To think there is a lot of double standards on Mumsnet

[DreamChaser23]

Take cheating for example. I have seen many posts where the men cheat and they rightfully get blamed and vilified which they should.

But when a women does the same thing some posters don't have the same outrage instead try to find every little thing to justify it.

Just cause we are the same gender as someone does not mean we support them even if someone did something wrong. Right is right and wrong is wrong. I am a BAME person just because I am BAME does that mean when a BAME person does something wrong I should ignore it and try to find justification for them?

Another is people on furlough OR benefits. "why am I working while these guys get free money"
"my neighbour is a benefit fraud he gets more than I do working"

Now some of these people who complained about those on benefits are on it and claim it is too little.

Oh they do like a pile-on.

There's an absolute double standard.

Here are some comments on a previous thread where a woman was having an affair.

Try not to be too hard on yourself .We all make mistakes and this man has been hitting on you well and truly!

You sound like you were unhappy in your marriage.

It goes without saying that your affair man doesn't think much of you if he's prepared to 'cheat' on you whilst waiting for you.

You went outside of it for a little release and distraction.

Men can and are predatory in a way women are not.They can be very selfish

Never in a million years would they're be such comments if a man posted and he was having an affair. Not a chance.

@SandyY2K I do agree with much of what you have said. It’s as if there is a bias to the person posting - when if it was the opposite it would have different results. Although - I did read that much of the evidence looking into affairs found that married men did indeed seem to have affairs often out of a sense of entitlement, and had no bearing on their relationship - and that these were primarily less involved affairs (lots of sex basically!)...
...whereas the evidence found that that the majority of married women had affairs out of an unmet emotional need, and were looking for that deep connection in their affair partner. And that the majority of affairs were by married men, not by married women.
Interesting!

[quote SummerCherry]@SandyY2K I do agree with much of what you have said. It’s as if there is a bias to the person posting - when if it was the opposite it would have different results. Although - I did read that much of the evidence looking into affairs found that married men did indeed seem to have affairs often out of a sense of entitlement, and had no bearing on their relationship - and that these were primarily less involved affairs (lots of sex basically!)...
...whereas the evidence found that that the majority of married women had affairs out of an unmet emotional need, and were looking for that deep connection in their affair partner. And that the majority of affairs were by married men, not by married women.
Interesting![/quote]
I do think, based on nothing more empirical than my own observations (like everyone else), that this is largely true.

I don't think it should be used as a get out of jail free card for female cheaters, but overall I think it's probably true at a class level.

@SummerCherry

The thing is that whatever need is not being met in the relationship, physical or emotional, it doesn't really matter. You can't place the importance of one above the other.

Women feel an emotional need is being met in an affair, but most of the time the affair partner says what she wants to hear to keep the sex coming.

She buys into all the bullsh*t...and he plays a good game by being what she says her husband isn't. That's her being a fool as fast as I'm concerned. She can't shift the blame to the OM.

A man posting here about an affair would be slaughtered... and called every name under the sun.

I couldn't believe the mollycoddlng that poster got. One person even asked if nobody had compassion for a middle aged bored lady.

When a man says his wife is having affair... you get responses like... do you do housework... do you do your share with the kids etc. Like him not doing those things is a reason to have an affair.

He is questioned d to why his wife had stepped out of the marriage in a way women world never be questioned.

It seems that the majority of posters will find a way to blame the man regardless.

One of my bugbears is this notion of a helpless woman who was manipulated into an affair by the man disguised as a wolf.

Everyone needs to take responsibly for their own behaviour in life.

I completely agree, if you as a married woman have an unmet emotional need you try and fix it, get it from friends or family, or end the marriage! You don’t have an affair.

I also don’t buy the ‘helpless young woman’ being seduced by superior older man like secretary / boss type 1950s style - any woman knows what she is entering into and unfortunately, I have met quite a few women who seem to revel in the one upmanship with the wife, like ‘I’m able to give him what she doesn’t’ - which I find particularly appalling.

I’d go as far as to say I couldn’t be friends with a woman who was having an affair or who showed no remorse about one. I do think it’s my business to judge, I wish people judged my Ex and OW more. It might have helped them to realise what an awful thing they’d done, both of them!

@ataddicted it is incredibly rude to tell someone to engage their brain; perhaps you should engage yours.

There are double standards sometimes, but I also think it can often be case specific. In terms of moaning about benefits and who has more, there is a lot of that, and it is tedious.

@GimmeAy

Sheba - you'll find those threads usually are in fact ladies of leisure. It's never 'my DH is a delivery driver and he has decided he wants to write a book', it's always, my DH earns 6 figures and wants to change to a lower paid job. Honestly if you can find me one that's different, please do produce it.

This one just came up. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3967024-AIBU-to-not-want-my-husband-to-leave-his-job