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AIBU?

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Original poster

Don't comment on pregnancies on social media...

70 replies

BlingLoving · 08/07/2020 14:01

Argh. AIBU to say that you don't ever comment on someone else's pregnancy/baby news on social media until you are 100% certain that person has already placed the news on social media!?

Family member 1 comments on Family member 2's post about random subject. Family member 2 responds with "By the way, congratulations on the pregnancy, that's great news." WTF? (by the way, family member 1 is only 9 weeks pregnant).

In our case - tell family early but keeping it quiet more generally. 10 minutes later, BIL posts it on facebook.

Different person but almost identical situation - sends message to a big WhatsApp group made up of extended family and friends to say how excited he is to becoming an uncle. His sister has not told most people as she is, at this point, all of 6 weeks pregnant.

I see people on Twitter tweeting about the birth of their grandchildren all the time. Now admittedly, for all I know, their children may have already posted. But I'm usually deeply suspicious when I see posts: "Delighted to announce my beautiful daughter gave birth to my gorgeous first grandson at 13:46 this afternoon". I am reading post at 14:15.....

It's not me right? AIBU to think this is just basic ettiquette that people should have nailed by now?

OP posts:
Starbuggy · 08/07/2020 14:05

YANBU

Same goes for any big news, engagement, death etc. Always wait for an official announcement before commenting!

Original poster
BlingLoving · 08/07/2020 14:07

Oh god yes, deaths. "Devastated that great aunty May passed this morning. Thinking of all my aunts, uncles and cousins." and it turns out most of them haven't even heard the news themselves yet.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 08/07/2020 14:09

My mil announced my pregnancy to the world on FB, even although she was told to keep it quiet because we weren't telling anyone for at least 6 weeks! She was straight on to tell everyone about 20 mins after the phone call.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 08/07/2020 14:20

This is a pet peeve of mine!

My friends BIL posted about how excited he was being an uncle to twins after being told not to tell anyone they had been born yet as they hadn't managed to tell other family members, and one of the twins was pretty poorly.

Also can't stand those ones who comment, when a pregnancy is announced, "you finally told other people, I've been wanting to tell people for aaaaages" or shit like that just so it's clear they were in the know.

Pinacollider · 08/07/2020 14:24

God yes! We found out a young cousin was knocked over by a car and killed via Facebook. Who does that? I think people almost race to be the first

Wfhwith3yearold · 08/07/2020 14:27

I know of someone who found our their child (20ish) had died on facebook. They were posting under the condolence messages asking what happened. Asking people to phone them.

I only know about it as a relative of mine posted condolences when they saw everyone elses. Was so awful.

Original poster
BlingLoving · 08/07/2020 14:29

@Pinacollider

God yes! We found out a young cousin was knocked over by a car and killed via Facebook. Who does that? I think people almost race to be the first
Yes, I think that is it sometimes, definitely. Particularly parents and in laws.

I also think there's a weird entitlement element to it sometimes. Like the news IS their news so therefore they have the right to say what they like? Those are MY nephews. That's MY grandchild etc?

OP posts:
Waiting42021 · 08/07/2020 14:30

My DH’s family are awful for this. I’m not a big user of social media generally, but I would like the privilege of being the person to share MY OWN news. DH and I eloped in secret, and it was ‘announced’ within minutes of us letting them know.

I adore our wedding photos and purposefully haven’t shared many of them as 1. I didn’t want to be a ‘wedding spammer’ and 2. I like to think of it as a private day (which is what we specifically wanted) and I just don’t want ALL of our photos being shared with hundreds of people who don’t know us.

Surprise! FIL posted LOADS of them on Facebook on our 1st anniversary Hmm bit bizarre as we didn’t make a big deal of our anniversary at all, so why he felt the need to post about it I have no idea.

It’s a huge pet peeve of mine. I actually think I’ll probably come off Facebook altogether at some point as I feel ridiculous being bothered by it all! Grin

MinnieJackson · 08/07/2020 14:30

Omg yes @ASandwichNamedKevin they have to make known the fact they were a 'chosen one' by knowing all the details already!

A friend of mine told people when I had to go and get scanned and examined when pregnant with my third son and also put pictures up of a hamper she'd made me on the same day! So everyone thought I'd had the baby and were congratulating my mum at the school gates when she picked my kids up. The whole reason I was getting examined was a problem that lead to our previous pregnancy ending in still birth so I was really guarded about the whole thing anyway in a self preservation kind of way and never really spoke of my pregnancy as I was just petrified the whole time. Cheeky mare.

