Don't comment on pregnancies on social media...

[BlingLoving]

Argh. AIBU to say that you don't ever comment on someone else's pregnancy/baby news on social media until you are 100% certain that person has already placed the news on social media!?

Family member 1 comments on Family member 2's post about random subject. Family member 2 responds with "By the way, congratulations on the pregnancy, that's great news." WTF? (by the way, family member 1 is only 9 weeks pregnant).

In our case - tell family early but keeping it quiet more generally. 10 minutes later, BIL posts it on facebook.

Different person but almost identical situation - sends message to a big WhatsApp group made up of extended family and friends to say how excited he is to becoming an uncle. His sister has not told most people as she is, at this point, all of 6 weeks pregnant.

I see people on Twitter tweeting about the birth of their grandchildren all the time. Now admittedly, for all I know, their children may have already posted. But I'm usually deeply suspicious when I see posts: "Delighted to announce my beautiful daughter gave birth to my gorgeous first grandson at 13:46 this afternoon". I am reading post at 14:15.....

It's not me right? AIBU to think this is just basic ettiquette that people should have nailed by now?

Discovered that my beloved step-father’s mother had died from a relative waiting about it on FB. My parents knew I wouldn’t be home until later and felt that there was no point telling me when they knew I would need to drive home.
I think the relative posted about half an hour after she died so must have been logging on as they took the phone call.

@Whatnametomorrow10

I choose not to tell anyone the date of my planned c-section except for parents & in laws. My daughter was at school & I wanted her to be the first to know whether she was a boy/girl. My mil went with husband to pick her up she was desperate to find out & I didn’t want any of the mums who I’m friends on Facebook to let it slip. But we managed to keep it quiet! It was hard though!

We’ve done this with my c section this time round, first time everyone knew the date but she decided to turn up the week before! This time only our parents know and that’s for childcare purposes. Everyone else has been told we aren’t sharing the date so it can be a surprise. Although if they’re intelligent they’ll have narrowed it down to 3 possible days.

I’ve had to explain to my DM several times about doing this with weddings and babies. When my step daughter had a baby I deliberately didn’t tell DM so she couldn’t spoil anything - then had her phone up and have a go when she saw it on Facebook - why hadn’t I told her? I can’t win

My DC were in the days before FB but that didn't stop my SIL telling her 2DC (4 & 2) who promptly spilled the beans. I was nearly 10 weeks and we'd only told SIL because she as with MIL when I had to ask for a lift to hospital as there were problems. We hadn't told and weren't planning to tell DD1 until we were i the clear but had to because her cousins knew.
SIL is now a big FB poster so you have to specifically say in words of one syllable if you don't want something broadcast.

[quote SarahAndQuack]@hollowtalk, plenty of people don't announce a pregnancy for the first six weeks or even the first three months. It's just personal preference, but for example if you're worried about miscarrying and don't want to have to talk about it, you might wait until three months as the risk goes down a lot after that.

I have to admit when my niece was born I did this - she'd been born a week before and I honestly didn't realise that, though my brother had changed his facebook photo, they hadn't formally said anything. I hope they were as laid back about it as they claimed to be at the time![/quote]
So sorry, I thought she meant the birth announcement! I thought maybe it was one of those MN things like never answering the door.

You know - back when I was a v young radio newsreader I remember reading a bulletin naming a murder victim. She’d been missing and had now been identified. I was sat looking at the script (top story) waiting to go on air and thinking of the people I was about to tell. Not the family, her boyfriend, her best friends - they knew - but the uni mates who had fallen out of touch with her but were fond of her, the ex boyfriends, the person who shared a class with her, or taught her at school. It really struck me I was imparting bad news, and they were really with me as I opened my microphone. People just don’t think, on social media. We have changed.

I was made to announce the birth of ds on Facebook as my brothers wanted to announce that they had become uncles... In my post birth daze I did it. I really regret it. I didn't want to announce anything, those who needed to know did. I've never forgiven them for it

MY ail has form for this. Posted about her and dh nan passing, dh hadn’t been told, then deleted the status ffs. I had already seen it. My grandchild was born while daddy was in Afghan. Told dh to tell her not to put a thing on fb. Stressed to her daddy didnt know and wouldn’t for hours. Yep she did it. Funnily enough we are nc now. It’s like some people have to be in on it ASAP. Very odd.

I found out on FB last year, my DB had died. My cousin who I rarely see announced an 'RIP' status, before all the siblings had been told. At the time, I was with DP and our DC's on holiday abroad. We were waiting for drinks when I decided to browse FB. I nearly fainted, well, I actually did fall over and cut my knee.

Cousin was an arse when I frantically called, saying ''Let's not worry on HOW you found out'..

Yeah. Because finding out at the same time as friends from 20yrs ago writing condolences on an FB page is OK....Nope. I was shook up.

