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Original poster

Forced abortion

88 replies

djfkskfjd · 13/07/2020 14:45

Hello,
This is my first ever post on any forum, I thought maybe if I write my story somewhere , it will somewhat make me feel a bit better.

One week ago I found out I am pregnant (unplanned), I am around 5/6 weeks. I already have a 2 year old daughter, she has always been very demanding, and currently going through a very hard phase where she’s having tantrums non stop. The past couple of weeks have been an absolute nightmare for me, physically but most importantly mentally. And now this. I told my partner about this yesterday knowing that he wouldn’t want me to keep it (tried forcing me to have an abortion the first time). He said everything is my fault and I better get the pills. Ever since that talk I have been a wreck. I haven’t stopped crying, cannot physically do anything today, and just feel sorry for my daughter to have to watch her mum be in such a state.
I have been in touch with an abortion clinic last week, they sent me the pills, when they arrived I hid them and gave myself a bit more time to think things through.
I would really love to keep this baby, I know it may sound stupid but I already love it, and even thinking about having to kill it makes me cry my eyes out. I really cannot see a way out of this though, mainly because of my partner. He is abusive and a horrible person (never beats me infront of my daughter, we don’t live together, he is a brilliant dad). Also, I don’t feel like I will be able to manage a newborn and a very demanding toddler on my own ( I feel like my partner won’t want anything to do with it). I don’t want my daughter to lose a dad, they have a beautiful bond. My question is, will I ever recover from this emotionally? I feel like I will think about this baby every day for the rest of my life, wondering if it would have been a girl or a boy, what they would look like... i feel like I will never be able to forgive myself for doing this, but at the same time I feel like doing this is my only option right now.
Please don’t judge me, the last thing I need is to read rude comments. I know I am also to blame for this situation, but I just want to know if my life will ever be ok again.

OP posts:
LavaLamp5566 · 13/07/2020 15:31

@djfkskfjd - YOU. NEED. TO. LEAVE

He's forcing you to get an abortion. He's a shite Dad (Sorry for my language) A brilliant Dad doesn't do half the bs you described in your post. If you carry on and stay with him he might get violent in front of your child or WORSE - He might be violent with your child instead. Is that what you want?

You need to get out of there, because if you don't things will become worse for you and your babies

fflelp · 13/07/2020 15:34

You need to get away from him.
Contact Women's Aid for help.
If you do not want to terminate the pregnancy then don't terminate it.

HowFastIsTooFast · 13/07/2020 15:37

You may not have practical support from friends or family, but there are certainly organisations that can help you, and you'll find buckets of moral support right here whenever you need it x

ginnybag · 13/07/2020 15:37

No man who hits a woman - ever- is a brilliant anything, much less a dad to a daughter.

It's not possible for him to be, because his actions state loud and clear that he feels women and girls are there to be his punch bags.

You want this baby, its there in your post, in the language you've used.

That's really all that matters here.

And, please remember that your daughter won't be a tantrum throwing two year old in 8 months time. She'll be three or nearly three. How much has she changed in the last 8 months? How much will she change again?

It won't be easy, but it'll be easier when you aren't being beaten and threatened, and if you can survive that, my love, you can survive anything.

MandosHatHair · 13/07/2020 15:39

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. I am completely pro choice, but to get an abortion to keep this abusive man happy would not be your choice would it? You've had some great advice so far. I really hope you take it for yours and your daughters sake Flowers

MrsHSW · 13/07/2020 15:39

I want to send you a big hug. This must be so hard.

It sounds like you really don't need any more pain in your life. It seems like the thought of having an abortion is making you sad? If you want to keep it, keep it, you'll manage some how. On the other hand if you really don't feel like you want another child, thats OK too - you have a right to choose and should not be made to feel pressured into anything or guilty for then making a choice.

However I would be very worried about bringing another child into an abusive environment. He is not a good dad he is a shit, who is trying to silence your instincts. You and your daughter are not safe there.

Please, please please, call Woman's Aid - they are lovely and very helpful.

Hanrora06 · 13/07/2020 15:40

So glad you've made that decision @djfkskfjd, I totally understand you will feel alone- but you are never totally alone, there is so much support out there not only on MN but all the charities and groups that are here for women in your position. You can do it, and you and your daughter will be fine in the end, no matter what you choose to do about your pregnancy. Good luck Flowers x

crimsonclover · 13/07/2020 15:42

This is much more simple that you think. You are pregnant with a baby you want and love already. (Nothing strange about that btw). You are in a relationship with an abuser. Leave him, have the baby. If he doesn’t live with you anyway there shouldn’t be much change in his relationship with your daughter. Perhaps raising another baby won’t be so difficult without the abuse!

Boom45 · 13/07/2020 15:42

Contact a women's charity and get yourself some support. The abortion is entirely your choice, plenty of women have them and have no regrets at all but if you dont want an abortion then don't have one. Your abusive partner is not going to support you whatever you do so dont base any part of your decision making on him. There are people that will help you so please get in touch with either women's aid or a local charity. Theres a good list here - www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

GinDrinker00 · 13/07/2020 15:44

Leave him OP. Sad You got this OP, if it’s what you really want then go for it, you’ve done it once already so what’s a second time?

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/07/2020 15:45

I just want to echo what everyone else has said. Get away from this man as soon as you can.

