For considering staying away tomorrow night

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

I am very seriously considering staying at a local B&B tomorrow night with my son 18mo and dog.
I suspect my partner will go to the pub and expect me to pick him up as this is what happened last week. He hasn't yet mentioned it and moaned a hell of a lot last week when I wouldn't pick him up as it's £17 in a taxi. For reference he hadn't asked for a lift and I was on my way back from my mums with very tired boy and feeling like utter crap with morning sickness as it's worst in the eve.

Though I'm not keen on him going to the pub and it's not too bad normally doing the drive to get him. He is awful, rude, nasty and horrid to me from as soon as I collect him until he passes out after a couple of hours.

He is out at a friends garden tonight but will sleep over in the ppl carrier. He won't do this on a Sunday night as he works.

I have really enjoyed lockdown when he has slept over every time he's had a drink as I've not had to put up with his bullying. Now the pubs are open he wants to resume the old routine but also keep the Saturday night out too.

Should I just go along with it or should I make it clear that he is to sleep over again and that I will not be here if he thinks about getting a taxi home.

Obviously I would rather he didn't go to the pub but it's not an argument worth having as he will just sit and sulk or be very stroppy

such low standards you set for yourself
If you can't leave him for yourself, you should leave for the sake of your kid. And stb kids!

@MummytoCSJH I have sent you a message.

@piscean10 @Yeahnahmum please do read the thread rather than jumping in Kate on with less than helpful statements. I know I need to leave but I can't do that tonight. I have no money and nowhere to go.

He sounds like a right cunt.

Do better for yourself and your kids.

Usually in response to a horrible question like that

Perfectly valid question, IMO.

I echo pp, staying away for one night is pointless, unless you go to your mum’s for a “visit”.

I’ll go against pp and say this is abuse, I feel bloody angry for you and he is a nasty piece of work. He shouldn’t drink if he can’t handle his alcohol without becoming abusive.

No apologies, he’s a selfish cunt. I should know ‘cos I live with one but I never kicked him out years ago as should have done. Once a cunt always a cunt. Advice from an old timer - start out on your own now! So much harder as time goes on, all the stress you suffer is not fair and wears you out, and you can survive better on your own and budget without his drinking!

He is out at a friends garden tonight but will sleep over in the ppl carrier

If the police catch him, he will be convicted of being drunk in charge of a motor vehicle. Doesn't matter who it belongs to.

This relationship sounds like a total shitshow and you're being very irresponsible bringing another DC into it.

I'd very seriously reconsider a termination in your shoes.

OP “I have no change of surviving on my own”
You have no chance of surviving with him! You do what is right and decent for your children. Your life, in turn, will improve. You are the only adult that your child and unborn baby have. Who’s going to fight for them?!

Your children didn’t ask to be born. Be a parent and put them first. Just google ‘I need to leave my partner’ and lots of charities and help will pop up.

Don’t you let your children down! It could effect them for the rest of their lives. You need to help your family live, not just exist and you are the only one who can facilitate this. Best of luck.

@NikeDeLaSwoosh
As politely as possible. FUCK OFF YOU BULLYING ARSE. there is absolutely no need for your termination comment or how irresponsible I am being. His behaviour is not my fault which is something I know but find hard enough to truly believe without people like you knocking me backwards.

No, his behaviour is not your fault, but you are making a conscious decision to subject another child to it though.

It is an irresponsible choice, and the child will suffer as a result.

Work out what you can do to leave, nobody should be in this position. It's what the benefits system is meant to cover. Women's aid or similar may be able to help

You should get your student finance a couple of weeks before you start. If you log in, there should be a page with payment dates.

It's easy for people to say you should leave, and yes, you should but you need money to do it. Claim UC as soon as possible as a single person and make a proper plan to leave or better still throw him out, sadly he's never going to get better. Getting him arrested for drunk driving would help you, tell the police about his drinking and abuse, the more that's on an offical record the better. Good luck Op

So tonight's immediate problem is solved. For the first time ever the pub is open on a Sunday and he is staying at home on the sofa watching the chase! It's antisocial but that's much better than the argument I was anticipating this turning into!! I feel a reprieve at least in the short term. Job centre tomorrow to talk about UC

That was lucky Op, good luck with the job centre

It's good that you've got the uni place but how are you going to manage the course with a young baby as well? What's the plan for that?

If the police catch him, he will be convicted of being drunk in charge of a motor vehicle. Doesn't matter who it belongs to

No he won’t. If it’s parked and the keys aren’t in the ignition there’s no basis for a charge and no prospect of a prosecution. As for the rest of that comment - I have no words.

It doesn't feel bad enough to be abuse

You are planning on staying in a B&B rather than you own home to avoid him when he is drunk. How bad does it need to get?

Hope you're ok OP X

@DaffodilsAndDandelions you continued having sex with an abusive man you were planning to leave. You need to accept some responsibility for that instead of using foul language to posters who point out maybe you shouldn’t be selfishly bringing a innocent baby into an abusive situation. The poor baby.

continued having sex with an abusive man is not something to berate the OP for. He's an abusive shit. Maybe it was safer for OP to have sex with him than not.

These kinds of comment are out of order.