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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sorry, it's a Facebook one

103 replies

Fletchings · 15/07/2020 12:58

I am a member of my street Facebook group - we usually just exchange things going on on the road which are useful to know (recent break in attempts, or if someone needs a hand with something, roadworks etc).

The group has around 40 members, all of them are white British AFAIK. I am the only one from with an BAME background.

Anyhow, yesterday a member posted to advice/warn us that in the side road next to ours a three young Asian lads moved in. She referred to them as 'pakis' and advised us to be careful when walking around in the evening.

I posted a polite reply asking her to reconsider her language and such insinuations in future posts.

None of the other members (who usually have an opinion just about anything) said anything. However I got a big backslash for saying anything. I have been called all kinds of things and several people told me I just have just sorted it with a neighbourly chat and it was totally inappropriate to say something in the group as the issue is between me and the neighbour only.

I am usually extremely shy but this made me really uncomfortable as I am one to avoid confrontation. I now question myself. Should I have rather said nothing or sent a private message?

(NC in case some group members read this even though I doubt that they are on here) .

OP posts:

redbigbananafeet · 15/07/2020 15:15

If you didn't screenshot the original message, screenshot the messages that the other neighbors messaged you. That at least gives you some evidence that something was said that you called her out on.

Sparticle · 15/07/2020 15:18

Er who on earth has voted that YWBU?

Glad you're feeling a bit better OP.

rachelfrost · 15/07/2020 15:30

OP: you did the right thing, thank you.

Argggghhneedclarity · 15/07/2020 15:30

Surely that is a hate crime. How awful!

Winederlust · 15/07/2020 15:36

I can't believe that nobody else called out such obvious and overt racism! Absolutely disgusting.
I hope you can find the strength to continue to speak up...you never know, you may give courage to others who are currently too cowardly to do so!

ThePants999 · 15/07/2020 15:38

Quick FYI - you got a "backlash". This is a backslash: \

Yawwwwwwwn · 15/07/2020 16:05

Can't believe it, yet I've come across some absolutely awful racism during this pandemic.

OP, I'm so sorry you've experienced this and you did the right thing.

I'm disgusted the racist is also a TA in a school. I'm a TA too. And it is my place to ensure no child, nobody, experiences any of what you have, not without repercussions (that's not the job spec, but it's an important part of working with children).

I would want to know she was a vile racist, if I was her employer. Keep an eye out and screenshot anything even a bit off.

Schoolpickup · 15/07/2020 16:05

'You could have just sorted it with a chat' or 'you could have just chatted to me about it' is basically the response of anyone who's being a dick-ist.

bloodywhitecat · 15/07/2020 16:19

I am very sad that no-one else spoke out but I am not surprised, I think you handled it well and I hope it comes back to bite her on the bum.

JaniceWebster · 15/07/2020 16:19

I can't believe that nobody else called out such obvious and overt racism!

I can. Most people want an easy life and don't want to start a war with their neighbours. They might not become friends or ever meet socially, but they'd stay well out of any drama. I can't even say I blame them!

sallievp · 15/07/2020 16:22

What a vile racist woman. She doesn't know you don't have a screen shot...I would private message her saying you have forwarded the screen shot to the school head teacher...make the racist witch sweat!

Tunnocks34 · 15/07/2020 16:26

Vile but I can’t say I’m surprised. From my experience people are much less tolerant and vocal about racism when it’s aimed at Pakistani/Indian people. Well done you for standing up and saying something.

TiddleyWinks123 · 15/07/2020 16:31

That's awful. No need for that language at all, not acceptable! I think you were right to call them out on it publicly. Sorry that you've received a blacklash but shows what kind of people they are. Breaks my heart there's people like that out there.

picklemewalnuts · 15/07/2020 16:35

I'm a page admin, and we wouldn't have let that happening our page- I'm really sorry it did.

Can I suggest in future (because stuff will happen again and again) that you just report the post to admin? That means someone else has to engage with it.

JaniceWebster · 15/07/2020 16:47

I would private message her saying you have forwarded the screen shot to the school head teacher.

don't... you will end up being the bad guy and she will have proof whilst you won't have anything!

Winederlust · 15/07/2020 18:29

@JaniceWebster

I can't believe that nobody else called out such obvious and overt racism!

And this is exactly why people continue to think it's perfectly ok to keep spouting such ignorant shit.

From my personal experience if one person has the guts to stand up, it empowers others to do so. So it's surprising to me that the opposite happened on this occasion.

Griselda1 · 15/07/2020 18:33

Such a pity you were exposed to these attitudes but you've educated your neighbours and made them think about their language and attitude. That's pretty impressive and I'd stay in the group.

Schoolpickup · 15/07/2020 18:34

Also, playing out the scenario where OP did messace the lady separately. She/they sound like the type of people who would have given you grief if you'd done that as well.

Bullies

Knobblybobbly · 15/07/2020 18:40

A similar thing happened in our (Almost totally white) village Facebook group. A warning from a woman that a suspicious looking Asian man was out walking a dog. This man, it turns out, has lived in the village for about 50 years. Everyone piled in on her it has to be said and her post was removed followed by a message from a moderator to say racism will not be tolerated.

In what world is a 70 year old man (of any colour) walking his fucking dog Suspicious?!

Some people have absolutely nothing else to do. It’s embarrassing

JaniceWebster · 15/07/2020 20:06

From my personal experience if one person has the guts to stand up, it empowers others to do so. So it's surprising to me that the opposite happened on this occasion.

from my own experience, it ends up in a bunfight, posts get deleted, people are pissed off and everybody remembers someone was in an argument, not the reason why.

Movinghouseatlast · 15/07/2020 23:06

What a bunch of cunts they are. Unbelievable this still happens.

Busymum45 · 15/07/2020 23:08

Jeez that's shocking, you haven't done anything wrong, they sound awful

Busymum45 · 15/07/2020 23:12

We have a neighborhood FB group since Covid , have had one or two issues ( not racial) anyone else?

buckeejit · 15/07/2020 23:37

Don't leave the group & good on you for speaking up. So disappointing that nobody else spoke up. Has she PMd you since? If not, that's even more disappointing. I'd give her 48 hours & Message her.

Also if you're feeling brave enough, I'd agree about sharing the BBC bitesize vid, (well, probably-off to watch it now...). Maybe with a little note that you were disappointed that nobody else felt a need to address the racism & hope they find the vid informative.

I live in quite a backward town & there are some FB posts that are bordering on offensive where you need to pick your response carefully. Your group's was out of the ball park. For a TA, I would definitely inform the school

crosseyedMary · 15/07/2020 23:44

I would sit there quietly screenshot everything and use it to blackmail them later😈

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