GilbertMarkham · 13/07/2020 15:46

Well he tried to get you to abort your child before she was even born, so he's not a good dad. He tried to end her life, she wouldn't even exist if he'd had his way.

And any man who bullies, hits, puts diwn, stresses etc the mother of his child is not s good dad either ... Because he's affecting their mum's mental health, happiness (and potentially physical health if he's physically aggressive & violent to her) .. which means she's not the happy, relaxed, confident mum she should be. She's distracted, stressed, unhappy, down etc.
He's by default not a good dad when he has a negative effect on their mum.

As to everything's your fault ....
Lmfao

He's the one who shot his spunk inside you without a condom (or a vasectomy). Contraception can fail .. if you really don't want kids from having sex, those are your two options - condom used throughout (and could still fail) or vasectomy.

It's his ejaculation, his semen, his sperm, half his responsibility. End of fkg story.

What a fkg arsehole.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/07/2020 15:48

Reading between the lines he does beat you but not infront of your daughter.
That doesn’t make it okay. No “good” dad would beat the mother of the child. Supposing he’d have gives you an unlucky blow whereby his daughter loses her mother. I’m sorry but that’s not my idea and I doubt anyone else’s idea of a “good dad”. Stop putting him on a pedestal. He’s lower that maggot putting his hands on you.
How dare he!!!!!!!. Also how dare he dictate what you do with your own body and baby. He didn’t want a baby well “he shouldn’t hAve dipped his wick, should he. I never usually say this about abortions as it’s too emotive and too much of a intense and personal decision, but. The fact that you love this baby already tells me you should go ahead with the pregnancy and fuck him off.

GilbertMarkham · 13/07/2020 15:48

In any cases, he's a beater and likes to have sex and then blame the woman alone for getting pregnant, and push her to have abortion's. He's not relationship material, he's just a horrible shit when it comes down to it and he's never going to make your household or life a happy one.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/07/2020 15:49

In your situation I think I would end the pregnancy, I would be worried about how I'd cope and would not want any more links to this poor excuse for a human. However it's such a personal decision you have to do what's best for you and your daughter. If you do go through with it though be prepared for him to change his mind and try and get acces just to piss you off, imagine having to leave a tiny baby with him. Also something to think about, I know your daughter is hard work but in 9 months she will be a very different child, the differences between 2 and 3 are potty trained, in pre school, more reasoning, more conversation, can actually help entertain a baby a bit etc. So just because it's hard now doesn't mean it would be impossible in 9 months. Good luck and I hope you get away from him, he sounds awful

SoulofanAggron · 13/07/2020 15:50

If you already love the baby then keep it Flowers Flowers Flowers

He is awful and abusive- please end it with him. He can still see your DD and probably will get used to the idea of the other baby on the way.

It's months yet- your DD might well be out of this particularly difficult phase by the time the new baby comes along. If you find it hard you can seek support. xx

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/07/2020 15:50

I know there’s nothing unusual about a 2 year old throwing tantrums, but. Maybe your little one is being challenging because she’s picking up the stress.

Viviennemary · 13/07/2020 15:51

He is an abusive monster. Tell him he is no longer welcome in your life. Much easier since you don't live together. Forcing somebody to have an abortion is inhumane. Vile. Don't stand for it.

mylittlesandwich · 13/07/2020 15:51

You are so much stronger than he lets you believe. You can have this baby if you want to, but you don't have to. Your partner is not a good example for your daughter. You have to get away for both your sakes but you know that. It's easier said than done though.

back2good · 13/07/2020 15:52

Brilliant dads don't beat and abuse the mother's of their children, end of.

He is NOT a brilliant dad.

He is a horrible bully of a man who was happy to have sex and now wants to blame you for the consequences.

Get legal advice. Possibly get a restraining order if you're afraid of him, as you should be. Get him out of your life. And apply for child maintenance.

slashlover · 13/07/2020 15:55

OP, the fact that he doesn't beat you in front of your DD means that he can control himself and chooses to beat you. If your DD loses her dad that that would be HIS decision and absolutely nothing to do with you.

RandyLionandDirtyDog · 13/07/2020 15:56

Please don’t have an abortion just because someone else is putting pressure on you. Only choose that option if it’s what you feel is for the best. Also, you’ve actually got a few weeks before it stops being an option for you so give yourself time to carefully way up your options. Whichever choice you make is ok. Flowers

Watermelontea · 13/07/2020 15:58

My DD was a difficult 2 year old and my other child was born a few days before her third birthday, she’s totally different now and whilst has difficult days she’s is so much calmer and has adapted brilliantly.
If you want to keep the baby then please flush those tablets and talk to the MW you’ll be assigned to about support.
Either way I’m glad you know you need to leave him, he is a piece of shit and you deserve so much better.
As above, please contact women’s aid and get your locks changed, I’m sure they will be able to help.

BeccaB1981 · 13/07/2020 16:00

are you in the UK?

leave him, keep your baby, get away from him with your DD ASAP>

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

mencken · 13/07/2020 16:01

you do have choices. Get rid of him, with legal help if needed to keep him away from you.

if you don't want to abort, don't. That is also your choice. But you MUST get this man away from you, and also from your child who does not have a choice. He isn't a great dad. He is an awful person.