To not want family to hold my newborn

[PC7102]

I’m due to give birth this month and am not comfortable with anyone apart from my husband and necessary healthcare staff (midwives, doctors etc) holding my newborn. However my family seem to think that they should be able to hold my baby and keep asking me if they will be able to and when they can which is making me really irritated.
AIBU not letting my family hold my child? Are they BU for assuming they should able to?

Note: my family have not been socially distancing between themselves (multiple households) for months and some work outside the home

When they ask, shut the conversation down immediately. Tell them you aren't sure, but when they can hold the baby, they'll be told.

Tell them you know that they have not been socially distancing so unless they entirely self isolate for two weeks you won’t let them hold your child until they get their first set of jags. That gives you at least 6 weeks to think of the next way to stall.

Tell them they can when the 1 meter rule is suspended. Next year sometime.

As above.
Tell them that you’ll let them know and that you’re following the advice of midwives and health visitors.
All good wishes to you.

First baby? 😂😂 Once you have the second you’ll be practically juggling them and dying for someone, anyone, to take them away to give you a rest!

Tell them you’ll reassess when your baby hs had their first jabs.

Why don't you want them to hold your baby?

You are not being unreasonable at all so long as in a couple of months you are not pissing and moaning because your family don't seem interested in your baby.

Mumsnet is the ONLY place I have ever heard people saying they don't want visitors or family holding their baby.
Why don't you want the people who love you to share in your joy?

Just laugh disbelievingly when they say they want to hold him and say ‘Yeah, I’ll decide that, thanks.’

Coronavirus or not. No one has a right to your baby, you let people hold them when you're ready to.

You're so right op. Monsters thinking they are allowed to love a new family member and touch them. They will be lucky to be sent a photo, after all it's YOUR BABY.

I would move house and not tell them tbh. That will teach the grabby bastards.

Are people seriously asking WHY op doesn’t want people holding her newborn? Where have you been? 🤔

Very tough decision OP I am 35 weeks pregnant and also worried about this.

Has everyone genuinely forgotten about the little pandemic happening right now?! 😂

Why don't you want them to hold your baby?

Erm, there’s kind of a pandemic.

Not unreasonable OP. I had DD2 in April. Waited until she was 11 weeks to see family (socially distanced) and only recently let them hold her, with a face mask on. Will probably ease up on that soon but due to their jobs (care work etc) and in laws not social distancing from other people we decided to wait until she was a bit older.

Some of the answers on here are worrying. The pandemic has not gone away.
Why have they been mixing households for months? Ridiculous. This is totally up to you op and I would be worried in your position.

Another post 🙄

You are not being unreasonable - especially if they haven’t been socially distancing. Completely understand why you’d be concerned. Our midwives last year mentioned on numerous occasions that a newborn does not need to be passed around and that it’s much better for the baby to be with the parents.

Agree with posters above - shut it down as early as you can, or suggest they self isolate for 2 weeks. Reinforce that you are taking the advice from your medical practitioners.

Our midwives suggested that if you had visitors then do skin on skin time with baby and wrap them under your top/dressing gown, so even if you don’t plan on breastfeeding, most people will tend to stay away from being nosy at baby at least as they see something is happening but won’t want to disturb! Equally, you may get to a point you want them to hold baby but as long as it’s when you as parents decide are comfortable! Hope that helps x

@ohnana

You are not being unreasonable - especially if they haven’t been socially distancing. Completely understand why you’d be concerned. Our midwives last year mentioned on numerous occasions that a newborn does not need to be passed around and that it’s much better for the baby to be with the parents.

Agree with posters above - shut it down as early as you can, or suggest they self isolate for 2 weeks. Reinforce that you are taking the advice from your medical practitioners.

Our midwives suggested that if you had visitors then do skin on skin time with baby and wrap them under your top/dressing gown, so even if you don’t plan on breastfeeding, most people will tend to stay away from being nosy at baby at least as they see something is happening but won’t want to disturb! Equally, you may get to a point you want them to hold baby but as long as it’s when you as parents decide are comfortable! Hope that helps x

Omg. Last paragraph is genius! You have got to share this idea widely!

Is your DP backing you up on this? I think you will feel better if he is willing to help you bat people away.

I think they will take longer to bond with the baby if they are not allowed to hold/cuddle but you are not saying forever. It’s just a few weeks. Don’t let anyone pressurise you into anything. Remind them there’s a pandemic and you are trying to protect your baby and you would appreciate some support

Erm, there’s kind of a pandemic.

Yes but at this point visitors are allowed.

Is it just your family who won’t hold them, what about your DH family? If they can because they are social distancing maybe you can use them as a role model for yours. Get them to take things seriously from now until at least two-three weeks after the baby is born and see how that goes.

@gotothecooler

Erm, there’s kind of a pandemic.

Yes but at this point visitors are allowed.

And supposed to maintain a 2m distance

And supposed to maintain a 2m distance

Ah. My mistake.

Although surely if that is the rule OP can simply tell people that? It doesn't matter what they think, OP can just reiterate she is following the guidelines.

Yanbu. The guidance is still to keep a distance apart.