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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why are people so competitive over what their kids eat?

137 replies

Fuebomba0 · 13/07/2020 22:00

Like eating a kids meal at a restaurant isn't that bad Hmm, just don't see why a lot of people are competitive over what their kids eat. Like wow your 5 year old DS eats seafood paella 👏👏

OP posts:
Mumshappy · 14/07/2020 12:20

Dd16 extremely fussy as a baby, child and teenager.
Dd9 has never been fussy to date.
Ds2 ate everything until recently. Will not eat most things atm.

YgritteSnow · 14/07/2020 12:25

Dd eats a portion of fruit with breakfast each morning - an apple, nectarine, grapes or banana. With lunch - usually a whole meal cheese or ham sandwich - every day she has a five veg portion salad, so a combo of possibly celery, tomatoes, pea shoots, rocket, cucumber, green pepper, baby sweet corn, carrots, radishes etc. Then at dinner she will have broccoli or corn on the cob with whatever she's eating, possibly another 5 veg portion salad as she really loves it. She likes roast chicken, salmon, prawns, jacket and roast potatoes etc

And yet because she won't eat a roast dinner with gravy or anything with any kind of sauce - casserole, stew etc, she is called "fussy" and I have been told more than once that they could never cope with such a fussy eater 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pinkyandthebrainz · 14/07/2020 12:27

Because fussy kids are a nightmare. Sorry Confused

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 14/07/2020 12:28

I think personality plays a part.
My eldest is quite reserved, but helpful and hardworking. She eats a range of food at home, and likes to help cook- and can cook meals with supervision following a recipe. However when eating out she chooses safe options.

My youngest is outgoing and adventurous. Loves buffets because she can try new things. When we lived in Cyprus she loved Mezes because of all the different things on one meal. She's also an awkward creature in many ways... Part of which was her refusal to eat any potato or bread products until she was four. At 7, she will eat mash and jackets, but no other form of potato- no roasts, no chips, no crisps even. Bread products are ok in small portions.

And yes the competitive parts of parenting are very tiresome.

YgritteSnow · 14/07/2020 12:30

But aren't many kids only fussy in relation to the food choices you make? They don't like your food preferences and manner of serving it but that doesn't make them "fussy".

BlingLoving · 14/07/2020 12:32

@lazylinguist Up to a point but.... We certainly didn't have chicken nuggets and pizza as those sort of convenience foods were not really available when I was young, but I do remember that we didn't eat the variety of food that we did as an older child. And also that my parents ate very plain food themselves, especially my mum. So, for example, we'd have a roast chicken, potatoes and peas/carrots - nothing fancy, v few flavourings on the chicken etc. Sausages and mash/cauliflower cheese. Macaroni cheese. Spaghetti bolognaise. To be honest, things that my fussy DD would probably eat.

But me and DH (and DS) eat a much more varied/interesting diet - we've had roasted veg with burrata, roasted cauliflower with pilaf, quiche, and lentil soup in the last week. With the possible exception of the quiche, none of those (which I don't consider exotic) would have been eaten by my mother under any conditions.

SarahTancredi · 14/07/2020 12:37

And also that my parents ate very plain food themselves, especially my mum. So, for example, we'd have a roast chicken, potatoes and peas/carrots - nothing fancy, v few flavourings on the chicken etc. Sausages and mash/cauliflower cheese. Macaroni cheese. Spaghetti bolognaise. To be honest, things that my fussy DD would probably eat

Tbh though wasn't there at least alot more home cooking when we were kid? So only eating plainer stuff wasn't so much of an issue as it was all perfectly normal homemade food . I never used to see anyone feeling their babies jars either. Not that there's anything wrong with mixing fresh and jarred food fid convenience and to ensure baby is fed etc but there have always been concerns that jarred food doesn't help babies get used to natural variations in taste and texture i thibk people to an extent have lost confidence to cook really as they haven't the time or the money to make stuff the kid won't eat but this has lead to in some Cses separate food fir the kid's if the parents fancy something different . Bit of a catch 22 really

DollyDoneMore · 14/07/2020 12:40

@Pinkyandthebrainz

Because fussy kids are a nightmare. Sorry Confused
Correct.

And because they then become fussy adults.

Shayisgreat · 14/07/2020 12:42

It's just another way for people to be snobby/competitive. Usually a sign that they're insecure about something (or everything!)

