Don't comment on pregnancies on social media...

[BlingLoving]

Argh. AIBU to say that you don't ever comment on someone else's pregnancy/baby news on social media until you are 100% certain that person has already placed the news on social media!?

Family member 1 comments on Family member 2's post about random subject. Family member 2 responds with "By the way, congratulations on the pregnancy, that's great news." WTF? (by the way, family member 1 is only 9 weeks pregnant).

In our case - tell family early but keeping it quiet more generally. 10 minutes later, BIL posts it on facebook.

Different person but almost identical situation - sends message to a big WhatsApp group made up of extended family and friends to say how excited he is to becoming an uncle. His sister has not told most people as she is, at this point, all of 6 weeks pregnant.

I see people on Twitter tweeting about the birth of their grandchildren all the time. Now admittedly, for all I know, their children may have already posted. But I'm usually deeply suspicious when I see posts: "Delighted to announce my beautiful daughter gave birth to my gorgeous first grandson at 13:46 this afternoon". I am reading post at 14:15.....

It's not me right? AIBU to think this is just basic ettiquette that people should have nailed by now?

@Wfhwith3yearold

I know of someone who found our their child (20ish) had died on facebook. They were posting under the condolence messages asking what happened. Asking people to phone them.

I only know about it as a relative of mine posted condolences when they saw everyone elses. Was so awful.

That's just awful. Unbearable for the parents.

I can't stand grief thiefs - as if the loss is for them alone to feel, except for a mass of "likes". I think often families need time and space to get their heads around it before inviting in the world. Losing someone is hard and brings such a variety of unexpected feelings.

YANBU at all! I hate this!

I found out about a family death on FB. A friend of my cousin wrote a comment on her wall “I’m so sorry to hear your dad passed away this morning, blessings to all your family” etc - the man wasn’t even ill so the shock to all of us - and the fact that most of us found out that way - was horrific.

People just don’t think. I’m always careful - I never publish anyone’s news on their behalf, won’t post baby news, pictures, congratulations etc until it has been cleared by the people themselves, if then even!

Some of its an attention grab, sometimes people just post without thinking

I found out my granddad had passed on Facebook as my cousin announced it before my mother could reach me - he was a teenager though, so I’ve forgiven him.

Yanbu

My mum announced I was in Leeds in the early baby unit as I was in premature labour at 28 weeks.
I didn’t want to announce anything just incase anything went wrong. Soon enough I had so many messages wishing me luck, which was nice of them but still.

Luckily, the unit was able to halt the Labour and she came at 38 weeks.

She posted before I could

I had a bad labour and both me and my baby nearly died so it was a couple of days before I announced anything on Facebook. My mum works in the maternity unit so when she was in visiting me had gone down to her office to let her colleagues know and someone we know through family who was pregnant was in waiting for her scan so my mum told her too.

By the time she got home she had wrote on my mum's Facebook page congratulating her on becoming a gran. There were no other posts from me or my mum on Facebook about the birth. It annoyed me at the time but I do wonder now if she just wasn't thinking but I don't understand why she would congratulate her on there after doing it in person when there was nothing else on Facebook about it.

I notice a lot when people announce their pregnancy a lot of people comments saying stuff like "finally it's out" as though they just have to make everyone reading aware they were in on the secret 🙄.

Well of course it’s a shit thing to do. And the reason why I don’t tell anyone anything unless it’s something I don’t mind everyone knowing

My husband's niece announced our first child's birth on Facebook and tagged me in it. Dh had rung his mum and she was there. I'm not a big social media person and would never have put anything to do with my pregnancy on there.. The text to announce the birth was something I had looked forward to after years of trying and multiple losses.

@hollowtalk, plenty of people don't announce a pregnancy for the first six weeks or even the first three months. It's just personal preference, but for example if you're worried about miscarrying and don't want to have to talk about it, you might wait until three months as the risk goes down a lot after that.

I have to admit when my niece was born I did this - she'd been born a week before and I honestly didn't realise that, though my brother had changed his facebook photo, they hadn't formally said anything. I hope they were as laid back about it as they claimed to be at the time!

Yeah, with DS1 my SIL came over when I was about 30 weeks, she asked if I'd thought about names etc - I (stupidly) told her our choice. She then posted 'welcome to the universe baby xxxx', tagging me in the post.
Everyone was messaging, worried I'd gone into early labour...

I have two DC, but also lost a pregnancy so I don't believe in the announcements, but even prior to my loss I didn't like social media announcements really.

I'm the person that just waits until a pic goes up with a bump, and people say you're pregnant!

Yanbu, I found out via Facebook on a post from my Uncle, that my grandad had died. I was looking after my younger siblings and I sat there hoping none of them went on there to see it. I was absolutely in bits and couldn't say anything and didn't want to say "don't go on Facebook" as I knew they'd ask why. Awful.
SIL is pregnant and hasn't announced yet and FIL put some comments on her status that made it obvious. She was at work so didn't see them till a lot later when lots of people had seen them and started asking questions

My dad announced the birth of my first child on FB before I'd even left the hospital, spelled her middle name wrong and then argued with me that I had spelled it wrong when I pointed out his mistake! My dad is a wonderful person and is never usually this thoughtless, he certainly wouldn't have done it to upset me but it did rather take the wind out of my sails as I had been excited about announcing my news myself.

Personally I would only comment on a pregancy/birth on a post/announcement from the parents. My brother and his girlfriend never mentioned her pregnancy or announced the birth on SM and have never posted any photos of their son so its pretty obvious to me that I shouldn't either!

