Excluded

[kittie01]

This probably sounds really silly but I’m feeling a bit shit at the minute. I met three girls through college and we were a great support to each other throughout college. We set up a WhatsApp group to keep in touch etc and have arranged to meet up several times and all was well. One of the girls put in the group about meeting up for a cuppa during the week but directed the text at two of the girls but not me, she then text in the group a day later asking am I going. I feel a bit stupid because I feel why are you asking me now when you didn’t ask me when you specifically aimed the invite to the other two girls. I’d like to ask her why exclude me to start with the try include me now? I’m aware there’s bigger problems out there but right now this has me feeling really hurt. I thought we were all friends and we always do things together as a group. I’d understand if it was a hobbie they do that I don’t but meeting for a cuppa is something we’ve done lots before.

If she put it in the group WhatsApp, I’d assume you were included in the original invitation (unless she specifically said NOT you). If she’d only wanted the others, she would only have messaged them.

Presumably if she’d put it on a WhatsApp to all of you, then you were included from the start? If she’d wanted to exclude you, she’d surely have just sent an individual text to the other two?

@FourEyesGood Snap! Cross post. Great minds and all that...😁

You have been invited. Go. Stop reading so much into things and don't ask her why you were 'excluded' otherwise you really will be permanently excluded.

I'd be almost certain that this is an oversight or WhatsApp snafu. You're clearly invited.

But asking about it would be whingey and clingy and the quickest way to get you actually excluded next time!

Do you mean she put it in your group chat but addressed it to the other two, like 'Sarah and Lisa, do you want to do X later?'

No she said Mary and Jane (not their real names) do you fancy meeting for a cuppa

How was the message worded? If it’s in group you’re invited?

If you want to go then go “ooh I’d love to, just assumed I wasn’t invited haha! See you soon”

That's weird that she would specifically say both their names in a group chat you are in. I probably wouldn't go of I'm honest. I'm quite a petty person.

I would just say , "sorry I didn't realise I was invited as you only mentioned x and x?! But yes please/no thanks I can't make it."

I thought it odd as we haven’t had words or anything. If she hadn’t of mentioned names it’d be fine but it’s the fact she said their names that’s pissed me off a bit

What a bitch to invite them but not you! I’d say what beautiful above suggests.

I dont think she deliberately excluded you tbh, maybe she thought they were most likely to say no or were busier so she was specifically asking them if they were available.
I'd put it down to a genuine misunderstanding and just go.

That’s quite hurtful sorry you’re feeling bad about it. Had similar once, was invited to colleagues hen do, then everytime she spoke about it she didn’t include me, she’d speak to others about arrangements in front of me etc, but not include me in the conversation deliberately if that makes sense, couple of days before the event she says “you’re not coming are you?” Too right I’m not! Why ask someone if you don’t want them to go, I didn’t care either way but just seemed quite bitchy 🤷🏼‍♀️ I guess some women never lose that high school bitchiness. Don’t let it get to you 💐

Thanks for the response, great to get different opinions. I’m honestly not a needy person at all and wouldn’t really gjve a shit if they were meeting up without me and they have done before and it’s grand. it’s just the fact she put it into our group chat Lexington my name out. Seems a bit bitchy to me. Might just respond with beautifuls reply ha.

She’d be a bit dense to invite others right there in front of you and exclude you. But it does happen, I have experienced of this. If this is the case, she’s a cow bag and move on.
Maaaaybe, it’s not that at all.
How thick skinned you are? I’ve seen people brazen it out “oh fab, see you there”.
Seems like you wanted to be treated same as others, as would I.

It’s make your mind time about the instigator imo.

She’s your friend. That’s some you like enough to spend time with and who you have probably gone out of the way to help. I’m sure she has done the same for you. Why would she exclude you? It’s a mistake nothing more. Don’t make a big thing out of it or send that passive aggressive text.

Things like this happen to everyone. It’s an oversight nothing more.

Just bide your time and then do EXACTLY the same thing back at her. Invite the other two but not her. Who cares if it’s childish, play her at her own game.

Is this the first time it has happened? Maybe a jokey reply quoting her original invite "heyy what's going on - am I billy no mates now?!" may elicit an answer

I think it was probably an oversight. I’d just respond with ‘sorry I didn’t think I was invited hahaha yes sure’ or ‘can’t make it this time, maybe next week

If she’s trying to Wendy you doing it via a group whatsapp that you are a member of is 🤷🏻‍♀️

If there are no other reasons to think she would exclude you (no track record etc.) then I'd just assume she meant to invite you all along and just messed up while writing a quick WhatsApp message on the run while distracted. Otherwise why would she now ask you whether you are coming? And it would be extremely odd to invite two people out of three on a WhatsApp group. Just reply "sorry, wasn't totally sure I was invited, yes I'd love to come" if you need some reassurance. Or just "yes I'd love to come" if you don't need it.

don't over think it or start playing games

Just bide your time and then do EXACTLY the same thing back at her. Invite the other two but not her. Who cares if it’s childish, play her at her own game.

Whatever you do, don't do this. You will lose three friends.

I don’t want to play games or get revenge or do the same back to her coz at the end of the day you don’t know what’s going on with people. Just think it’s a bit unkind and I felt shit. Think I’ll go with sorry I didn't realise I was invited as you only mentioned x and x?! But no thanks I can't make it."

Had you already discussed meeting with her outside of the group chat? Could it be she meant it like 'Mary and Jane do you fancy meeting me and Kittie for a cuppa'

Or is there anything different about your situation, e.g. your still working while they are furloughed? Or they're all furloughed and you're a sahm?