I try to get my DS to eat as wide a variety as possible but if all he'll eat one day is weetabix, breadsticks, cheese, and banana then I'll try to take it with as much equanimity as when he loves the more elaborate dishes I try.

Minai · 14/07/2020 12:47

I hate this. My nct group made me feel like shit about my fussy eater. It was all ‘well done me, my little angel eats kale and quinoa because of me and my amazing parenting’ it made me feel so, so shit that all my little boy would touch was plain pasta and yoghurt. I felt like I’d done something really badly wrong until I got ds2 who will literally eat anything put in front of him.

BlingLoving · 14/07/2020 12:47

I never used to see anyone feeling their babies jars either.

Where I grew up jars were absolutely standard. My mum was quite shocked when I said that the jars are actually full of crap and if I'm going for convenience I'll buy the organic pouch stuff. It had never even occurred to her to read the labels on them. So I think jars were pretty standard back in the day.

But ready meals etc, yes, you're right - much less of that.

OverTheRainbow88 · 14/07/2020 12:50

One of mine eats anything and everything pretty much, my other eats about 6 different things, and nothing ‘mealy’ just 6 random foods!!

riotlady · 14/07/2020 12:54

Yanbu. I was a fussy child and grew up into a perfectly functional adult who eats a varied diet. You don’t win any awards for eating kale.

aintnothinbutagstring · 14/07/2020 12:58

Why, is eating good food only the preserve of the middle and upper classes? Why should a children's menu include only beige, usually deep fried, food? My son is very fussy but he enjoys plain food without sauces and usually presented separately, nonetheless he regularly eats sea bream, trout, salmon, loves fish, as they are quite plain foods that can be cooked quickly, a jacket potato rather than chips, plain roast chicken rather than nuggets. Having a boring palate doesn't mean you can't eat a variety of healthy foods. A seafood paella is not fancy food, it's just fish and rice Confused

BGirlBouillabaisse · 14/07/2020 12:59

My two did BLW, I never really understood obsessive pureeing. If you read about gag reflex you understand that babies don't choke on most things (I avoided whole grapes/ marshmallows etc). People are welcome to spend time pureeing but it's not necessary.

Both DS1 and 2 moan about food fairly often which is completely normal and probably linked to a bit of anxiety around new tastes and textures. I don't comment on food at all, and if they don't fancy a meal they just get some fruit or a carrot. They won't starve themselves.

AlternativePerspective · 14/07/2020 13:04

Tbh I think one of the biggest contributors to children being fussy eaters is that we have too much choice.

If they won’t eat one thing there is always something they will because there are so many choices. Pasta/chips/potatoes/risotto/stir-fry and all those have variations of ingredients and sauces. You could do a four week meal plan and not eat the same thing twice.

But in other countries where they have a more specific diet e.g. in the Far East for instance where they eat a lot of rice and veg with specific sauces, or Asia where curried/spicy food is more common, not to mention poorer countries where ingredients and choices are extremely limited, children don’t have the option of deciding they don’t like this or that food.

Most children here are fussy because we allow them to be. And that’s not a criticism, as a parent it’s an instinct to feed your child, so if a child doesn’t want something then you have the option to give them something else, and something else, and on until you find something they’ll eat.

There absolutely are children who will go hungry rather than eat what they don’t like, I was one. But those children really are in the minority, but it’s just far too difficult to sit with a child who is crying because they don’t want x and want y instead.

As for children who will only eat e.g. crisps and biscuits, and one I saw on one of those hospital programmes once who would only eat chocolate buttons, Hmm children only develop those kinds of habits if you give them that stuff in the first place. That’s an entirely different animal from the child who will only eat chips or toast.

BlingLoving · 14/07/2020 13:10

I think what people often don't take into account is that fussy eaters might be limited, but they are still getting plenty of nutrients (again, DD is a good example - her diet is limited and she won't try new things, hates sauces etc, but she eats plenty of fruit and veg etc). There's no need to judge someone whose child is healthy, if boring..

A child who eats ONLY chicken nuggets and buttons is a different story. But most of the time, this is rare.

