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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum told my sister about my pregnancy

124 replies

Scrumpyjacks · 15/07/2020 09:31

I'm absolutely fuming but don't know if IBU.

My mum and dad have known for a few weeks about my second pregnancy. Mum has form for being overbearing so chose not to tell her the due date. She has since tried to get it out of me a few times, asking how many weeks I am, what my new week day is and if I will be joining her for odd events on certain dates (that I'm sure she has made up).
Anyway, my sister outright asked me a few weeks ago if I was having another child, so I told her. As it was early days, I asked both my parents and my sister to NOT discuss it with anyone, and definitely not each other. I said it was my news and was early days and didn't want anyone knowing anyone else knew as as soon as they did, I knew they would tell everyone (my mum being the worst for this) so my parents knew but didn't know my sister knew. My sister knew my parents knew.

Last weekend, my sister goes to stay with my parents and I've just found out my mum told my sister about the baby. To me, it doesn't matter that my sister already knew, my mum shouldn't have done it. My sister tried to back track saying it came up in conversation, but I don't see how it could unless you were talking about it, which they shouldn't have been.

My sister has now asked me when I'm telling my brothers and said my mum keeps trying to ask my sister to figure out my due date. Which is very odd.

Aibu to be fuming about this. Not just the sharing of the news but the chat about it, trying to figure out my due date, the high possibility that my mum had taken it upon herself to tell extended family and my brothers.
Fwiw, I'm only 10 weeks pregnant, hense the secrecy. I also don't want to share my due date as my mum kept ringing me daily in the last month of my first pregnancy and would just turn up at the door incase I had gone into labour and needed help. She then refused to meet my new born until a week later as I hadn't told her I was in labour. Just to give you some back story

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 15/07/2020 12:12

I think they’re annoying but seriously consider changing how you think about this. If you tell everyone the whole thing goes away. Choose a due date and accept that people worry towards the birth. It’s life.

Nymeriastark1 · 15/07/2020 12:12

So they both knew but weren't allowed to talk about it. Hmm Grow up.

SheikhaPinty · 15/07/2020 12:16

So your mum is a PITA but you told her anyway, then you told your sister and told her mum knows but forbade them both from discussing it.

Don’t be so ridiculous!

MrsNoah2020 · 15/07/2020 12:27

@SheikhaPinty

So your mum is a PITA but you told her anyway, then you told your sister and told her mum knows but forbade them both from discussing it.

Don’t be so ridiculous!

This.

WTF are you keeping your due date secret anyway? Needless drama - you sound like hard work. My sympathies are with your DSis, if both you and your mother are this much of a PITA.

netflixismysidehustle · 15/07/2020 12:33

Yanbu to ask them to keep it quiet but yabu to expect your mum to keep quiet when she usually blabs. If secrecy is important you should have told her after the 20 week scan and come up with a fake due date that's 3/4 weeks later than the real one. (I'm assuming that she's not childcare for dc1)

Original poster
Scrumpyjacks · 15/07/2020 12:35

I've only read the first two pages and will stop there as some of the comments are really mean. I was prepared to be told iwbu, but not to be called a princess, a diva and to get over myself for wanting a little privacy.

OP posts:
Leaannb · 15/07/2020 12:41

@ScrumpyJacks...You had up privacy when YOU told them.

rottiemum88 · 15/07/2020 12:43

@Scrumpyjacks

I've only read the first two pages and will stop there as some of the comments are really mean. I was prepared to be told iwbu, but not to be called a princess, a diva and to get over myself for wanting a little privacy.
But you told them? So evidently you weren't that bothered about privacy Confused Why not just wait until a point when you were happy for everyone to know and tell them then? Regarding the due date thing, if your mum has form for being overbearing then not telling her is fine I think, providing you don't then tell someone else who feels duty bound to keep your 'secret' too - it isn't fair to put that on people, particularly when they're being asked to secret-keep from other members of their own family!
Nicknacky · 15/07/2020 12:46

I do wonder if her mum is actually “overbearing” or if it’s just the OP who is so extreme that annoying asking normal questions is called that.

