“I’m just doing this for you”

[Irre247]

Blitzing the house today, fairish division of labour but OH is so slow so he had the baby in between feeds and I concentrated on cleaning, he did the bathroom while she slept but I did most of the rest of the house.

We’re stood in the kitchen and he says “I’ll wipe the sides over for you”

“For me?”

“Yeah, well, I’m not doing bit for myself am I and if I don’t do it you’ll have to so I’m doing it for you”

AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t announce I’m cleaning for him, I just do it cause it needs doing. He does the same with putting washing away and he’ll announce he’s done it and wait for a thank you, if I say nothing he repeats himself. Just get on with it if it needs doing!!

He is trying to say that housework is ultimately your responsibility, not his.
This with bells on!!!
My son said this once when he was 14.
He and his girlfriend hovered up when I had gone out.
I felt a bit mean but he said ' I hoovered up for you mum' and the reply was ' you didnt do it for me, you did it because it needed doing and you live here!!!
I have to say the girlfriend looked shocked at my response but he has never uttered such garbage again.
if your DH meant what he said he is a bloody big man child!!!

I was looking for that picture for you of all the reasons men should do housework, because they fucking live there. I hope you treated his comment with the contempt it deserves

Ah this gets on my tits, my fiance does he shopping at the mo and he will get some ready prepared items like chopped baged veg ect and say 'I thought I'd make your life easier'
Yes thankyou but what would make my life easier if you took the initiative to do the cooking sometimes too.

DJ always says things like ‘I’ve emptied the dishwasher’ and waits for praise. I’ve started to do the same so now it’s a joke. One of us will do something ‘I’ve emptied the dishwasher AND put the dirty stuff in! Praise me, praise me good!’ The other one will then say ‘Wow great job! You did so good!’ All very sarcastically! I used to call DH ‘half a job (surname) he’d empty the dishwasher but not refill it, do the washing but not hang it up etc.

Yes thankyou but what would make my life easier if you took the initiative to do the cooking sometimes too.

I hope you say that to him.

He shouldn’t do it to ‘make her life easier’, he should do it because he’s a decent, contributing adult member of the household.

For gods sake pesimistic tell him that. Turn around and say oh good pre chopped veggies will help you cook it and go for a walk.

He sounds like a dickhead. My partner says that but we don't live together and it still bothers me as it's part his mess so yes he should wipe it. Rude men.

@Cherrysoup

I’d make a massive song and dance about anything I ever did again. I’ve washed your clothes for you. I’ve made dinner for you. I’ve changed the bedclothes for you. I”ve done the shopping for you. I’ve made breakfast for you. I’ve raised your kids for you.

I mean, endless lists! He’s an idiot saying this, it benefits him as well as you. Make him understand this.

haha tried this with DH, and i get "theres a good girl". Infuriating! Wouldnt change him though.

I don't know why this is an issue, because you will find.that lots of men say this very same thing, and there is no use in saying anything about it.

I don't know why this is an issue, because you will find.that lots of men say this very same thing, and there is no use in saying anything about it.
Utter bollocks!
Never once in 30 years has dh 'done housework for me' Dh does housework everyday because he lives in a house.
My dad has never said it to mum. He can see when a cup needs putting away or a bed needs changing.Hes not stupid or lazy nor does he expect others to pick up after him.
I made sure my lads realise if they Iive somewhere they contribute to the running of the place since they were early teens. No if , no buts.
It's not a man thing at all.
All these posters putting up with laziness or not saying anything and allow yourselves to be treat like maids in your own home will never get change until you demand that change takes place.

@1forAll74

I don't know why this is an issue, because you will find.that lots of men say this very same thing, and there is no use in saying anything about it.

Change can't happen when we accept the status quo

Why the fuck are we still dealing with this shit.

Because we let them. Because we marry them and we think they will change.

I was dealing with this shit in the 90s, why are we no further on in the 2020s?

LTB. It's the only way

I would have wanted to throttle him with my bare hands.

Fucking men!

My DH wrote a list entitled 12 years a slave. He never wrote another one, he's pretty good now doing his share.

DH would never come out with this bollocks. His mother on the other hand when she stayed with us said she had cleaned the kitchen and ironed his shirts for me! I looked at them all puzzled and said they weren't my shirts they were his.

@Stinkyjellycat

My DH is the same. It makes me so angry. I blame his mum for not bringing him up to realise that housework is not just a woman’s responsibility.

Such a sexist comment. Regardless of how he was raised he lives with you now. If you want to share the housework you tell him and then both of you together come up with a plan.

My DH was raised in India to not even pick up his plate after dinner - he does more than 50% of his share of the chores now because I don’t stay silent and won’t do stuff for him when he forgets.

Why on earth are you in relationships with these men? They have behaved like this from the beginning presumably so they aren't going to change now. I totally agree with notacooldad

Oops looks like you’ve married a twat.

Definitely you need a sticker chart. The more childish and patronising the better.

Seriously OP, you still ended up doing most of the work because he is "slow". This is strategic incompetence right there. He needs a massive boot up the arse and to understand that he doesn't do it "for you" he does it for himself because he lives in the house and makes mess.

I made my husband a medal once with tinfoil and a ribbon. And made a big song and dance about it. I then refused to do any work as no one gave me medals. He copped on quick after that!

I made my husband a medal once with tinfoil and a ribbon. And made a big song and dance about it. I then refused to do any work as no one gave me medals. He copped on quick after that!
What a long winded way to go about things.
Surely just saying ' stop being an entitled, selfish idiot ' should have been enough!

Yep . Mine does this as well .

Announces every little task as if I should be grateful.

OMG men! My DH lived alone for years before me met - and even did evening classes for cookery - we have been married for donkeys years, the other day he said 'shall I do breakfast' - 'yes OK' - 'how do you want your eggs?' - 'scrambled or poached, don't mind which' - ' you know I can't poach eggs.' There was a long pause then 'how do you scramble eggs?' I just looked at him and he wandered off to the kitchen. FFS he has been scrambling f**ing eggs since he was at junior school but he can't now remember? And this happens ALL THE TIME. I wonder if he has early onset Alzheimers...