to ask if dating a woman with kids is different to dating a man with kids?

[whateveryouneed]

I have a toddler. I'm a single parent and would like to start dating again.

I see lots of threads on here where women are advised to run like the wind when faced with the prospect of dating a man with children, especially if they are young.

I'm in my 20's and always find this disheartening (even though I don't disagree necessarily).

Do men feel the same? I mean, I'm worried that the chances of me meeting someone until my child is much older are slim. Do men really want to date women with toddlers?

Feeling rather lonely.

Alot of males in their 20s are probs not used to dating women with children so don't really know what it entails, so expect alot of short relationships of around a few months, just going on dates is hardest thing, all the planning, having to be back certain times, no last minute nights out or weekend's away, you might get the odd one that wants to stay in with you and your kids on date night if can't go out but alot will just want to go out without any responsibilitys, arranging a holiday or date night is alot of effort which is an instant put off, also there is usually drama with the ex if he is still on the scene, long term you might want to move in together so if you receive any benefits and your partner receives even a modest salary he will then have to subsidise the benefits you used to receive as it is assessed on household income, some instances this is over a grand month for low earners single mums, no bloke will be happy paying out that much each month for years and years, then they will have to assume step dad responsibilitys of picking said child up from school, football practise, cubs, beavers e.t.c it be alot easier to just find a women without kids, alot less hassle and stress, there maybe the odd bloke out there who is upto the challenge but I would say they are few and far between.

I'd have never dated anyone with children but I think I'm in a minority.
There'd be no threads about blended families or stepchildren otherwise.
I was just very clear that the only child I wanted in my life was my own.

"It's easy to say I'd never get involved with someone with children. In reality if I was single and met a wonderful man I had a connection with I wouldn't kick him to the kerb because he had kids!"

I would. I don't want any children of my own so I certainly don't want to have to deal with anyone else's. I have ended relationships with men who have tried to pressure me into changing my mind. I know I'm not exactly a youngster and a lot, if not most, men will have children as I get older but frankly I'd rather be single.

I'm dating someone with a 5 yo child. I just wanted to be with him and so the kid was not a deciding factor for me either way.

If you have no child free time how are you going to date? If it's going to be a case of a man coming round to yours as basis of your relationship then that's just storing up trouble for yourself. Dating a man who already has kids seems best, especially if he's a single parent himself.

It does happen.

I’d be careful though, I sit next to a group of men in their early 30s at work, all actively internet dating. They all say that single mothers are fine for a fling but they wouldn’t look at anything serious as they don’t want to be responsible for another man’s child. Maybe single dads are the way to go, as they are in the same situation as you?

The step parenting part of MN shows that plenty of people do get together with people with children.

I personally wouldn't as having had a childhood blighted by a step parent there is no way I would risk that happening to my DS. If something happened to my DH I would stay single until my DS was an adult.

Having been stung dating two men who already had kids and it being awful, I had a child with one of these men and then I became the single parent.
I didn't need to worry though. My now fiancé (should have been husband by now - thanks Covid-19) took on my son like his own. DS was only 2 when we met, 3 when we started a relationship together and they've been inseparable ever since. I think because ds is an only child and he's always been an easy going child and well behaved, it has helped.

Having kids myself, I would FAR rather date another parent if I was single. They should get that kids come first, they'll be more understanding about the time you spend with your kids because they get it. You'll have more in common with them and you have the shared experience of being a parent (albeit with different kids). Ive seen a lot of issues on MN where someone dates a single parent then throws their toys out of the pram when they want to spend time with their own children. I couldn't bear to date someone selfish like that.

Personally I had a no under 18's rule because mine are over 18 and I didn't want to be a step parent. Both being in a similar position is what works probably though so a man with a similar aged kid would be more interested

Personally I had a no under 18's rule because mine are over 18 and I didn't want to be a step parent. Both being in a similar position is what works probably though so a man with a similar aged kid would be more interested

One of my friends has two young boys and really struggles, I feel so sorry for her as shes desperate to meet someone but says everyone is put off by her her having kids. Shes been single 6 years now 30

My husband and his friends say theres no way theyd date a woman with kids which I think is a really limiting outlook but in fairness I would avoid a man with children to unless they were adults

Hey OP. I was only just 30 and with a 9 mo when my husband walked out. I started dating about a year later and only dated guys without kids which was hard as they didn’t get it.