WB205020 · 08/07/2020 14:31

My brother and SIL had a baby. They told immediate family, parents and siblings within an hour of the birth and sent a picture all on a whatsapp chat. SIL's sister immediately decides to upload the photo to Facebook to congratulate her sister on the birth of her first child.....also announcing the name and weight of the baby, tagging in other family members and SIL's friends who hadnt been told yet. Needless to say they no longer speak to her due to this and other things. I mean who the fuck does that. You have to be a grade a dickhead to be so selfish to think its ok to do that.

I HATE HATE HATE FB. I cannot stand it and am not on it.

okiedokieme · 08/07/2020 14:32

I think that some people forget it's public. The answer is simple though, don't tell people who can't keep quiet (I'm sure the culprits would in the past be ringing people telling them the news)

HansBanans · 08/07/2020 14:34

Yup this really pisses me off too. That and all these other announcements. I found out my grandmother had a stroke via Facebook before my Dad even had a chance to inform me! Angry

3cats · 08/07/2020 14:35

I must admit I accidentally did this to SIL. I posted a quick congrats on the baby on her wall and later realised she hadn't actually announced it yet, so I quickly deleted the comment. I really don't know what I was thinking, hint: I wasn't thinking.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 08/07/2020 14:35

Yanbu op. My mil and sil announced the birth of my son a mere hour after his birth. We hadn't even announced it as I'd just been through an emcs to give birth to a premature baby who I hadn't even met yet as I was in critical condition. We weren't even sure how our son was doing let alone if he was alive. Dp was furious with them and made them take it down but the damage was done and some family were upset that we hadn't told them ds was born as they found out of facebook

AllTheProsecco · 08/07/2020 14:35

Eurgh yes. My uncle announced his DILs pregnancy. They've been trying for years and had IVF in the end. They haven't announced it themselves but the scan pic is his Facebook profile picture Hmm

AdultFishcakes · 08/07/2020 14:37

@Pinacollider

God yes! We found out a young cousin was knocked over by a car and killed via Facebook. Who does that? I think people almost race to be the first
Omg I’m so sorry you had to find out that way.

Completely agree with the OP on this one; surely it’s just common sense to keep it under wraps until you’re sure the parents to be have made public their news?

Fridaysgirl17 · 08/07/2020 14:41

My boss outed the birth of my son, I'd sent it in in a group chat of a few work friends as he was born prematurely by induction, we'd had some complications and they were people who had supported us, luckily I'd messaged my family and friends I wanted to know privately but I wasn't planning g on announcing it publicly until I was sure he was OK as he went to NICU and I wouldn't be allowed down until the next day, luckily he was fine, no issues, just needed some help feeding but I was less than impressed

enyemaka · 08/07/2020 15:14

This is how I found out that a beloved grandparent had cancer - and the cousin kicked off that I was grossly unfair when I complained. Twat.

lyralalala · 08/07/2020 15:18

My DH found out his Grandfather died via Facebook because of one of his nieces.

Despite being bluntly told to remember that her father was one of 15 and therefore getting news to everyone would take time she constantly posted updates while he was in hospital. Even when her Granny asked her to stop because her Grandad was a very private person she moaned about people getting on her case

It's backfired on her in a big way as she gets told nothing now until absolutely everyone else knows. It's a shame for her father as he is the last of the siblings to find out.

She found out from Facebook when my FIL died. Despite not having seen her uncle for 5 years because she lives far away she was absolutely livid. Hopefully she learned her lesson

Lizadork · 08/07/2020 15:30

This happened to me, I was horrified someone felt so entitled to my news and life - not just the birth but pregnancy and even photos. I now share very little.

ScatteredMama82 · 08/07/2020 15:33

We had to miss our friends wedding as DS2 decided to arrive. Said friend announced it on facebook for us. I was still in a post-natal haze so I didn't think to be cross at the time, but I am now.

Parkandride · 08/07/2020 15:34

YANBU! A friend found out her sibling had died thanks to FB idiots, just awful

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/07/2020 15:38

YANBU!

A friends MIL announced her pregnancy on Facebook. She was only six weeks pregnant and later lost the baby.

Sparklesocks · 08/07/2020 15:40

Absolutely, always follow the lead of the person whose news it is. If they post, you can post. If they don't, you don't.

A pet peeve of mine is people 'in the know' who hint about someone else's pregnancy/engagement - they don't spell it out but it's clear what they're implying. It's disrespectful to the people in question if they're keeping it quiet, and is solely done to show an air of superiority by knowing something others don't - Bleurgh!

HollowTalk · 08/07/2020 15:40

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

My mil announced my pregnancy to the world on FB, even although she was told to keep it quiet because we weren't telling anyone for at least 6 weeks! She was straight on to tell everyone about 20 mins after the phone call.
While I think your MIL was wrong to announce it on FB, why would you wait at least six weeks before saying anything?
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