to ask DD's keyworker if she'll babysit overnight?

[JammyGem]

DD (20 months) has been at nursery for nearly a year, and is incredibly close to her keyworker - they've been called 'best friends' and the 'terrible twosome' etc. by other staff DD was over the moon to see her again when the nursery reopened last month.

DH and I have won an overnight stay in a few months' time (covid-depending of course) for the two of us but we don't really know anyone in our city who could look after DD overnight. Would it be weird to ask DD's keyworker if she'd be able to babysit for us? We'd obviously pay her and sort out everything, but I didn't know if it went against nursery etiquette? She's so lovely and really good with DD so I don't want to make her uncomfortable at all. It's just that the only other people who could look after DD are my parents on the other side of the country, and I'd feel much more comfortable having someone she (and we) know looking after her.

I've checked the nursery policy and it just says that any arrangements are personal and they aren't liable.

I'm probably massively overthinking this. Are you even allowed to have someone babysit overnight? It would be a much-needed break for me and DH, but DD obviously has to come first so I want to do right by her.

It's 100 percent fine to ask. She'll probably be glad of the cash, nursery pay is awful.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. When I was a guide leader at 18, one family approached me as a regular babysitter and all was good. Bonus was that my guide and her little sister who was a brownie knew me and already saw me as an authority figure so were super well behaved, and even though I was still an A level student I was DBS checked.

Go for it!

I wouldn’t. She may be embarrassed that you think she needs extra money or is ‘for hire’, and tbh I wouldn’t have left my child with a non family member. I’m probably being unreasonable though, as I know my friends would mostly think this is ok.

Yea could be perfect way for them to make some extra cash. No harm in asking

Personally I'd feel really uncomfortable asking and I feel I'd be overstepping boundaries.
If I was the keyworker I'd also feel really awkward.

Definitely worth asking. One of the nursery staff at our nursery is our babysitter (we've known her nearly 7 years since eldest was in nursery - she's in Y2 now). I don't personally think I'd ask her to do an overnight because I think it would be quite a lot for her in particular. But there is no harm in asking. The most she can do is say no. It shouldn't be an issue with the nursery, I don't think. We asked the nursery manager if she knew anyone who did babysitting who she would trust (not to imply that person would be one of her staff), but she was really happy to recommend this person and she was really keen to do it.

She may be embarrassed that you think she needs extra money or is ‘for hire’,

That would be an odd thing to think. OP wouldn't ask someone to babysit because she thinks they need money, it would be because they're trusted.
The issue I think might be that she feels obligated to say yes when she might not want to. That would depend on the relationship you have with her and how you word it I think, but I don't think there's any issue with it in principle.

My relative worked in a nursery and regularly babysat the children for extra cash

I babysat for parents when I worked at a nursery but it was twenty years ago so not sure if they are allowed these days. Worth checking. It was well paid on comparison to my nursery nurse wage. I wouldn’t have been embarrassed by being asked. Just don’t assume she will say yes, she may have another job or responsiblities outside that job.

We did - two of the nursery staff became our babysitters and also we arranged that if there was a problem and we couldn’t get to nursery in time for pickup, they would take DT’s home with them. It was a private arrangement between us and them although we did let the nursery manager know.

I would find out if she does babysitting before you ask she might be glad to get away from the kids and have no desire to have a second job.

I asked and they said yes they regularly do it (not sure about overnight though). I asked in a general 'do any of the nursery staff ever do babysitting outside of nursery' way and would have been fine if she has said no. I don't see how it would make anyone uncomfortable, unless you asked you expected it! Go for it. Most nurseries will have a few staff who are more than happy to do it for some extra cash. I'd maybe get her to babysit one evening while you go out locally just to make sure everything goes smoothly before attempting overnight though. Also it will cost you a lot for overnight as its normally by the hour with extra past 11 or something

When I worked in a nursery (20+ plus years ago) I would have done this, but the owner wouldn’t let staff babysit for nursery families. Her reasons Were the she didn’t want us becoming close to the families and them finding out any of the nurseries problems.

As nursery workers pay is generally low, an overnight babysitting job would probably be welcome. Make it clear when you ask she isn’t obligated to say yes, but you are asking because you trust her. She might have her own policy about babysitting (some nursery staff don’t), but if she has nothing else planned she might not mind doing it at all.

It's fine. Iv used 3 different daycares over the years and staff in each one have done private babysitting and overnight arrangements.

We did when our son was small, he loved her, she was fab, dbs checked and appreciative of the extra cash. No harm in asking. At worst she can just say no.

How lovely to have won a night away to look forward too. Perhaps rather than ask her directly, you could mention your win and see how the conversation develops.

YANBU. Totally standard for nursery staff to do some babysitting on the side.

Totally fine! You can ask if there is anything in her contract that would stop her - but if she’s ok and you are ok - then go for it!

I would ask at first if they do babysitting outside of nursery. If the answer is yes then maybe ask her to do a few evenings and work your way up to asking over night.
If the answer is no, then there's no need for anyone to feel akward as you only asked if babysitting is allowed.
Definitely dont jump straight in and mention the overnight

Nursery staff are often up for babysitting on the side though I'm not sure about overnight. Do you have a spare room?

No harm in asking! Our babysitter is from DC's daycare and is awesome. We haven't used her overnight (yet) but she offers the service, though it needs to be booked well in advance to fit in with her shifts at work

Could you ask her to babysit for an evening or 2 and build up to overnight?

When I worked in a nursery we all did this, nursery pay is rubbish so it was great to have the top up cash.

A relationship close enough that everyone was commenting would have been totally discouraged in my nursery though. Its makes it so difficult with sick days, staff changes, moving up in the nursery, and also other parents thinking children are being favouritised so I'm pretty surprised it has been allowed to get to that point.

Our nursery has always had staff who are willing to babysit. Friends who have used it usually ask the manager which nursery nurses do it and then they can approach them directly.

It's not unreasonable to ask, at all. Nursery staff are paid a shocking wage. But if she's agreeable, maybe do a couple of day time sessions first? Just so she can get an idea of how your home runs, and how your child is when out of nursery.