MsSquiz · 15/07/2020 12:49

Once you tell someone your secret, it is no longer a secret and you no longer have control over it.

You know your mum is overbearing and full on and you chose to tell her information that you wanted to keep private.

I don't understand why your parents and sister couldn't talk about you pregnancy if they all knew? Why were you particular about that?

Essentially you are mad with your indiscreet mum for talking to your sister about something she already knew...

WeAllHaveWings · 15/07/2020 12:52

Perfectly normal to want to know your dd's due date, weird not to just tell her. Your mum is just playing along with your immature I know something you don't know and I'm not going to tell you game?

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 15/07/2020 12:53

Maybe have a think about how you can avoid creating all that pointless drama in the first place... Congrats on the pregnancy.

KatherineJaneway · 15/07/2020 13:02

@Scrumpyjacks

I've only read the first two pages and will stop there as some of the comments are really mean. I was prepared to be told iwbu, but not to be called a princess, a diva and to get over myself for wanting a little privacy.
You told them both anyway! How is them speaking to each other anything to do with them invading your privacy?
Pinkypink · 15/07/2020 13:02

Give her a fake date. Babies hardly ever arrive on the specific due date anyway.

piscean10 · 15/07/2020 13:04

honestly, what a load of drama. You sound just as much of 'form' as your mother. You know she cannot keep a secret - so you have no grounds to complain. And then getting angry over that? Too much of drama.

Blobby10 · 15/07/2020 13:09

My mum did this to me when I was pregnant with my 3rd child - except she told a neighbour who gleefully told my grandmother who I hadn't had chance to tell. it caused a great deal of hurt and I now don't tell my mother anything remotely confidential unless I am happy for it to be broadcast

nowayhose · 15/07/2020 13:11

@ Scrumpyjacks

Apologies if I've offended you, it was not my intention. Sad

I do hope though that you've been able to take on board what posters are trying to say ?

Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers, but try to chill out and actually enjoy it without feeling you have to control everything, including what your own family say to each other ?

Nanny0gg · 15/07/2020 13:14

Why can't she know your fue date?

Hercwasonaroll · 15/07/2020 13:15

If you want privacy don't tell them ANYTHING.

Create a fake due date to keep them off your back now.

Timetospare · 15/07/2020 13:21

When all is said and done, it will only be your immediate family who will take the slightest bit of interest in this baby and your welfare during your pregnancy.
You may as well enjoy it, as no other bugger will give a fig.

DDiva · 15/07/2020 13:23

YANBU but why tell either if you're that against them knowing/talking.

The due date secrecy seems unnecessary as time goes by the excitement will naturally build even.if they.dont have a particular date to focus on.

viques · 15/07/2020 13:35

@Waveysnail

Crikey are you giving birth to the next baby Jesus? Get over yourself. Either tell all close family or dont tell anyone. It's hardly top secret info Hmm
Mind you, if the OP was going to give birth to the next baby Jesus then her mum would probably be able to work out the birthdate without having to ask sneaky questions. Grin
Hadjab · 15/07/2020 13:36

@Scrumpyjacks the best way to keep your secrets is not to tell anyone 🤷🏽‍♀️

colourmylife · 15/07/2020 13:45

I’m not telling anyone our due date this time round either for the very same reason. It was torture, the constant phone calls and questions from my friends and in laws. I came off social media but they rang my partner who wouldn’t ignore the calls like I asked.

DilemmaADay · 15/07/2020 14:01

Someone I know was similarly precious about their pregnancy, names, due date etc was all a big 'we know something you dont know' and a 'suprise'. In the end she had the baby and began drip feeding details to people one at a time. One of those posted on SM a photo of the baby, gender, name etc (not knowing the details had been kept so private) so by the time the couple did the 'reveal', everyone knew anyway and didnt care as the baby was healthy.

I think you're being very precious OP, dont suck the joy out of your pregnancy. The worry around the due date is probably so she can be on standby in case you need anything