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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or are my family cheeky?

78 replies

Logiclady94 · 10/07/2020 16:20

Hi all, just wanted some advice on whether my DP and I are BU and Grabby or are my family being CF’s. Basically long story short some members of my family are asking my DP to use his job/skills to build them products. Products which would help with their businesses (don’t want to be outing) but they don’t want to pay the price whenever we mention what it roughly could be on average for an average product (they’ve even said they don’t want anything too fancy) They’ve scoffed at the price and said that they have got similar products currently with not as good quality for a massive fraction of the price and it hardly does any of the stuff they’ve asked him to include. He would also manage and maintain which would save them loads of admin time.

So the current situation that is due to Covid he was let go and our bills mean that we need about
a couple of hundred to maintain our current outgoings (so we wouldn’t be making any profit) and so we suggested again if they still want the products he’d do it for a massive fraction of the price literally the price of our outgoings and they’ve still scoffed in a way.

I am sorry but AIBU in thinking that they are being cheeky and if we asked them for what they were looking to pay than they wouldn’t get anything because most businesses that operated the same products would laugh them out of the room but because they see him as family they think it’s okay to do it for free basically.

Or am I being unreasonable and do I sound grabby? I really hope I don’t but I just don’t want DP to be taken advantage off

OP posts:

BeccaB1981 · 10/07/2020 17:01

"DP can do it as his experience"....

that's what piss takeers say,

just like when people say "oooh it'll be good for your portfolio"

or "you can use me as a reference"

or "you can showcase your work"

or whatever.

it's just piss taking.

BeccaB1981 · 10/07/2020 17:03

op actually i think you need to wade in and protect your DH in this.

it's really not on for them to be exploiting him work-wise like this.

if anyone did this to my DH, never mind family, i'd be fucking livid.

katy1213 · 10/07/2020 17:04

Tell them he's now freelance and charging market rates. They've missed their moment.

Jaxhog · 10/07/2020 17:07

They want your DH to help them with doing things for their businesses, and are not prepared to pay the market rate? They clearly don't value what your DH can do. Let him find someone who does.

Absolutely, they are CFs.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/07/2020 17:20

They wanted it for free and now dont when it is clear that they are going to have to put their hands in their pockets.

They are like the CF's who offer to take a cake from a cake maker "for exposure".

If he can make that sort of money, what is stopping him going freelance proper?

Leflic · 10/07/2020 17:22

Cut of their profits or jog on...

monkeymonkey2010 · 10/07/2020 17:23

So basically your family don't care that your income has reduced sand that you're struggling to make ends meet?
They don't even want to pay you the mates-rates so you can afford to cover your bills?????

They are more than just cheekyfuckers - they're greedy, entitled, selfish and obviously don't really give a shit about YOU.

monkeymonkey2010 · 10/07/2020 17:24

and make sure any work your DP does for them is paid fully upfront - otherwise he won't see any of it.....

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/07/2020 17:27

Don’t do it. Withdraw any offers you have already made. Your family are grabby and you will have no end of guilt tripping moaning and abuse from them if your DH even lifts a finger to do any work for them.

Sparklfairy · 10/07/2020 17:28

It's websites isn't it

Speaking from experience, loads of people want a website. They are daunted at the idea of doing a website (rightly so). Yet for some reason they hate paying for the skills needed to make one that functions.

There's an analogy I read once about a nuclear reactor that failed. They brought in an expert who spent 5 mins looking around all the knobs and dials, reached out and turned one, and the problem was fixed and the reactor came back on. He sent an invoice for £10,000 and went on his way. When the manager queried the invoice, 'you were only here five minutes' etc and asked for a breakdown, the expert duly sent it. It said:

Turning of dial £1
Knowledge of which dial to turn £9999

I've never forgotten that. Don't let people devalue you or your knowledge, because let's face it, if they really could do a flashy website that will save them admin time, they would just do it.

Please, please don't let your DP do ANY work for them, and I mean ever. Even if you managed to get a decent rate out of them, they will bitch and moan and expect priority support because they're 'family'.

VettiyaIruken · 10/07/2020 17:29

Bad idea. No matter how little he charges, he'll still be the bad guy. Then you have to actually get the money off them!

If they are moaning about the price tell them they should go find someone who can do it for the price they want.

