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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find this GP really distasteful?

86 replies

DriftGames · 09/07/2020 08:44

I found out last night that I'm pregnant. Unplanned, unexpected as EBF 8mo & on the pill. DH and I have chosen to terminate for many reasons which are right for our family. I'm upset, we both are, but this is what's right for us.

I called my GP this morning, gave my details etc and she mentioned that I'd only recently had a baby, to which I replied yes, she's 8mo. The GP then used the phrase "that's a bit of a bummer"!!

It really got to me. Yes, it is, of course it is, and I feel awful for having to do this but it's what's right for me. Had she have said that to someone who's not so sure or was really struggling with their decision, I imagine it could be really difficult to hear!

AIBU to think she was really distasteful in saying this?

OP posts:

StoppinBy · 09/07/2020 10:28

I agree with @suggestionsplease1 It is a phrase used for trivial things such as missing out on a deal that your local supermarket was running by a day.

That being said I am sure the doctor meant it in the kindest way rather than in a trivialisation way.

I am sorry you are going through this xx

Sally872 · 09/07/2020 10:34

I think she was trying to sound non judgemental and sympathise.

Sorry for what you are going through op.

PickleKing · 09/07/2020 10:38

In Ireland, we say that to sympathise with someone's bad luck, so to me that couldn't be taken as anything other than kind empathy!

SunshinePeekingThrough · 09/07/2020 10:45

You are reading too much into it - she was trying to be sympathetic

Abraid2 · 09/07/2020 10:50

SHe was trying to empathise.

Redredwine99 · 09/07/2020 10:54

Sorry for what you are going through OP
Out of curiosity which pill are you on?

jessstan2 · 09/07/2020 10:54

She was being sympayhetic, just like saying, "Oh bad luck!". Honestly, I don't understand why you didn't realise that.

jessstan2 · 09/07/2020 10:54

sympathetic

SoulofanAggron · 09/07/2020 11:01

I think she was trying to be empathetic.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 09/07/2020 11:11

I think she was probably using informal language in an effort to sound non-judgemental. Sorry you're going through a tough time.

Ilovesandwiches · 09/07/2020 11:11

Sorry you have to go through this time OP, I hope you are okay xxx

GetOffTheTableMabel · 09/07/2020 11:11

You are understandably feeling upset and very sensitive. It would be completely natural for you to be feeling on edge about receiving negative judgements for a situation that is really bad luck.
I think she was saying exactly that. “A bummer” is a rubbish situation which is not your fault.

BoatyKarenMcKarenface · 09/07/2020 11:12

Its not distasteful, a little informal for sure, but I would think she was being sympathetic.

TurquoiseDress · 09/07/2020 11:12

I do think the GP was trying to be sympathetic and not in any way distasteful. Sounds like you are going through a very difficult time

BlingLoving · 09/07/2020 11:15

I also think she was trying to be sympathetic. I'd also add that as a GP, these conversations must be so hard because you need to be sympathetic but you aren't supposed to let anyone know if you have an opinion. It was perhaps, marginally clumsy, but yes, not problematic.

Itwasntme1 · 09/07/2020 11:18

So sorry you are dealing with this, it must be really hard.

I do think it was a clumsy attempt at sympathy. Sounded like the GP was trying to express that having a baby so recently only adds to how difficult this is.

Maybe if you had been face to face it would have softened it,

IndieRo · 09/07/2020 11:19

Not distasteful.

Ellie56 · 09/07/2020 11:20

You're in a very difficult situation and of course you are upset.

But you seem overly upset about what the doctor said and as pp have said she was only being sympathetic although not as formally as you might have expected.

Are you one hundred per cent absolutely sure the decision you have made is the right one?

Dieu · 09/07/2020 11:21

I wouldn't really think twice about it. I think you're probably feeling a bit shitty about the situation, and maybe projecting a bit.

Lockdownseperation · 09/07/2020 11:27

I think she was empathising with you.

2bazookas · 09/07/2020 11:29

I think you've taken it the wrong way; she was sympathising with the situation, not criticising your decision.

it's understandable you're feeling very fragile.

englishrosie · 09/07/2020 11:31

She was being sympathetic. Please don’t be a neek.

Itisbetter · 09/07/2020 11:34

@icedaisy that’s such a strange thing to say? What on Earth does she mean because 18months is a pretty standard time to get oh after having a baby.

LadyPrigsbottom · 09/07/2020 11:39

Informal I think, rather than distasteful. I think more people would take issue with their GP being cold, detached and unpersonable when it came to something as sensitive as this though, so I think she probably aimed for the right thing, even though you didn't like her approach.

Sorry you're going through this. It must be very difficult .

tipsyandtim · 09/07/2020 11:42

I also think she was trying to be sympathetic.

Sorry you’re going through this, I’ve been through the same situation unexpectedly getting pregnant quickly after a baby and terminating, so know how hard and upsetting it is

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