Announcements of other peoples news on social media is a real bug bear of mine. I never really thought about it much until I was at a wedding where someone was taking and uploading photos of the ceremony as it was happening. The bride in particular was gutted that her evening guests got to see everything before arriving. Since then, I am very careful about sharing anything which is not mine to share or mine to announce. Hopefully I haven't slipped up along the way!

I know youngsters get flack for being on their phones all the time, but in my family it's always been the oldies who can't wait to get online and share other peoples news/photos etc.

YANBU OP - 2 different friends put congratulatory posts on Facebook about my 2 births when we had specifically asked them not to as FIL lives the other side of the world and we wanted to contact him first!! I also found out my grandad passed away (who I was very close to) via a cousins Facebook. I hadn't been told as was on holiday celebrating my birthday in a different time zone so my family wanted to wait until it was a reasonable hour but unfortunately for facebook I saw it there first

Sorry to everyone on this thread who learnt about something difficult from someone posting it on fb - very upsetting.

Yep. I was still being stitched up when my nan posted a photo of my barely half hour old daughter on Facebook. I was so bloody angry, she deleted it but no doubt many saw it before that people are idiots.

I had a acquaintance announce my gp on FB. I'm not even sure how she knew! I think they bumped into someone close to me and then saw fit to blurt it out to the world. Weird thing to do I think. It just comes across and nasty or being socially inept ( or attention seeking) . How ever you view it, it's never a endering thing is it?

I saw this on an old school friend’s FB page. She had been ill for years but her husband posted to say she had died and he hadn’t felt like sharing but someone had posted on FB so he had to tell everyone. I don’t know this man but I felt so sorry for him and their kids. ‘Grief thief’ I’d not heard this before but it is so appropriate.

@BlingLoving

Oh god yes, deaths. "Devastated that great aunty May passed this morning. Thinking of all my aunts, uncles and cousins." and it turns out most of them haven't even heard the news themselves yet.

SM is simply the modern way. A family member found out her brother had died 20+ years ago in an accident when someone rang having seen it on the news.

I messaged my family at a reasonable time in the morning that I'd had my daughter at 2 am. My father immediately phoned every family member to tell them, and annoyingly was the one to announce it as most of them hadn't yet checked their messages. Then called me to let me know that he'd spread the news of the birth of his 4th grandchild.

He also told our entire family and all of his friends about a miscarriage that resulted in an dash to A&E. I asked him to keep it to himself, that he would have never known about it if I hadn't been at the shops with him at the time. My brother let slip 6 months later that Dad had told so many people, it certainly explained all the random hugs I'd been given.

My MIL also announced that pregnancy to my husband's family when she guessed it. It was horrible warding off requests for scan pictures for weeks after the miscarriage was confirmed. She was delighted to boast about being a grandmother but didn't want to tell anyone that she was not going to be one after all. It is surprising how hurtful some people can be.

@BlingLoving

Oh god yes, deaths. "Devastated that great aunty May passed this morning. Thinking of all my aunts, uncles and cousins." and it turns out most of them haven't even heard the news themselves yet.

Yep, this is how I found out my great-uncle had died. My idiot cousin posted on Facebook which I saw when I was on my lunch break. My nan was waiting to ring me at home after work because my parents were away so she had to break the news to me. She was furious with him and I was in pieces.

It's tremendously rude and selfish of people who do this, in my opinion. And quite horrific when it's someone who has died - what a terrible way to find out!

Yes, I do see that some posters have done it "unthinkingly" but really, what WERE you thinking? Why did you think it was your role to post someone else's news? It's not quite so bad if you're posting a congratulations message on their wall, but it doesn't take that long to check if there's an announcement there first.

I think for some it is the whole "look what I know!" thing - they'd be the ones in days gone by who were the "holders of the gossip" and who loved to whisper about their friends and family, and to be known as the one "in the know". Plus they get all the likes and the initial comments.

Others, it's just happiness for the situation but no thought to the "owners" of the event (wedding, new parents, etc)

I'd be very fucked off if I found personal business of mine on facebook courtesy of someone else. I am on it, because it keeps me connected to friends and family in the UK - but SO far no one has been so discourteous to do this to me.

I choose not to tell anyone the date of my planned c-section except for parents & in laws. My daughter was at school & I wanted her to be the first to know whether she was a boy/girl. My mil went with husband to pick her up she was desperate to find out & I didn’t want any of the mums who I’m friends on Facebook to let it slip. But we managed to keep it quiet! It was hard though!

Wfhwith3yearold Wed 08-Jul-20 14:27:45
I know of someone who found our their child (20ish) had died on facebook. They were posting under the condolence messages asking what happened. Asking people to phone them

God, that is horrendous. I have teenage kids, just trying to imagine seeing that and filling up at the thought of it! Can you imagine?! What the FUCK is wrong with people. unthinking, self centred idiots. I'm on FB, use it loads but never share anybody else's news as 1 it's not mine to share, and 2, you don't know when's OK to. People seriously need to think or step the *** away from their phone/look up from it once in a while.

My sister announced that I’d had my baby before my husband did. I’m not on FB but he was about to do it but her announcement was posted 10 mins before he did it. He is still pissed of 12wks later but my IL’s saw her post, knowing she’d done it because we hadn’t told her the baby’s name (we’d not 100% decided ourselves) and ignored it knowing she was trying to get people to ask the name then she’d get chance to say “I’ve not been told”.