Forced abortion

[djfkskfjd]

Hello,
This is my first ever post on any forum, I thought maybe if I write my story somewhere , it will somewhat make me feel a bit better.

One week ago I found out I am pregnant (unplanned), I am around 5/6 weeks. I already have a 2 year old daughter, she has always been very demanding, and currently going through a very hard phase where she’s having tantrums non stop. The past couple of weeks have been an absolute nightmare for me, physically but most importantly mentally. And now this. I told my partner about this yesterday knowing that he wouldn’t want me to keep it (tried forcing me to have an abortion the first time). He said everything is my fault and I better get the pills. Ever since that talk I have been a wreck. I haven’t stopped crying, cannot physically do anything today, and just feel sorry for my daughter to have to watch her mum be in such a state.
I have been in touch with an abortion clinic last week, they sent me the pills, when they arrived I hid them and gave myself a bit more time to think things through.
I would really love to keep this baby, I know it may sound stupid but I already love it, and even thinking about having to kill it makes me cry my eyes out. I really cannot see a way out of this though, mainly because of my partner. He is abusive and a horrible person (never beats me infront of my daughter, we don’t live together, he is a brilliant dad). Also, I don’t feel like I will be able to manage a newborn and a very demanding toddler on my own ( I feel like my partner won’t want anything to do with it). I don’t want my daughter to lose a dad, they have a beautiful bond. My question is, will I ever recover from this emotionally? I feel like I will think about this baby every day for the rest of my life, wondering if it would have been a girl or a boy, what they would look like... i feel like I will never be able to forgive myself for doing this, but at the same time I feel like doing this is my only option right now.
Please don’t judge me, the last thing I need is to read rude comments. I know I am also to blame for this situation, but I just want to know if my life will ever be ok again.

Bloody hell brilliant dad who treats you like that?. Thats not a briilaint dad thats someone you would be much better off without!

You want the babe then keep it its yours:) no one else can tell you otherwise and I've see ladies who've bene thru abortions and have always regretted it almost without excpetion.

And never mind your little one, ever heard of the Terrible Twos;?..

@djfkskfjd

Creating this post and reading all of your comments has really cheered me up, and gave me strength. Thank you all so so much. Never thought I’d receive so much support. Thank you guys. I hope the next post I make on here will only be a positive one

I’m glad you’ve found the thread helpful. But don’t feel you can’t come back until you have something positive to say. People here understand that it takes years to get into this situation and it can’t be fixed in 5 mins.

You don’t need to be always positive here, we know that life is complicated.

It sounds like you will massively regret it if you abort this baby. Your husband is not a great dad. Great dads don’t abuse the mother of their children. Get rid of him not the baby. There will be help available if you look for it. Contact women’s aid and see what help you could get. Don’t worry about your daughter, 2 year olds are hard. By the time the baby would be born she will be 3 and getting easier (in my experience you can reason with them a bit more and there are less tantrums) and also will be eligible for free hours at nursery.

I know of quite a few situations where this has happened, men who consented to sex and unless contraception has failed, then they are 50 percent responsible!
I am shocked that you say the daughter you have he also tried to get you to abort, is that right?! I am not being nasty as I know abuse can be in a sexual form as well, but I am just shocked that after everything you have continued a sexual relationship with him, for this unwanted pregnancy to continue.
I thought I understood certain forms of abuse and certainly thought that I had identified things in my own situation, but clearly I had not.

I agree with what so many others have said, of course if you want to keep your baby then that is the most important factor, it's weighing it up with other things that have/are going on, and where having the baby might have implications.
Agree that the good thing is you live apart, I don't think it makes it easy to get rid of him, as I didn't live with my ex and it took a lot to get rid of him, no children involved. I'm talking him being deported and coming back lol, sorry not making a joke of it but it's funny now after all these years.

I say definantly give yourself a bit more time to think about how you will cope with another child, and financially etc, some want things enough that their determination and way of getting through it all amazes me! And I have so much admiration.
Get advice and support from the sources already mentioned, and make arrangements so that when you tell him you are done, things are already in place/the police etc are already aware.

If he turns up call the police!

Agree with the poster above. If you can financially support 2 children with childcare around your job etc then go for it alone. Just don't let him near them.

Sorry that should have said unplanned pregnancy, and that a sexual relationship has continued. But again I repeat that I know this happens and some are even forced to continue sexual relations, so please don't take that in the wrong way, I didn't mean it to sound nasty.

You've already had loads of comments on the relationship side of things so not going to add to that but I wouldn't let your Dd being at a tricky toddler stage be a reason. Obviously doing it on your own could be tough no matter what but children change so much in 9 months! My dd was tricky when I was pregnant and I wondered if I was mad but now she's a bit older she's the most loving older sister.

He's the reason you feel so helpless. Please leave and create a new life. It won't be easy but it will be easier than being stuck with an abuser.

And it's your choice what you decide to do re pregnancy.

Good luck, op.

You need to open your eyes , he is a monster , and better to have your child/children away from him

The guilt and pain I feel over my abortion is horrible, even though I have no regrets as it was the worst timing wise. I still have a sick feeling in my stomach when I think of what she would have been like (I feel strongly that it was a she even though it was only 5 weeks). I was fully in charge of my decision so I would strongly warn you to have an abortion against your own feelings. If you want the baby, then keep it.

He is not a brilliant dad hes a twat. Don't do it if you do not want to. I had an abortion but I was a 14 year old child. It was the right decision in a shit situation like that and I have not regretted it. Well I did actually say I was too scared to go through with it at the time but the nurses or whoever they were said its for the best and I am thankful. You are a grown woman, you make your choices. Do what's best for you. You do not need a man like him.

Beating a child's mother makes you a crap dad, even if you don't do it in front of the child.

I know it's a heartbreaking decision but think really carefully about what is the most sensible decision for you, your daughter and any unborn child that may be facing a pretty crap future as the unwanted child of an abusive violent father.