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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum told my sister about my pregnancy

124 replies

Scrumpyjacks · 15/07/2020 09:31

I'm absolutely fuming but don't know if IBU.

My mum and dad have known for a few weeks about my second pregnancy. Mum has form for being overbearing so chose not to tell her the due date. She has since tried to get it out of me a few times, asking how many weeks I am, what my new week day is and if I will be joining her for odd events on certain dates (that I'm sure she has made up).
Anyway, my sister outright asked me a few weeks ago if I was having another child, so I told her. As it was early days, I asked both my parents and my sister to NOT discuss it with anyone, and definitely not each other. I said it was my news and was early days and didn't want anyone knowing anyone else knew as as soon as they did, I knew they would tell everyone (my mum being the worst for this) so my parents knew but didn't know my sister knew. My sister knew my parents knew.

Last weekend, my sister goes to stay with my parents and I've just found out my mum told my sister about the baby. To me, it doesn't matter that my sister already knew, my mum shouldn't have done it. My sister tried to back track saying it came up in conversation, but I don't see how it could unless you were talking about it, which they shouldn't have been.

My sister has now asked me when I'm telling my brothers and said my mum keeps trying to ask my sister to figure out my due date. Which is very odd.

Aibu to be fuming about this. Not just the sharing of the news but the chat about it, trying to figure out my due date, the high possibility that my mum had taken it upon herself to tell extended family and my brothers.
Fwiw, I'm only 10 weeks pregnant, hense the secrecy. I also don't want to share my due date as my mum kept ringing me daily in the last month of my first pregnancy and would just turn up at the door incase I had gone into labour and needed help. She then refused to meet my new born until a week later as I hadn't told her I was in labour. Just to give you some back story

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 15/07/2020 10:27

I think you have very much created this yourself. Telling them you are pregnant but not the due date is just a bit odd.

Charleyhorses · 15/07/2020 10:28

Huh? You told both of them but want to dictate they don't discuss it between them?
There's a whole world you can't control you know.

Porcupineinwaiting · 15/07/2020 10:28

Stop playing games with people OP. You'll be happier.

Doyoumind · 15/07/2020 10:29

You know what your mum is like and how unlikely she would be to keep it a secret and yet you told her. It's annoying but not worth getting so worked up about in the scheme of things. Remember not to share secrets with her in the future.

Oysterbabe · 15/07/2020 10:30

Honestly OP you sound like a nightmare. Just chill out. It's just a baby, people have them all the fucking time.

AnotherEmma · 15/07/2020 10:30

YABU for two reasons

  1. Your mother has form for being overbearing and not respecting your boundaries so you should have waited longer before telling her, you should have known she was not going to respect your request to keep it to herself
  2. It's unreasonable to tell your parents but not your siblings, when I told my parents I knew they'd be excited so I told my siblings at the same time or just after, so they could talk about it.

Really I don't see the big deal in people talking about your news - once you've decided to share the news, that's it - it's not really a secret any more. If you wanted to keep it quiet for longer you shouldn't have told your mum yet.

CookieMumsters · 15/07/2020 10:34

Your mum sounds really challenging and she shouldn't have told your sister, but you knew that was a risk when you told her.

I do think it would be odd to know someone was pregnant but not know a due date, and I'd probably speculate in their position. Make one up if you dont want to tell them the real one.

campion · 15/07/2020 10:38

What @Oysterbabe said.

Ughmaybenot · 15/07/2020 10:40

So they both know... but they can’t talk to each other about it? And you’ve told your sister but not your brothers?
You’re getting yourself in for a world of stress and drama here. It’s too late now for sure but really you should either have told all or none especially knowing what your mum is like. They know now, no good stressing after the fact.

Isthisfinallyit · 15/07/2020 10:41

This is why we're not telling our families until 20 weeks (luckily in a few days since I'm starting to have trouble hiding it with clothes now). Friends know though. I also happily tell everyone my official due date, but neglect to tell them that I will need to be induced weeks before that Grin. Also not telling anyone the name claiming that we're still deciding between multiple options. I'm hoping that this will give me a more relaxed late last trimester.

