experienced both I will not hestitate to send my children to private school no matter the cost.

@HarrietM87 I asked for your direct experience of private schools Vs state schools and you have none.
I called your post disgusting and irrelevant, which it is. I did not call you personally anything at all.
Your way with twisting and generalising, then backpedalling - gas lighting? - is clear and unattractive.

@HarrietM87

There’s bullying and drugs in private schools too. Children aren’t nicer or kinder because their parents have more money sadly. And in fact having more money usually means more access to harder drugs.

It’s also not “higher expectations” and “better discipline” that leads to less disruptive behaviour in independent schools, it’s having fewer students, all of whom come from nice middle class homes.

Whether you make the choice for the social “connections” or to socially segregate your children from a more diverse group is exactly the same thing.

It’s fine to choose a private school for your children, but important to face up to the reasons why you’re doing it.

Vitriolic, I'd say

@DoubleTweenQueen what do you mean I don’t have any experience of private vs state? I’ve set out that I have loads?! My own child is only 2 so doesn’t go to either but that doesn’t mean I don’t know anything 🤷🏼‍♀️. Funnily enough, aside from my professional experience, I and everyone I know went to schools, both my parents in law are teachers in the state sector, my sister in law teaches in a private school...like what more do you want.

Also please tell me what about my post was disgusting and hateful. I’d love to be enlightened.

Bullying and drugs in all types of schools - true.
Discipline in private schools made easier by intake characteristics - true
Private schools filter out children whose parents can pay - true

We looked into it for our DTs. We could afford fees during primary but would feel extremely uncomfortable forking out fees from Year 9 onwards (over £6k per term per child). Fees jump up massively from year 9 onwards...

@HarrietM87 You have your own opinion. Perhaps a dated overview of outcomes and your own indirect anecdotes and prejudices. That's it.

There IS bullying in private schools. Absolutely. Of course it is done away from the teachers so it is very hard to prove. I personally know of a teenage girl who had to be taken out of her (private, very expensive) school because she was becoming depressed by the bullying she was subjected to. Now she is home schooled.

we personally spend about 10% of salary but my parents help heavily with the rest of the fees. I’ve been incredibly impressed with what my girls have received educationally over lockdown and in general they get so many little extra opportunities that I don’t see in the local primaries.

I wouldn’t send them to an ultra expensive “posh” private school where they might feel out of place but a lot of independents, like ours, have a complete mix of people - and a lot have help from grandparents.

My dd knows we’re not as rich as some but definitely doesn’t feel any different to the majority.

About 25% for DD and it is 100% worth it the gap between her and her primary friends even by Christmas in terms of learning, attitude, positivity astounded me. I would spend every last penny on it even before Covid! We aren’t rich and have made sacrifices to pay for it but it is worth every penny.

Thanks @DoubleTweenQueen but it hasn’t really cleared anything up for me...which part of anything specific that I’ve said do you disagree with? You haven’t said anything about your own insights or where they’re from but I’d be interested to know why you think your views are so much more valid than mine.

My cousin went to a posh private school in Oxford she has not worked for years and relys on benefits. God knows what happened but you can tell my uncles bloody gutted.

Just calculated and we spend around a quarter of our take home on Fees. I honestly don’t know if it’s worth it tbh

@RedtreesRedtrees

“ I find it grating when private school parents say they “prioritise education” like the rest of us don’t give a stuff 🙄”

Plenty of people look at their household budget and realise that if they make sacrifices elsewhere then they can stretch to private school. That is prioritising education over other things.

'Plenty of people'?? I don't know a single one of my friends who could make 'sacrifices' and find £12k a year fees (cost of nearest local primary independent school). Unless I were to sacrifice my mortgage payments we couldn't afford it and for us having a roof over our heads seems like quite a key priority...

@Evelefteden

Why? grin grammar entrance is based on 11+ results. If you reach the required score you get in regardless of your financial situation. It’s shocking that people don’t understand this tbh .. This thread is full of people saying ‘if your child’s bright they will do well anywhere’ - so what’s the problem?

Because the opportunity for grammar school entry are imbalanced and you are contributing to it. Only 3% of pupils in grammar schools are eligible for free school meals.

You are part of the problem.

It depends on the school, your children and just how much ‘sacrifice’ is involved in paying school fees.

Most children will do well in a decent state school if they have supportive parents. Personally, I don’t think it’s worth sending privately unless you are wealthy enough not to worry about school fees.

Good luck with your children’s new school!

SIL went to private school, similarly to you she wasn't from a rich background and their parents had to scrimp here and there for the money. She got bullied a lot for being from a poor background, was excluded from events and had no friends at all. She now says she wishes she didn't go and that she was motivated enough to get a good grade herself without the better education. Possibly an anomaly but something to be aware of.

We plan on having a second income for school fees that, once children have finished education, will go on to be our retirement income. So currently 0% of our current income.

(We will only be doing it from secondary age)

Because the opportunity for grammar school entry are imbalanced and you are contributing to it. Only 3% of pupils in grammar schools are eligible for free school meals

You are part of the problem

Why am I part of the problem?What does school meals have to do with me? You get in to Grammar if you reach the standard which is set out to everyone . There is no balance. Every single child state and private sit the 11+ Every single child has an opportunity to be able to go to Grammar. I can not control if only 3% of children attending need FSM