Upshot. People should NEVER use social media for anything that isn't their business. Certainly not life changing events.

I think YAB a bit U because there have always been people who have a desire to be first with ‘the news’.

Years ago, when families lived in the same street or within a few streets of each other, there would always be one nosey biddy who was desperate to be the one with all the latest gossip to crow about.

Social media allows these same types of people to communicate to a wider audience much more quickly, that’s all.

Sadly, it doesn’t minimise the hurt that someone might suffer from hearing bad news from an unexpected source.

My ex MIL was a nightmare for this. When I had DS I’ll never forget how mortified I was to see she’d posted I was in for induction and then replied to someone on that status that “she’s just had the second pessary put in to start things going” I could not believe she’d posted that so publically! And then someone asked how it was going and she put well... “im not allowed to say yet but let’s say I’m a happy Nanny at this mornings call” so essentially announcing the baby had arrived 🙄

I’m pregnant now and we recently posted on Facebook our news at almost 20 weeks and the girlfriend of one of my partners friends put “omg the secrets out at last” she literally had known for about a day!

I bloody loathe this. And the whole "eek so glad you've finally let everyone know I've been struggling to keep quiet for the last 4637363 years since you told me" is just pathetic attention seeking.

A loose acquaintance recently had a baby. Was really refreshing as she'd not mentioned the pregnancy at all on social media. Kept it very quiet and then waited until she was home with the baby before posting a nice pic with name and DOB. Was lovely to find out as a surprise and also that she'd shared the news herself, rather than her Auntie's neighbour's cousin's hairdresser's boyfriend's Mum.

Oh yes, so irritating.

My dad found out his mum had passed away from a FB post by my cousin - before my uncle allegedly had a chance to notify my dad (lives on the other side of the world).

My aunt posted in FB about my DD arrival along with a photo. I didn't announce properly on FB and only mentioned in an unrelated post 4 weeks after she was born. I was really unhappy that firstly she posted about it and secondly put a photo up without asking if it was okay. It's not her announcement to make nor her photo to post (my dad had sent the family a photo on WhatsApp).

My ex MIL was a nightmare for this. When I had DS I’ll never forget how mortified I was to see she’d posted I was in for induction and then replied to someone on that status that “she’s just had the second pessary put in to start things going” I could not believe she’d posted that so publically!

Eek - I would freak out at that major overshare of detail. It was bad enough my mum telling my dad how i gave birth, that was so cringe but to facebook announce wow

I don't even 'announce' my own news. I'd inform those who need to know personally, not via social media, and would assume that others won't particularly care. 'Announcing' things lends an importance to my own activities that they probably don't deserve in the lives of others. It's a strange habit. As to the public commentary on the inner workings of her uterus, all I can say is commiserations to that poor DiL.

I'm sorry to those who learned of someone's death through social media. What a horrible, insensitive way to discover such news

My husband let his best friend sneak into the delivery room about 2 hours after I had ds1, he took a photo and posted it on FB instantly I was so out of it still I cant even quite remember him being in the room tbh!! Friends gf apparently had a huge go at him, said how out of order it was to even visit and he removed the post pretty quickly. I should think some people would have seen it so I was annoyed when I heard! Husband is even now still occasionally told off for the whole best friend sneaking in!! "He was on his way to work so thought he would swing by!"
Currently 13 weeks pregnant with baby 3 and not posted anything on sm. For the close family and friends we have told I've asked they dont post anything. I even havent told some family because i know there will be something posted. Whilst I do use FB a lot, I feel differently this time around. I think lockdown has allowed us to keep a secret for ages and quite like it!!

My MIL announced the birth of our son an hour after he was born. My husband and I were not impressed. I'd not even left the delivery room at the time.

I would find this absolutely infuriating if someone else announced the birth of my child before I got a chance to. We’ve been lucky with post birth social media announcements. Although my mum has a ridiculously fast record for informing everyone single extended random family member within seconds of us getting of the phone to her after announcing a pregnancy. Honestly don’t know how she does it so quickly, it’s become a bit of a running joke, but that’s fine because we know not to inform her until we are absolutely ready for all and sundry to know the news.

I did have a close family member out some wedding photos, which still pisses me off to this day. They were helping us set up the venue the day before, unbeknownst to me had been merrily snapping photos of our table plan, decorations, and reception set up. Only to put those photos on Facebook the evening before the wedding. How NICE of them to give all our wedding guests a sneak preview before they arrived the next day. Unsurprisingly, same relative also baulked at our request not to have phones / cameras out during our ceremony.

Oh, also, the comments about people who need to let the world know they already knew about a pregnancy made me chuckle. “Congratulations again!!” is a favourite of mine. Always one on every announcement post.

YANBU Someone did this to us.