To be pissed off he won't stop touching stuff when I am trying to cook?!

[VelveteenBunni]

DP is really trying my patience. I'll be cooking something and leave it to simmer or whatever, and DP will come along and turn it all the way down!

It winds me up a bit because it's usually potatoes which means when I come back after 15 mins and should normally find basically cooked potatoes, I'm finding raw ones bumping around in tepid water (my hobs go LOW)

I bloody snapped at him today. I don't understand why he keeps doing it when I've asked him not to?!

I may be missing the point, but isn't simmer the lowest hobs go?

I think I only had to utter "WHO'S COOKING DINNER, ME OR YOU? ME? WELL FUCK OFF OUT OF THE KITCHEN THEN" once. I may have had a kitchen utensil in my hand at the time.

He was so taken aback, he's never done it since.

Jesus this has irritated me to read too.

Husband does this occasionally and each time I will ask him with a face like a slapped arse "have you adjusted the heat on something I'm cooking"..... that sorts him until the next time.

I have said "anytime you feel like taking over the cooking, let me know"...he evacuates the kitchen quickly, as he doesn't like cooking....like I do all the time

My DF likes to do this and announces "These spuds are boiling away out here" while turning them down. Yes Dad, that'd be the point.

Give him tinned potatoes from now on. He will soon stop.

SPOONY FUCKER! Good god there's more than one?

Moving house cured my spoony fucker. I think because the kitchen in the old house was small so when he came and hovered he was in proximity of the hob.
New house, huge kitchen and he hovers usually in front of whichever cupboard I need.
In essence I replaced a spoony fucker with a cupboardy fucker.

I hate, hate, HATE this I’ve been known to shout ‘Put that spoon down unless you want me to beat you over the head with it’.

I would feed him the raw spuds , when he complains act all innocent
really but they were on the hob gas mark xxx for xx time, I dont understand why they are not cooked followed by a very hard stare

The Spoony Fuckers thread was great :) DH is on there somewhere.

Me and DJ used to have this shrine to with the old electric cooker. The rings had 1-5 marked on them, he said 3 was for boiling and 1 for simmering. No if 5 isn’t fit boiling then what is it for!

@Crunchymum

I may be missing the point, but isn't simmer the lowest hobs go?

That's exactly the kind of rationale my DH would give whilst being at turny fucker . He designs stuff, so feels it's important for things to be used as the original designer would have intended, whether it works or not.

My solution has been to turn most of the cooking over to DH.

My DP is a spooky and a turny fucker and he always turns the pot handles too so they are facing inwards! Just. Stop! Are you cooking or am I? Right, thank you now bog off!

I may have to re read the spoony fucker thread now. Mine is fucking relentless

Mine is a tidy fucker. I turn around and find the spoon and the colander have been put in the dishwasher and the packet (and instructions)have gone in the bin! 🤬

When he cooks, I'm not even allowed in the kitchen.

Dh used to do this all the time when we first got together. In the end, I started turning the food off and stopped cooking every time he did it, telling him if he knew best he could cook himself.

Give him tinned potatoes from now on. He will soon stop.

I actually like tinned potatoes Sonos be ok with that 😁

DH does this too very occasionally and I firmly tell him to leave my cooking alone, I don't do it when he's cooking!

Dh used to do this till i told him to fuck off or do it himself, when hes cooking he moans if i come to the kitchen for a drink!

Well, my DH (who is a competent cook) has a tendency to put things on max and wander off. That’s annoying. I do sometimes switch things down - but never so low they’d come off a simmer

DP would be a spoony fucker. But when he hovered about fiddling with the cooker I'd just say "I'll leave you to it, I'm going to jump in for a quick shower". Think the penny dropped after about 3 times. He still hovers, but keeps his spoony fucker fingers to himself now.

Mine steals the utensils I'm still using and puts them in the dishwasher

There’s a rule in my house:
You either cook or don’t cook. You don’t get to interfere. You do the whole thing or nothing at all (I’m quite territorial in the kitchen).

DM bastes the meat I’m roasting! Drives me insane, I’ve got it all on a timer, I don’t need her taking it upon herself! She also will randomly stir sauces and if I complain she acts like I’m being some big drama queen. Most of the time it’s irritating but not really an issue but sometimes it’s actually really important not to stir stuff ACTUALLY, MOTHER.

And on a tangent, the rare times she does cook she uses the wrong utensils, grabs a tea towel instead of the oven gloves, doesn’t really affect me seeing as I’m not cooking but it really fucking winds me up. I love her, we generally get on so well but fuck I am ready to have my own kitchen! But then maybe I’ll end up with a spooky fucker DH instead...

DH is a CloseyFucker

I have a mahoosive set of dresser drawers for tea cups/mugs (top two)
Cutlery/Utensils middle drawer
teatowels, foil rolls cling film, third down
drawer of doom bottom

If I heave ho the bloody teatowel drawer open to get the foil out I DO NOT WANT IT CLOSED BEFORE I HAVE FINISHED WITH THE FUCKING FOIL, thanks
Likewise, leave the teacup drawers alone until I have finished emptying the godamned dishwasher
If I have braved the door to the tupperware shelf for a tub I do not want to have to reopen it fortytwo times until I find the correct lid

If I have the dishwasher door ajar it's because I am filling it as I go

If I have the bin lid up don't FUCKING BANG IT DOWN

And for the love of sweetjesus leave the microwavedoor open, it's steamy in there and will moulder if it doesn't get aired.

GTF out of my kitchen!!!!!

TBF, I'm a peggy fucker. DP's attempts at hanging out the washing cause me to twitch.