Waveysnail · 15/07/2020 10:41

Crikey are you giving birth to the next baby Jesus? Get over yourself. Either tell all close family or dont tell anyone. It's hardly top secret info Hmm

namesnames · 15/07/2020 10:45

Sorry but this is your doing. You know what your Mum is like and you've told your sister.

If you don't want anyone talking about something, especially something as lovely as a new grandchild, niece/nephew, don't tell anyone.

bee222 · 15/07/2020 10:48

I think it's a bit weird to not tell your mother your due date...I've never heard of this before

Not weird at all. I’ve told my mum I’m due in January. I’m due December. Keeps her from constantly hassling me for updates.

trappedbytheangel · 15/07/2020 10:51

What needless drama. Just reading the OP made me exhausted and bored. What on earth are you fuming about?! Get some perspective, FAST.

Livingoncake · 15/07/2020 10:54

This is the sort of thing my teenage students do when they want to create drama. It's even more ridiculous when grown women do it.

Sorry, OP, but YABU for wanting to tell people your secret, but expecting them not to discuss it with each other. You're being precious and a micromanager. Sorry.

BlingLoving · 15/07/2020 10:55

Op, your mum sounds difficult so I sympathise but... agree with all the PP. YOU created this whole drama. You shouldn't have told her until you were ready. You also are being ridiculous refusing t give her a full picture... "I'm pregnant but I'm not going to tell you how pregnant" is just silly. If you don't want her to know because she has form for turning up and hounding you, then sure, go ahead and tell her a fake date. But trying to hide it is just silly and frankly, controlling.

As for telling mum and sister but ordering them not to talk to each other? That's honestly the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Ditto, telling some members of immediate family and not others is just setting yourself up for trauma when the rest of the family discover you've been keeping it from them.

Dial back the drama or this is going to be a very stressful pregnancy for you.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 15/07/2020 10:55

Why all the secrecy and drama op? You knew your mum was going to gossip. It’s completely bizarre to tell two people and then tell them not to tell each other. And again bizarre to tell your mum you’re pregnant, but then withhold all the important details. Why bother telling anyone anything I. the first place then??

Silentplikebath · 15/07/2020 10:56

There is a simple answer to this. Don’t tell anyone about your pregnancy until you are ready for everyone to know, if your family can’t be trusted.

It’s done now, so enjoy your pregnancy!

20viona · 15/07/2020 10:57

Your mums behaviour is bizarre in relation to your last pregnancy so I'd expect similar this time

WhatamessIgotinto · 15/07/2020 10:59

Why did you tell your mum in the first place if you knew she would probably tell other people? I think it's strange to tell your mum that you're having a baby and not tell her when you're having it. It all sounds unnecessarily dramatic.

Keepmeawayfromthebuffet · 15/07/2020 11:01

Sorry but think YABU. You knew your mum would tell people so why let her know until you’re ready for others to find out?

I don’t understand why you told your mum and your sister but didn’t want them to talk about it together?

diddl · 15/07/2020 11:03

If you knew your mum might badger you about stuff I can't think why you have told her so early.

Did she need to know for some reason or were you just excited & wanted to tell her?

Are you not close to your siblings & hence weren't going to say anything yet?

I do get why you're annoyed that you asked your mum not to tell anyone, but given her history...

WhatamessIgotinto · 15/07/2020 11:11

It's your business of course OP, but it does sound like you were 'testing' your mum out. You knew she would tell people, you still told her.

donnatellme · 15/07/2020 11:14

Do you enjoy being the centre of attention, OP?

Reading between the lines, seems like you dropped a few morsels to get tongues wagging and then came the faux outrage about your "special" pregnancy. Really... Quite weird in all honestly.

ChicCroissant · 15/07/2020 11:16

Congratulations on the pregnancy OP.

You could have told your parents and siblings on the same day and easily avoided all this though.