“I’m just doing this for you”

[Irre247]

Blitzing the house today, fairish division of labour but OH is so slow so he had the baby in between feeds and I concentrated on cleaning, he did the bathroom while she slept but I did most of the rest of the house.

We’re stood in the kitchen and he says “I’ll wipe the sides over for you”

“For me?”

“Yeah, well, I’m not doing bit for myself am I and if I don’t do it you’ll have to so I’m doing it for you”

AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t announce I’m cleaning for him, I just do it cause it needs doing. He does the same with putting washing away and he’ll announce he’s done it and wait for a thank you, if I say nothing he repeats himself. Just get on with it if it needs doing!!

I'd have asked him if he never uses the kitchen sides then

I’d make a massive song and dance about anything I ever did again.
I’ve washed your clothes for you.
I’ve made dinner for you.
I’ve changed the bedclothes for you.
I”ve done the shopping for you.
I’ve made breakfast for you.
I’ve raised your kids for you.

I mean, endless lists! He’s an idiot saying this, it benefits him as well as you. Make him understand this.

He is trying to say that housework is ultimately your responsibility, not his.

Mine does this. I walk around banging on, I've fed your children for you, I've picked up the kids pants off the floor FOR YOU, I've washed all this laundry FOR YOU, I've done the banking FOR YOU, I go on and on as I'm can be a bit of a dick and so I do soooo much more than he does, and he's learning not to say this.

I hate this op! You haven't done it for me, you've done it for us. We all live here, we all make mess. We all clean, end of story. Don't like it, do your own cooking, cleaning and washing... For YOU.

He just said “What do you think of the bathroom?” I said “What do you think Of the rest of the house?” so he looked at me confused and said “But the bathroom is sparkling isn’t it”

There is no hope!

Tell him you'll get him a sticker chart! Seriously, this really annoys me when men do this. YANBU OP, not at all.

YANBU, my DH says this to wind me up but I'd be furious with him if he was serious and genuinely meant it.

Absolutely start doing this for everything you do. Every little thing. Exactly what someone else said, all housework is your responsibility and hes doi g you a favour by doing it for you.

The other day my husband said “guess it’s my turn to take the bins out again then eh?!” He laughed and then saw my face. I currently have a really bad back and am in max pain killers. Looked him in the eye and asked when he last cleaned the toilet, the shower, hovered.. “yeah good point” he said with his tail between him legs as he emptied the bin 🤪

DH does this. It boils my piss. I send him this picture at least once a month.

YANBU. I’d lose the plot if my DH carried on like that. I agreed to be his wife, not his domestic staff.
I’d go with PPs advice and start making announcements every single time you perform any sort of domestic task for him.
Hopefully he’s switched on enough for the penny to eventually drop

I too would lose the absolute plot. This is not ok. At 20 my dh would say this kind of thing but he’s not so stupid he hasn’t learnt. I definitely have done the list the things I have done for you in return. If you do it consistently for a few days they get pretty miffed. At which point you get confused and say I thought you’d be over the moon at the sheer amount of stuff I do for YOU. But since you don’t appreciate it, 50/50 from now on, I just washed my last mans odd sock so this is a red letter day.

I pulled DH up on this once. It made him think and he hasn't done it since. Luckily for him

That's definitely a pic to save and use as required!

This would infuriate me

I hate cleaning and domestic chores, so I point out every time I’ve done something as I like getting the praise and I childishly feel like I hate doing it, so I should be praised. I actually say ‘tell me well done’ 😂

To be fair, my DP lived alone for over 20 years before I moved in and does more than his fair share around the house, but still always thanks me for doing something, usually without being prompted/asked and happily does chores without needing to be promoted/praised!

He also hates football and bought me a car recently. I’m very lucky.

This is like men who “babysit” their own kids for “the wife”.

slow clap

My husband used to say, "what's for dinner?" Every single time I would say, "why are you asking me?" He got it eventually! I have no patience for this shit. We're a team. We do things for the team. He's actually learning to cook at the moment so he's doing a lot more cooking than I am!

My DH is the same. It makes me so angry. I blame his mum for not bringing him up to realise that housework is not just a woman’s responsibility.

Don’t do vast majority of his share of the cleaning because he’s ‘slow’: halve the work and do your half. if his share then takes him all day, so be it! Get on with your day.

Also take a hard look at who’s doing what and If it’s unfair, change it up. If this confirms he’s sexist and unwilling to do his fair share, reflect on that

So by cleaning he’s doing you a favour. Right.

You know why he should clean? Because he fucking lives there.

The share of the cleaning you describe was not at all ‘fairish’. You fell into the trap of rewarding ‘incompetence’.

My DH did this so I started telling my DH every time I cleaned something and saying I’d done it for him - he stopped doing it fairly quickly.

"Il shut that door for you sylvie"