I misread a profile and arranged a date with a guy with a child 2years older than mine, obv not what I wanted as I was keen not to inflict ‘steps’ on DD. I went anyway as he did have good chat and nice eyes. Anyway, 3 years later I married that guy and the DC are the best of friends. Go carefully and if you’re both committed parents it can work (we got a lot of books out on how to handle introductions etc, no one met kids for over 6mo)

Was bumpy with ex’s for the 1st year. I would say set up some reliable childcare first if all as otherwise if you like someone you’ll feel pressured to meet in your home before that’s really appropriate- maybe set something up weekly now to get DC ready if you can at all?

It depends on the reason why a man is a single parent for me.

If he is a widower or the mother left and isn’t in any contact, I would have been open to it.

If he has an ex, they have to be on great terms and great at co-parenting. I do not want to be mixed up in any drama nor want that kind of stress in my life.

No wish on my part to be a step-parent.

I think it is different because of who is most likely to have children the majority of the time. Someone I know through work is a dad who is divorced from his wife and has majority time with a teenage daughter (practicality given ex-wife's work), is upfront about it when dating and has had some negative responses.

I wouldn't date a man with young children either. I've been in a relationship before with a man who had two lovely children and we became a blended family for the period we were together. Fast forward a year and he had an affair with someone else. All kids were left devastated but their mother and I managed to forge a good friendship and even take the kids in a foreign holiday. I found out before me he'd been a shit dad. I did everything for them. Current man I'm seeing, on and off for three years, never wanted children - he is childless himself and 13 years older - but is great around my kids. Tell me if they were any younger tho it wouldn't have worked so I don't know go figure that one!

Women who date men with kids usually end up picking up the childcare slack from the lazy man.

Men who date women with kids don’t become the kids full time carer.

The man will affect the mum’s benefit entitlement, so he has a responsibility to “make up” the child related benefits she has lost.
Not every single mother is living off the state welfare for her children. Quite an offensive stereotype, frankly.

Don't forget that statistically an unrelated adult male will be by far the most dangerous person in your child's life. Choose wisely.

Statistically your partner is the most likely person to kill you @RoLaren so do be careful if you’re not single yourself 🙄

Really- single mums get so much flak for dating. I’m sure OP doesn’t have ‘paedophile’ on her list of desirable traits in a life partner

I think it’s different tbh.

Women usually have the children the majority of the time whereas men see theirs maybe every other weekend.

There are women who would date a man with children but tbh you only have to look at a lot of posts on here from posters who think it’s unreasonable when their partner is expected to have his own children more than usual or God forbid they came to live there permanently. And yet a man is expected to be open to that when the woman has kids.

Personally I used to think I would want to be with someone who has kids because he would then understand what it was like for me. My DP however doesn’t have DC and I ended up with him anyway. He treats my DS well, has provided things for him in the past, has even come here to stay when I was in hospital (we don’t currently live together) and I couldn’t have asked for better.

But having looked at both the step parenting boards and also having seen others get involved with people who have children and it not work out the majority of the time if I ended back on the dating scene there is no way I would ever date a man with kids.

And no, I don’t think that makes me a hipocrit, because I’m perfectly aware that there are men who would feel the same.

@hampstead1234 that was actually my post. I was doing the hour long round trip for my exes daughter. It was awful. I left him.

It's definitely different.

I've been a step parent, an rp of my step child, have my own child and have been a step child in several different circumstances so I think my view is fairly balanced.

I think step dad's are expected to just, be there, they live with the child but imo there is no great expectation that they will do any real "parenting" like cooking, cleaning, ironing school uniform or the school run etc. I think this is because in your "together" family set up, historically, dad doesn't do those things anyway. I think step dad's get to be the fun adult ime, and that's nice generally I think.

Step mums are very different in that they don't often live with the child. I think there is an expectation of women to do all the cooking and cleaning within a household, so they tend to be expected to do this for step kids too. That is "parenting" but quite often they're expected to leave the parenting there and keep out of everything else even if it directly affects them.

It is much harder to be a step mum, generally, than a step dad.

If me and dp ever split there is no way in hell I would ever date someone with children again.

Not every single mother is living off the state welfare for her children. Quite an offensive stereotype, frankly.

Oh ffs I wasn’t stereotyping I was just saying that IF they claim benefits they will be affected. I was pointing out A difference. Am I not allowed to do that? Lots of people work and top up. Lots of people don’t work and claim benefits. It’s a reality. I didn’t say everyone. Are you always this easily offended?

There are many threads regarding maintenance and should nrp’s partner pay towards it that go on about the poor old rp’s partner and how much they have to pay towards the rp’s household because they’ve affected the rp’s benefit entitlement so it’s only right that the nrp’s partner pay too.

I’m a single parent and I’m not offended by what I said.

@Pogmella Of course, but a paedophile would have 'has a child' on their list of desirable traits in a partner.