For considering staying away tomorrow night

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

I am very seriously considering staying at a local B&B tomorrow night with my son 18mo and dog.
I suspect my partner will go to the pub and expect me to pick him up as this is what happened last week. He hasn't yet mentioned it and moaned a hell of a lot last week when I wouldn't pick him up as it's £17 in a taxi. For reference he hadn't asked for a lift and I was on my way back from my mums with very tired boy and feeling like utter crap with morning sickness as it's worst in the eve.

Though I'm not keen on him going to the pub and it's not too bad normally doing the drive to get him. He is awful, rude, nasty and horrid to me from as soon as I collect him until he passes out after a couple of hours.

He is out at a friends garden tonight but will sleep over in the ppl carrier. He won't do this on a Sunday night as he works.

I have really enjoyed lockdown when he has slept over every time he's had a drink as I've not had to put up with his bullying. Now the pubs are open he wants to resume the old routine but also keep the Saturday night out too.

Should I just go along with it or should I make it clear that he is to sleep over again and that I will not be here if he thinks about getting a taxi home.

Obviously I would rather he didn't go to the pub but it's not an argument worth having as he will just sit and sulk or be very stroppy

Good grief that was a long ramble. Thankyou if you made it to the end

Why are you having a second child with a man who abuses and bullies you?

Do you live together? I'd turn my phone off.

From your post, I gather he doesn’t live with you?

@NeutralJanet

Why are you having a second child with a man who abuses and bullies you?

ODFOD

What's ODFOD? I've seen that a few times

OP, why are you having another child with him? Do you live together? Of course you shouldn't pick a nasty drunk up with your child in tow, nor should you hide in a b&b with him!

I don't blame Neutral for asking that question, this happens time after time on Mumsnet I'm in an unhappy relationship, my DP doesn't pull his weight and I'm expecting another baby'. Maybe it's too late for this poster but might make someone else think.

ODFOD= oh do fuck off dear

Usually in response to a horrible question like that

You aren't the one who should be going to a B&B. He should, permanently.

What is your living situation. Please tell me it's your name on the deeds / tenancy!!

Ship has sailed with regards to second baby so it's a moot point but yes it is disappointing to hear so many women going on to have subsequent children with men they know are utter cunts.

Both nights on a weekend he abuses you when not in lockdown

Obviously time to think about leaving

Yes, it's an argument worth having

I am afraid I would be asking the same thing. Why would you want DC with someone who is a bully until they pass out after drinking too much.

Would you recommend your daughter to have children with a partner like that?

Firstly You shouldn’t have to go and get him; waking a presumably sleeping child and when you aren’t feeling well. Even before DH and I had DC we only ever did lifts like that as one offs and once we had DC it wasn’t even considered.
Secondly his behaviour when he comes home isn’t ok and he can’t blame it on alcohol; he’s in control of it by the sheer fact that if he didn’t drink it wouldn’t happen. I’d be considering more than a b&b. Just to add to that as an after thought he hasn’t really been taking keeping you safe as a pregnant woman if he’s been staying over at peoples houses.

Stay out permanently. He sounds vile.

Actually the baby was a complete surprise. I was on the pill but also taking naproxen, amytriptaline, lanzoprazole and pregabalin for sciatica bsometjing obviously went very wrong with my contraception. I'm not in the best of health for being pregnant and my partner can be an arse. I'm not comfortable with a termination so please do t even suggest it.

Now we've cleared that up
ODFOD means oh do fuck off dear
Yes we do live together hence the need for somewhere else to stay if he wants to come home pissed. Otherwise I'd just lock the door and leave him outside.
I will start feeling nauseated and on edge as soon as he goes to the pub then pregnancy ick sets in about teatime making me feel even worse.

It doesn't feel bad enough to call abuse. It's snide comments, blaming all our relationship problems on me, moaning that I never want sex, chuntering under his breath, not listening to my answers, trying to make me do what he wants(watch telly in bed or other similar behaviour). I have got used to agreeing to doing what he wants then waiting until he falls asleep.

We are joint tennants. I start uni in September and until I get student loan payments I have no hope of surviving on my own. I am self employed but currently unable to work due to sciatica. This is one of the reasons for the career change.

He sounds awful to me. Does he have any good points?

Just as a side note, if he is sleeping in your car, and is drunk, he is committing an offence of being 'drunk in charge of a motor vehicle' which is treated along the lines of drunk driving.
This law was set to stop drunk people deciding they are sober enough to drive when they aren't. He needs to be careful!
Hope you're ok xx

It's coercive control and it's now a crime.

He stays over in our own people carrier, not in houses. We are in a very low Covid area so not worried on that front. The pub time is around 3pm until I pick up before 7pm so I can put my boy to bed when we get home.
Not that I am trying to justify his behaviour. I've been doing this for 5 years and trying to justify my stopping is hard. I said I would always pick him up when I was pregnant last time but his behaviour has changed so much on getting home now from what he was like 3 years ago.

He stays over in our own people carrier, not in houses. We are in a very low Covid area so not worried on that front. The pub time is around 3pm until I pick up before 7pm so I can put my boy to bed when we get home.
Not that I am trying to justify his behaviour. I've been doing this for 5 years and trying to justify my stopping is hard. I said I would always pick him up when I was pregnant last time but his behaviour has changed so much on getting home now from what he was like 3 years ago.

Don’t answer your phone
Don’t pick him up
He can either make his own way home, go stay in a B&B himself or he can not drink as much.

His choice

Would it be underhand of me to tip the police off to his whereabouts at 3am? If he gets the drunk driving charge I will have something concrete against him.

You're enabling his behaviour. So stop.

If he can afford a night out at the pub, he can afford the taxi home.

I don't think I'd go that far OP. Just tell him you're not doing it anymore and he needs to deal with his behaviour towards you.

If you would rather tip off the police, then I don't get why your with him? Just end the relationship and be done with it.

@Soubriquet
I think we have chatted before about this sort of situation. I used to work on a racing yard with a horse of the same name so yours stands out to me. Unfortunately not answering my phone, not picking him up and me stills being at home won't work. He would then get a taxi home later - drunker- than I would have collected him and be in the most vile mood that I don't want my son to see or hear. I really feel like I need to be away from here if he goes to the pub