LouiseTrees · 10/07/2020 17:33

Tell them he’s looking for a paid job and devoting all his time to that since he lost his job and so it turns out he can’t do it anymore for them. That way they will hopefully quit pestering for it free.

Original poster

Logiclady94 · 10/07/2020 17:39

Thank you for the replies! There was me thinking that maybe I was thinking what my DP does every day should mean the sun shines out of his arse or something.

We have little to no money compared to what my family makes and practically everyone is self employed and or are in high paid roles so I was worried that I was expecting too much but we researched his role and what he can do and so we originally felt 50% would be fair and reasonable but they seemed to laugh it off.

I worry that they see us as below them in the financial chain because I work a no skilled full time job doing 9-5 hours & he chose to do set hours doing his services for an agency instead of going self employed like they all are and now we aren’t allowed to play with the big boys even though they require our services.

OP posts:

gutentag1 · 10/07/2020 17:40

Good job you refused to say what product it was, as your DP is one of only 1,000,000 website builders in the country. Very outing indeed.

Original poster

Logiclady94 · 10/07/2020 17:42

By the way the first line of my paragraph is because what my DP does as important and my family don’t seem too.. that comment from wasn’t me regarding people’s comments on here! You’ve all been extremely helpful.

I just don’t want DP’s talents being taken for granted and abused. I had one family member when I was younger use an ex for his services and didn’t pay him but he said you can use it in your portfolio

OP posts:

Original poster

Logiclady94 · 10/07/2020 17:43

@gutentag1- I’m sorry I don’t understand your post?

OP posts:

VettiyaIruken · 10/07/2020 17:49

They're just being snide, don't worry about it.

TARSCOUT · 10/07/2020 17:50

Sorry, I'm confused. They originally asked for a price and you said eg £1000. They said they didn't want to pay that and discussion finished. He's now out of work so you ave now contacted them to say you'll do it for £750 but they are saying no it's still too expensive. Is that right?

SunshineCake · 10/07/2020 17:50

Ignore gutentag1. They are trying to be funny while being very rude.

I wouldn't even do it for 50% now never mind 100% after their rude comments and grubbiness. Just say no. Tell them they had their chance for a bargain and their greediness has taken it all off the table.

It is easy for my dh to say no as he isn't allowed to work privately. Maybe your dh could check that..

Soubriquet · 10/07/2020 17:52

[quote Logiclady94]@gutentag1- I’m sorry I don’t understand your post?[/quote]
Easy to understand

You’re saying your dh does something which to identify would be putting

Logic is saying your dh will not be the only person on earth who does what he does, so not really outing is it

Soubriquet · 10/07/2020 17:53

*guten

blardiblabla · 10/07/2020 17:53

Massively cheeky! We have various tradesmen in our family and would NEVER expect them to do work for us for free - because it's their livelihood and them spending the time doing the work for us would prevent them doing paid work elsewhere. We all have to make a living. My BIL does lots of work for us, sometimes he refuses money, other time he charges the market rate and sometimes in between, but we would never ask for the freebies. It sounds like you have offered a very reasonable price which would save them money anyway, if they're going to turn their noses up then let them pay commercial rates!

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/07/2020 17:55

"They’ve scoffed at the price and said that they have got similar products currently with not as good quality for a massive fraction of the price and it hardly does any of the stuff they’ve asked him to include " (my bolding)

Well they can go right ahead with their cheapo version then, can't they? If they want an al-singing all-dancing version that can do what "they’ve asked him to include", then they have to pay for it.

YANBU, your family are being CFers.

Original poster

Logiclady94 · 10/07/2020 18:00

@TARSCOUT- no no various family members have been asking for products made and they only want average basic products which is fair enough, still anywhere between £500-£1000 partner said he’d do it for 50% so depending on the level and quantity, he’d charge £250-£500.

Now with him losing his job he says he will do it for £200 regardless of what level and quality they require. So they could ask for top end average and he’d still charge £200 which minus of costs and time would mean no profit. We’d just be covering our shortfall from his loss of wages

OP posts:

Original poster

Logiclady94 · 10/07/2020 18:03

@SunshineCake- oh thank you for explaining, I honestly didn’t understand their post. I originally didn’t put his product and skills because I didn’t want it to be outing but I guess their sarcastic comment is right so there are millions so my DP is obsolete to them then.

OP posts:

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