There was a poster on here a while ago who was really worried about her child's diet. But while it was dreadfully repetitive and boring, she would eat at least 3 kinds of fruit and veg, pasta, cheese and certain yoghurts and I seem to recall she would eat a basic, but boring meat like stir fried chicken breast or similar. I didn't blame the OP for being frustrated but her concern was nutrition when it was quite clear that her DD was doing okay on that.

aintnothinbutagstring · 14/07/2020 13:11

And to say a child's meal in a restaurant is cheaper than adults, £5 for a meal that has just been pulled out of the freezer and deep fried is not that cheap. Restaurants could just serve half portions of adult meals or less fussy versions. Furthermore, why does a child's meal have to be really cheap? They're in more need of protein and nutrients than adults, as they are still growing, baby food should be the very best food as their brains are still growing at a rapid rate.

Dylaninthemovies1 · 14/07/2020 13:12

I think it’s partly genetic. My husband and son both are both very good eaters. For some reason on my side of the family loads of us are vegetarian.

I would say though that I’m delighted that my 4 year old son eats almost anything (allergies excepted). Going out for dinner is much easier. Going to friends for dinner is easy, and every day cooking is much simpler.: we don’t need to cook multiple meals every evening (and as both adults are working, time is at a premium)

Only thing is that he has a huge appetite, so I am a bit worried about him getting fat. Thankfully he does really like veggies which aren’t as calorific as other foods

SarahTancredi · 14/07/2020 13:18

And to say a child's meal in a restaurant is cheaper than adults, £5 for a meal that has just been pulled out of the freezer and deep fried is not that cheap. Restaurants could just serve half portions of adult meals or less fussy versions. Furthermore, why does a child's meal have to be really cheap?

Well yes you can buy an entire bag of chicken nuggets in Iceland fir a quid and the chips are probably just left in the basket from when they cooked up someones mixed grill but they usually are a 2 course meal with a drink and you are paying overheads aswell so as far as restraunt prices go it is cheap.

I do think however that given the prices they charge fir everything else the least they can do is make fresh chicken nuggets . Make it seem as if kids are at least worth something rather than fed the cheapest crappest version of everything. I've seen some awful meals go out for kids. Just hurled on a plate no effort to even present it nicely. Shitty way to treat children tbh.( the restraunt that us. Sure parents don't really realise half the time what utter cheap shit it is)

Hardbackwriter · 14/07/2020 13:21

I don't think it's pleasant to be competitive over it - but I don't think it's pleasant to be competitive over baby milestones, academic achievement, etc and the same people are competitive over that too - but surely everyone would rather have a child that wasn't a fussy eater? It's like having a good sleeper - don't be annoying and smug about it, but obviously everyone would prefer it and so parents are happy if they get one?

I think that, annoyingly, as with a lot of parenting, there's not much you can do to guarantee your child will eat well, but there's lots you can do that will mean they won't. You can wean perfectly, offer the ideal foods, and still end up with one who only eats fish fingers and chips - but there's not much chance they'll eat well if their parents don't eat vegetables.

pasteldechocolateconchispa · 14/07/2020 13:25

I have one great eater and one terrible eater.

It’s just something else to make another human feel shit about.

Feed your child a balanced diet if you can I know some people can’t afford to, encourage your child and if they only eat X Y Z then at least they are eating, don’t sweat it. As adults most of us probably as much as we polish that I’m a healthy bastard halo have days where only an extra hobnob/glass of wine/french stick/cake will do, McDonalds should rebrandkids meals - hand reared organic chicken covered in the finest bubbly orange batter served with a portion of once fried thinly sliced potato, accompanied by a red dipping sauce and water from the virgin mountains of st Ronald, bring it up a notch...people might feel more love for McDonalds if it was written in a pompous way

RedskyAtnight · 14/07/2020 13:27

DD won't eat fruit (unless cooked). DS guzzles it down.
Don't know what that says about me as a parent.

(DS has also this morning eaten about half a packet of crunchy nut cornflakes - can I brag about that?)

formerbabe · 14/07/2020 13:31

DD won't eat fruit (unless cooked). DS guzzles it down

Same. My dd refuses to eat fruit...I've honestly tried everything you could think of...juicing, smoothie, kebabs, dipping it in chocolate, letting her choose in the shop etc. We have a big fruit bowl which they can help themselves to. She just won't eat it.

Noti23 · 14/07/2020 13:43

I don’t believe ‘child-friendly restaurants’ but I also won’t give a sh*t if my child chooses chicken nuggets as long as I get to eat out in peace.

My 18 month old loves hot curries and fish but the only veg he will eat is broccoli and peas. Fish fingers, chips and peas is my go to at the end of the week when I’m fed up of scrubbing food off the walls. I don’t need to hear how brilliantly other peoples’ children eat!

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