AIBU or are my family cheeky?

[Logiclady94]

Hi all, just wanted some advice on whether my DP and I are BU and Grabby or are my family being CF’s. Basically long story short some members of my family are asking my DP to use his job/skills to build them products. Products which would help with their businesses (don’t want to be outing) but they don’t want to pay the price whenever we mention what it roughly could be on average for an average product (they’ve even said they don’t want anything too fancy) They’ve scoffed at the price and said that they have got similar products currently with not as good quality for a massive fraction of the price and it hardly does any of the stuff they’ve asked him to include. He would also manage and maintain which would save them loads of admin time.

So the current situation that is due to Covid he was let go and our bills mean that we need about
a couple of hundred to maintain our current outgoings (so we wouldn’t be making any profit) and so we suggested again if they still want the products he’d do it for a massive fraction of the price literally the price of our outgoings and they’ve still scoffed in a way.

I am sorry but AIBU in thinking that they are being cheeky and if we asked them for what they were looking to pay than they wouldn’t get anything because most businesses that operated the same products would laugh them out of the room but because they see him as family they think it’s okay to do it for free basically.

Or am I being unreasonable and do I sound grabby? I really hope I don’t but I just don’t want DP to be taken advantage off

[PanamaPattie]

Nope. CFs.

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

Don't do it - favours for family will end up costing him money for hosting, or they'll want ongoing tweaks, support, changes....

Don't ask me what my other half does for a living, it would be too outing. (cough - website designer - cough).

[frazzledasarock]

I work in a field many people need.

I’ve made it a rule to only ever give a ten percent discount on my hourly rate.

It’s my experience that people really do not value what they get cheaply or free.

In your shoes I’d suggest you stop all discussion about doing this job for relatives. And if they ask about it you tell them the price, the full price. If you don’t value your own skill don’t expect anyone else to.

If they say the can get it cheaply elsewhere, tell them OK then and let them get on with it.

[Logiclady94]

@SunshineCake- I genuinely mean thank you by the way I wasn’t being sarcastic. Sorry if it came across like that. I am hurt by gutentag1’s comment because i get it is a popular business but I thought my family would at least respect that he works very hard and is offering to manage and maintain, update new contact etc for pittance. His last role had him doing a specialist version of the role too so he feels it is a massive kick in the teeth but he wants them to think he is worthy of our family and he doesn’t want to disappoint (which he already feels he has done by losing his job)

The worst thing is we bought a product from one of the family members business and they charged us

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

I don't know what it is about websites that makes people take the piss but they do.

There is paid work out there at the moment - lots of businesses adapting to new way of working, wanting to set up e-commerce, improve their sites or even get one in the first place. Tell the cheeky family to pay up or shut up.

[Billben]

@BeccaB1981

op actually i think you need to wade in and protect your DH in this.

it's really not on for them to be exploiting him work-wise like this.

if anyone did this to my DH, never mind family, i'd be fucking livid.

Definitely this. Because it’s YOUR family, your other half might feel a bit more obliged to give in to them. But because it’s your family, you can tell them to jog on.
I’d be insulted of my relatives behaved this way knowing my circumstances.

[Billben]

but he wants them to think he is worthy of our family and he doesn’t want to disappoint (which he already feels he has done by losing his job) 😲

You need to step in and sort your family out or the bastards will just guilt trip your other half into doing it.

[Logiclady94]

They want all sorts of systems which would require someone to update with information, calendar bookings, e-commerce etc.

One of the family members has a social media site and they’ve since said it does everything they need to and more so we won’t be needed. But yet they are struggling to find the time to maintain it and update it and they are doing it during the day at their normal office job whereas partner could update and maintain for them, set up email links and everything

[Aveisenim]

@Logiclady94

They want all sorts of systems which would require someone to update with information, calendar bookings, e-commerce etc.

One of the family members has a social media site and they’ve since said it does everything they need to and more so we won’t be needed. But yet they are struggling to find the time to maintain it and update it and they are doing it during the day at their normal office job whereas partner could update and maintain for them, set up email links and everything

I absolutely hate using companies that only have a facebook account. Not everyone uses facebook, I have an account but my use of it is minimal and if I can't find a way to contact someone without going through facebook, I generally won't use them! So they'll be losing out on plenty of custom by being so pigheaded and CF's.

They're cutting off their nose to spite their face.

[Inertia]

This will only end in hassle- I agree with the poster who said that you need to protect your partner from your family. Let your family members use their own choice of service, and give your partner support with finding a new role- don't allow him to be pressure into doing a lot of free work for people who will still moan about it.

[OhCaptain]

@Logiclady94 ah gotcha! Sorry, I did read it as him charging full price from the get go.

I say this gently but it reads like you and your dp are reading a LOT into this, and attaching hidden meanings and personal slights to their behaviour.

I'm sure it's not that he's not good enough - it's just that they don't want to pay! A lot of people think "fiddling around on a computer" is child's play and don't really rate it.

Plus, the family member who can update social media herself - I actually understand not wanting to spend money when you don't have to, don't you? Mightn't be what your dp can do but if it's sufficient and free surely it's just good sense to do it?

All I'm saying is it might not be as personal as you think.

