To find this GP really distasteful?

[DriftGames]

I found out last night that I'm pregnant. Unplanned, unexpected as EBF 8mo & on the pill. DH and I have chosen to terminate for many reasons which are right for our family. I'm upset, we both are, but this is what's right for us.

I called my GP this morning, gave my details etc and she mentioned that I'd only recently had a baby, to which I replied yes, she's 8mo. The GP then used the phrase "that's a bit of a bummer"!!

It really got to me. Yes, it is, of course it is, and I feel awful for having to do this but it's what's right for me. Had she have said that to someone who's not so sure or was really struggling with their decision, I imagine it could be really difficult to hear!

AIBU to think she was really distasteful in saying this?

@PerditaProvokesEnmity

Actually, I agree with you OP - a telephone consultation that is obviously difficult for the patient is completely the wrong time for the GP to be exercising her right to use slang. She should have expressed her sympathy through much more professional language.

If she had expressed her sympathy in "professional language" it would have come across as cold and inauthentic.

It's a shit situation and nothing she said sounds like anything but empathising with your shit situation.

That's rude. I would have thanks Sherlock for pointing out the obvious because you know. You didn't realise you only just had a baby not that it's any of their business anyway!

I've had an abortion, I don't think I would have minded that being said to me but it's so individual isn't it? It's hard to know what will and won't upset you. To me it sounds like she was aiming for sympathetic, to you it sounded distasteful... TBH even if what she said was perfectly appropriate, you're going through a difficult time, you get a pass on being upset by just about anything, so YANBU at all even though I don't think what she said was 'wrong'.

Wishing you all the best with this

OP, I think the GP may have been trying to be non judgemental in her language.

Try not to let this upset you during such a difficult time.

Has the GP been otherwise supportive?

I don't think she meant any harm by it. It just sounds way less formal than you'd normally ally expect from a Doctor, but I kind of like that she just spoke to you like a normal human being instead of as a Doctor and it sounds like she understood it was a sh*t situation.

Hope you are ok x

How did you think she meant it?

Did you think she was trivialising it?

Hope you're doing ok OP. I don't think it's a particularly distasteful expression at all tbh. Trying to be friendly and informal but sympathetic imho.

I agree with other posters I think it was probably sympathetic. I wouldn't get worked up about it.

Sounds like the GP was American/Canadian, as that’s a common expression of non judgemental sympathy there.

I also think GP was just being sympathetic. Sorry to say this but perhaps the upset, and possibly guilt over termination, may have made you upset over what your GP has said?

I agree that she was also trying to be sympathetic.

It is here, too, PlanDeRaccordment. 'That's a bummer' means 'Poor you, bad luck.' How would you have felt if she'd said 'Bad luck', OP? Would that have been distasteful too?

If GPs and others in similar positions are cool and say nothing they're often accused of being insensitive and unsupportive and superior. If they show a bit of empathy they're all too often accused of being inappropriate. It's a no-win situation.

What did you want the dr to say? They’re human come from all walks of life. I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing here. Don’t take it out your unplanned pregnancy on the doctors choice of words.

Sorry for what you're going through.

I think YABU but I understand why as it's a tough situation. I think the doctor was just trying to be sympathetic.

I think it was clumsy language... 'that's a bit of a bummer' is the sort of thing you'd say to a friend who is annoyed they didn't spot the 2 for 1 deal on garden furniture or something. I wouldn't be using it in this situation. However, I would be writing it off as unfortunate from the GP rather than anything else.

I would interpret that as commiserations /sympathy. Not sure why you would interpret as distasteful?

Not at all distasteful, as everyone else has said she was probably meaning to be sympathetic. Maybe she could have choosed some different words but no one's perfect all the time

It’s a show of sympathy and solidarity. What would you have liked her to say? I’d really appreciate a GP as human as that.

You're probably all right and I'm just being a little over sensitive. It just seemed so out of touch with the rest of her attitude prior. Thanks for all of your understanding and kind words, Mumsnet can really be a lovely place when you need the support!

My GP seems to struggle with natural empathy towards women, although she's a good effective practitioner who has been great with my autistic son so I stay with her, that's exactly the kind of thing she would say....it's clumsy sympathy and I'd take it in the best light I could....I'm really sorry for your situation, wishing you all the best.

No she was being sympathetic. You’d have felt far worse if she’d stared silently at you. Btw hugs from me. I had virtually the same experience and it was tough. You’re probably feeling very fragile right now. ❤️💐

It is very hard to get the wording right in every sentence every time, day in, day out. One way of wording for one person can be offensive to another and no one can know all your background and thinking to say what you need/want to hear all the time.

I'm sorry that you are in difficult circumstances.

I wouldn't consider this to be distasteful, she was sympathising with your situation. It was informal, though, and not everyone appreciates that from a GP.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, OP.

I'm not sure I would call it distasteful, but to me it's trivialising a difficult situation & decision.