To be pissed off he won't stop touching stuff when I am trying to cook?!

[VelveteenBunni]

DP is really trying my patience. I'll be cooking something and leave it to simmer or whatever, and DP will come along and turn it all the way down!

It winds me up a bit because it's usually potatoes which means when I come back after 15 mins and should normally find basically cooked potatoes, I'm finding raw ones bumping around in tepid water (my hobs go LOW)

I bloody snapped at him today. I don't understand why he keeps doing it when I've asked him not to?!

He's officially a spoony fucker.

I’ve heard of Spoony Fuckers but it would appear that you’ve discovered a Turny Fucker.

Spooky fucker is the official term no matter how he fucks around with it!

I’ve heard of Spoony Fuckers but it would appear that you’ve discovered a Turny Fucker.

Spoony not autocorrect spooky!
Also there is nothing I be done apart from tell the fucker to cook their own food iirc!

Haha I had no idea spoony fucker was a thing but my DH is one, it is so annoying! And yes to turning everything down to the low setting

Yup. My DH is a spooky fucker. Or he was until I whacked him with the spoony

Ah! My DP is a spoony fucker too! I see it as an extension of a back seat driver. So annoying! Get off my cooking!

JFC, as if there is a term for it!

The joke of it is he can't even sodding well cook, unless he wants to exist on eggs!

I'm not specifically cooking for him but family meals of course.

Drives me utterly batshit

I found that a wooden spoon worked really well in these circumstances, if I saw a hand creep towards a saucepan or the the dial, it sometimes came down with great force as I screamed, "Don't." Bit like Pavlov, it soon stops.

And he always says something like "ooh I just didn't want it to burn!"

Neither do I that's why I left it on an appropriate temperature to cook rather than bloody burn! I've been cooking for nearly 15 years now, I do have an inkling of what I am doing!

Serve up the uncooked, tepid potatoes saying he seems to prefer them that way?

All wide eyed and innocently of course........

Christ this would really annoy me.

Next time serve him an undercooked meal (with the exception of the meat obvs) and if he complains tell him that’s what he’ll get whenever he touches your cooking

There’s an easy way to deal with this. Don’t ever leave the room before he does. Don’t allow him back in til it’s done.

I have a poury fucker here. In the morning i like my tea from a pot. I like it to sit a while and acquire colour and flavour.
DH cannot help himself. The minute he sees the pot he pours. This wasn't a problem until lockdown as he was usually out of the house before i made my tea but now he's working from home it's a different story.
As soon as he hears the kettle he's out waiting to pour. I have to watch him like a bloody hawk.

Please serve him the practically raw potatoes and have something else for yourself!

Mine does something similar, he’s always rearranging the fridge & freezer contents for no bloody reason. At this point he’s probably doing it to annoy me as there’s no logic to it!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1615049-Sigh-I-have-to-stick-a-wooden-spoon-up-dhs-arse-dont-I

VelveteenBunni - you reminded me of a thread I loved from 2012.
You may have found your people. Hope you enjoy it too.

Oh God. I’m a spoony fucker
In my defence DH tries to boil potatoes without the lid on. It drives me mad because everything is cooked and ready, but his potatoes are like rocks, because the water has taken forever to get to boiling without the lid on.

Dear lord I actually felt rage reading this. I’m not even exaggerating

This drives me fucking insane. I haven’t just wandered off from the kitchen and forgotten that I’m cooking the dinner. Leave it the fuck alone.

If he interferes he can take over and finish the meal, that’ll soon stop him!

@MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig

This drives me fucking insane. I haven’t just wandered off from the kitchen and forgotten that I’m cooking the dinner. Leave it the fuck alone.

DP frequently does do this (I suspect ADHD). After numerous burned pots and pans, I've turned into the spoony fucker in our house - but with good reason!

I've got a turny-spoony fucker. Turns it down and lets all the heat out by taking the lid off to stir.

My dh is a “taking things off the self serve tills before you’ve finished paying” one. The alarm goes off and the staff have to come over to login to the till.

People must think he’s being abused by me when they hear me loudly and firmly saying “DONT”. I sound like I’m training a bull mastiff.