But I certainly wouldn't waste anymore time on it. They've said no. I'd just leave it now. Let him concentrate on freelance work or looking for another job.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

it is a popular business but I thought my family would at least respect that he works very hard and is offering to manage and maintain, update new contact etc for pittance

I know he meant it well, but it was probably a mistake to offer them 50% off and an even bigger one to suggest working "for a pittance". Generally people take others at their own estimation and with CFers like these it's even worse, as you're sadly finding out

Overall he'd be wise never to offer them his services again - at ANY price

[KeepingPlain]

For their cheekiness, I'd up it to full price and if they don't like it, tell them to find someone else to do the work.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

They sound like CFs and rather arrogant and the more your partner went into this - the more work would be involved in him bringing them up to date. I hope he finds something reasonable soon.

[NewPapaGuinea]

I’ve always thought “mates rates” as really strange. You’re literally saying you would pay a complete stranger more than a friend/family.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

@NewPapaGuinea

I’ve always thought “mates rates” as really strange. You’re literally saying you would pay a complete stranger more than a friend/family.

I have a plumber friend who does mates rates. But the deal is that he does it when he can fit you in. Emergencies and jobs with a deadline he will charge full rate for as he needs to book out the time as he would for anyone else. Same with an old electrician friend of exDH's (I was more gutted to lose him in the split than ex but then anyone who chooses a team in a divorce is a dick anyway....)

[OhCaptain]

@PyongyangKipperbang same here.

[Logiclady94]

@OhCaptain- yeah don’t get me wrong if you can avoid spending the money but when they complain about never having the time to do anything and that they are constantly having to respond to emails and update their page with information then they complain that it is too expensive for family to do it for them and be on call to do it then what can you do 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Logiclady94]

This particular family has a day job too working long shifts day and night with two small children. The social media aspect isn’t organised at all either, they are always saying they wish they had a page which could schedule bookings and payments. They could do live videos and updates of their business. The family member is looking to expand the business into other areas which people would pay and do bookings for.. their website would need to be busy but well built to run it all efficiently.. then there are mobile versions etc.

The social media page would not be able to do everything that they want to do with their business not without looking unprofessional. There is only so much that Facebook etc can do

[TARSCOUT]

Ahh, I see. I think they may feel that you were originally being greedy knowing that you are now able to do it much çheaper as they'll only see the £££. I'll be honest he should just not bother if he isn't making money. Not worth the hassle as he'll end up stuck with it when he gets another job.

[Youcunnyfunt]

I knew it was websites from your first post

There is a misconception that anyone can build a website, a bit like anyone can be a photographer...

My answer is, go on, then, do it yourself for free and don’t ask me for help because I spent time and money learning my skills, so I expect to be compensated... if it’s so easy (and cheap! It’s not cheap!) then do it yourself.

You should never ever have offered to do it for cost (it sounds like you might even lose money?). That time needs to be spent finding an actual paid job.

[MinnieJackson]

I haven't read the full thread but I think if it was my family we would probably do it for cost and then give £50 or something even though neither party could afford it. I realise how stupid that sounds btw but my dad's still gives £20 to the postman and gunmen each Christmas

[Logiclady94]

@MinnieJackson- it doesn’t sound stupid at all. It’s just I would never ask someone to use their skills to assist in my business to then scoff at the price. He told them how much something of what the quality and design and services they wanted would be and said that to build completely he’d only charge them 50% of the final bill cost then going forward any on call changes or maintenance would be done at 50% too. For reference the family member who uses social media to advertise updates about 10 times a day at the moment. This family member has a very very high paying day job and this business is run on the side. I could have maybe see him do the build for cost and not charge them anything but to maintain I’d expect him to get some kind of payment as it would be long term management

My other family member is completely self employed so I can see why they may not be able to afford it as their income fluctuates depending on business.

I think it’s that they don’t see his skills as worthy of payment when the family member with the day job just did up the complete house in one go and the partner runs the business from the house which when they’ve stock in can go for over £1000 each so some months between them can make around £12000. I know there will be expenses and things in order to run the home business but still... plus we’ve told them about his job so you think they’d want to help us out by using his services for practically free whilst he is unemployed. They would have him basically on call for updates and such whilst he was unemployed.

[Whatdoyouthinkaboutthisone]

My DH is a tradesman and he has a rule not to do mates rates. He does work for his parents for free and they pay for the actual cost of parts only. Otherwise he charges friends and family a fair price prearranged before the work starts. Nobody has ever said anything like these CF’s have, in fact if they did my DH would have various choice words to share with them!
I know your DP is in a different situation but why should he give up his own time to do this work and not get paid? It is wrong on every level and he should be valued much more. I would say if they can do it themselves or get someone else to do it much cheaper then let them jog on. Don’t feel guilty in the slightest and be much firmer in future with trying to do favours for CF’s like this.
I am sorry to hear you have a financial shortfall, has your DP been able to apply for furlough money? Sorry if I’ve missed anything in your posts, this might not be applicable to his circumstances.

[GnomeDePlume]

YANBU

As a PP said people who get something for free dont value it.

When DH was an electrician certain family members acted as though they were doing him a massive favour in getting him to quote for jobs which they had no intention of getting done.